#1 humor site on the 'net

'Tis But A Scratch

Merely a flesh wound

'Tis But A Scratch thanks to Tayson Hill

QuotaBills
Never insult anyone by accident. - Robert A. Heinlein

Scratch a lover, and find a foe. - Dorothy Parker

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. - Ogden Nash

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. - Mark Twain

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

Substance is not enough, accident is also required. - Greek Proverb

Stardom isn't a profession, it's an accident. - Lauren Bacall

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

Character is a diamond that scratches every other stone. - Cyrus A. Bartol

So many catastrophes in love are only accidents of egotism. - Hector Bianciotti

Giving never happens by accident. It's always intentional. - Amy Grant

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

If you scratch a cynic, you'll find a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

I aimed at the public's heart and by accident I hit it in the stomach. - Upton Sinclair

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature but beautiful old people are works of art. - Unknown

To be born free is an accident; to live free a responsibility; to die free is an obligation. - Mrs. Hubbard Davis

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

I don't understand American football at all. It looks like all-in wrestling with crash helmets. - Sting

The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances. - Aristotle

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or fortune but just yourself that kept things from you. - Lillian Hellman

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. - Judith Viorst

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin

I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. - Pele


He Looks Just Like His Father!

Happy Snow Car

Sand Strap Experience

Redneck Calf Feeder

BaCoN T-Shirt

Go Winterized

Car Igloo

Hen Pecked

It's Movie Time

In The Dog House

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Diaper Change

Palestinian Security Check

Wurst-Case Scenario

High-Rise Inifinity Pool

Winter Kayaking

Balanced Family Life

Closed Ahead

Forgettable Fishing Trips

I've Got Your Back

Dr Pepper Financing

Wine Therapy

Weakest Part

Cycle Circles