#1 humor site on the 'net

Pepsi Transfusion

Is there too much sugar in your preferred blood type?

Pepsi Transfusion thanks to Darren Gawel

the Joe-kster: 'Darren, what was the most-ever Pepsi you've drank in one day?'
Darren: '7 liters'

QuotaBills
Flew: Plane sickness. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Pain and suffering are God's megaphone. - C S Lewis

Borscht: Beet soup with high blood pressure - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. - Max Eastman

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

I am not into working out. My philosophy: no pain, no pain. - Carol Leifer

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal. - C S Lewis

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it. - J K Rowling

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

Everybody has losses - it's unavoidable in life. Sharing our pain is very healing. - Isabel Allende

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

The same hot lightning that burns your blood with passion–– cools your fears with peace. - Aberjhani

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

Poker Hand: What you do when you’re trying to get a blood sample from the finger of a lady - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. - C S Lewis

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain; meaninglessness comes from being weary of pleasure. - G K Chesterton

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Pain is a sign that we are alive. Problems are a sign that we are strong. Prayer is a sign that we are not alone. - Unknown

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

So often the difference from where we are, and where God wants us to be, is the pain we aren't wiling to endure to get there. - Craig Groeschel

In order to have great happiness you have to have great pain and unhappiness - otherwise how would you know when you're happy? - Leslie Caron

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

Do something everyday that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain. - Mark Twain

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Where we always start is: What's the user's itch? What's their pain point that occurs frequently enough to build a habit around? - Nir Eyal

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman


Camper Tank

Shipley Donut Pants

Distressing Artwork

Child's Motorcycle Helmet

Montana Mountain Bike

Sealtastic

Bland Entrance

Cruising Advice

Cat Dugout

Open Drive Through

Secret Revealed

Tired Flagpole

Bent Car Sculpture

Cow Jacket

Thanks For Noticing

Overflow Truck Garden

Beach Sign Training

Encouraging Seal

GMC Pool

Nature Calls

You're Home Early

New Nail Gun

Long Noodles

EMS Upgrade