The Tree Is Up, Dear

Weeping Willow: Sad tree - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every man under his own fig tree. - Hebrew Saying

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

He lights up a room when he leaves it. - Henny Youngman

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

Pencil: A tiny tree used to draw a line in the sand - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

If you don't like where you are, move. You are not a tree. - Unknown

When you think about a walking tree, laughter is the response. - John Rhys-Davies

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

Disbelief: How you tell someone what the green stuff on a tree is - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw. - Eileen Curtright

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

Family Tree: The only tree whose branches seek the shelter of its roots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus

Zealotry: 1. The enemy of idealism; 2. What a tree salesman likes to do. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

There was nothing in the dark that wasn't there when the lights were on. - Rod Serling

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast. - Charles Dickens

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Chocolate comes from coco, which is a tree - that makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad. - Unknown

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Someone's sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. - Warren Buffett

Usually a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow. - Jeremy Clarkson

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four hours sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off the lights for economical rather than romantic reasons. - Lillian Carter

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Bountiful: What Captain Bligh declared after learning that one more breadfruit tree would sink his ship - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

He that climbs the tall tree has won the right to the fruit; he that leaps the wide gulf should prevail in his suit. - Walter Scott

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won't feel like you are alone anymore. - Unknown

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window. - Peter F Drucker

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

The axe cannot boast of the tree it has cut down. It could do nothing but for the woodsman. He made it, he sharpened it, and he used it. - Samuel Brengel

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. - Hafez

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown