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Pastor's Donkey
Being too concerned about public opinion
A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again - and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey, and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is... being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, and can even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own - you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey, and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is... being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, and can even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own - you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Center Of Mass: The Priest - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A good example is the best sermon. - Unknown
The proverb answers where the sermon fails. - W.G. Simms
Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest? - Henry II
An ounce of mother is worth a tone of priest. - Spanish Proverb
One filled with joy preaches without preaching. - Mother Teresa
May your life preach more loudly than your lips. - William E Channing
Babylon: What the Preacher does during some sermons - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Some Catlick priest sprinkling incest over everyone. - Archie Bunker
Many people believe in God, but not many believe God. - Mark Dudley
Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words. - St. Francis of Assisi
An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching. - Mahatma Gandhi
A sermon is no sermon in which I cannot hear the heartbeat. - Henry Longfellow
A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. - Arnold Haultain
Live so that the pastor won't have to lie at your funeral. - Phil Callaway
Sometimes God allows what he hates to accomplish what he loves. - Joni Eareckson Tada
No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. - Mark Twain
A sermon wept over is more acceptable with God than one gloried over. - Charles H Spurgeon
I once heard a preacher who sorely tempted me to go to church no more. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I preach as never sure to preach again, and as a dying man to dying men. - Richard Baxter
If you preach to the hurts of people, you will never lack for an audience. - Joseph Parker
You can't preach it like it is if you don't believe it like it was. - Vance Havner
To love to preach is one thing; to love to whom you preach is quite another. - D. Martin Lloyd-Jones
The preacher who can't broaden or deepen his sermons usually lengthens them. - Unknown
I am a story teller. If I wanted to send a message I would have written a sermon. - Phillip Pullman
No man preaches his sermon well to others if he does not first preach it to his own heart. - John Owen
The devil will let a preacher prepare a sermon if it will keep him from preparing himself. - Vance Havner
A man must be orthodox upon most things or he will never have time to preach his own heresy. - G K Chesterton
In the cycle of a great civilization, the artist begins as priest, and ends as a clown or buffoon. - Malcolm Muggeridge
If you really believe in the message you're preaching, you want as many people as possible to listen. - Mark Batterson
I preach as though Christ was crucified yesterday; rose again from the dead today; and is coming back tomorrow. - Martin Luther
The character of our praying will determine the character of our preaching. Light praying makes light preaching. - E.M. Bounds
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. - Mark Twain
In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
Preaching is not the art of making a sermon and delivering it. Preaching is the art of making a preacher and delivering him. - Bishop Quayle
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns
Some preachers think only of their sermon; others think only of themselves: the man who wins the soul is the man who aims at it. - Dean Hook
I don't like to hear cut and dried sermons. No - when I hear a man preach, I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees. - Abraham Lincoln
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
The test of a preacher is that his congregation goes away saying, not, 'What a lovely sermon!' but, 'I will do something!' - Billy Graham
If a preacher is not first preaching to himself, better that he falls on the steps of the pulpit and breaks his neck than preaches that sermon. - John Calvin
God is on the lookout today for a man who will be quiet enough to get a message from Him, brave enough to preach it, and honest enough to live it. - Vance Havner
A good example is the best sermon. - Unknown
The proverb answers where the sermon fails. - W.G. Simms
Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest? - Henry II
An ounce of mother is worth a tone of priest. - Spanish Proverb
One filled with joy preaches without preaching. - Mother Teresa
May your life preach more loudly than your lips. - William E Channing
Babylon: What the Preacher does during some sermons - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Some Catlick priest sprinkling incest over everyone. - Archie Bunker
Many people believe in God, but not many believe God. - Mark Dudley
Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words. - St. Francis of Assisi
An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching. - Mahatma Gandhi
A sermon is no sermon in which I cannot hear the heartbeat. - Henry Longfellow
A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. - Arnold Haultain
Live so that the pastor won't have to lie at your funeral. - Phil Callaway
Sometimes God allows what he hates to accomplish what he loves. - Joni Eareckson Tada
No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. - Mark Twain
A sermon wept over is more acceptable with God than one gloried over. - Charles H Spurgeon
I once heard a preacher who sorely tempted me to go to church no more. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I preach as never sure to preach again, and as a dying man to dying men. - Richard Baxter
If you preach to the hurts of people, you will never lack for an audience. - Joseph Parker
You can't preach it like it is if you don't believe it like it was. - Vance Havner
To love to preach is one thing; to love to whom you preach is quite another. - D. Martin Lloyd-Jones
The preacher who can't broaden or deepen his sermons usually lengthens them. - Unknown
I am a story teller. If I wanted to send a message I would have written a sermon. - Phillip Pullman
No man preaches his sermon well to others if he does not first preach it to his own heart. - John Owen
The devil will let a preacher prepare a sermon if it will keep him from preparing himself. - Vance Havner
A man must be orthodox upon most things or he will never have time to preach his own heresy. - G K Chesterton
In the cycle of a great civilization, the artist begins as priest, and ends as a clown or buffoon. - Malcolm Muggeridge
If you really believe in the message you're preaching, you want as many people as possible to listen. - Mark Batterson
I preach as though Christ was crucified yesterday; rose again from the dead today; and is coming back tomorrow. - Martin Luther
The character of our praying will determine the character of our preaching. Light praying makes light preaching. - E.M. Bounds
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. - Mark Twain
In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
Preaching is not the art of making a sermon and delivering it. Preaching is the art of making a preacher and delivering him. - Bishop Quayle
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns
Some preachers think only of their sermon; others think only of themselves: the man who wins the soul is the man who aims at it. - Dean Hook
I don't like to hear cut and dried sermons. No - when I hear a man preach, I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees. - Abraham Lincoln
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
The test of a preacher is that his congregation goes away saying, not, 'What a lovely sermon!' but, 'I will do something!' - Billy Graham
If a preacher is not first preaching to himself, better that he falls on the steps of the pulpit and breaks his neck than preaches that sermon. - John Calvin
God is on the lookout today for a man who will be quiet enough to get a message from Him, brave enough to preach it, and honest enough to live it. - Vance Havner
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