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Tested Positive

Viral Doctor humour for Canadian Political adherents and TP hoarders

Tested Positive thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

Has Beans: Used coffee grounds - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A week is a long time in politics. - Harold Wilson

There is no gambling like politics. - Benjamin Disraeli

Politics is the art of the possible. - Otto von Bismarck

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

This virus just breaks all the rules. - Thomas Scott

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? - Steven Wright

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Everybody knows politics is a contact sport. - Barrack Obama

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Intelligence has nothing to do with politics. - Londo Molari

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. - Henry Brooks Adams

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

Leanardo De Cappuccino: Founder, coffee shop chain - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

Every time somebody gets the Ebola virus, it mutates. - Glenn Beck

I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now. - Louisa May Alcott

The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley

I only drink coffee grown in high altitude rain forests. - Rob Dyrdek

Depresso: The feeling you get when you run out of coffee - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Life without books, chocolate and coffee is just useless. - Nadun Lokuliyanage

The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars. - William Westmoreland

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

Dilemma: A politician trying to save both his faces at once - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions. - Ted Koppei

An honest politician is one who when he's bought stays bought. - Simon Cameron

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I'd be honest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. - Simon Cameron

A politician will do anything to keep his job - even become a patriot. - William Randolph

A politician is a man who approaches every problem with an open mouth. - Adlai Stevenson

Without my morning coffee, I'm just like a dried-up piece of goat. - J.S. Bach

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

Ignorance is a virus. Once it starts spreading, it can only be cured by reason. - Neil Tyson

Being a politician is a poor profession. Being a public servant is a noble one. - Herbert C Hoover

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

A good politician, under democracy, is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H L Mencken

There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane

The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election. - Earl Wilson

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

A half finished shawl left on the coffee table isn't a mess; it's an object of art. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Politics, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong. - Richard Armour

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

The concept that vaccine-induced immunity is superior in any way to natural immunity is sheer nonsense. - Dr Steven Pelech

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. - H L Mencken

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. - Plato

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Harold MacMillan is a very intelligent man, who, as so often happens in politics, achieved supreme power too late. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Politics is the only business where doing nothing other than making the other guy look bad is an acceptable outcome. - Mark Warner

It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians. - Henrik Ibsen

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Understand the key factors in the math behind viral marketing, and use those to figure out what it takes to get viral growth. - David Skok

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

Politicians get their power too late, and I think that he has inherited an impossible situation in which he is ill-equipped to deal. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


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