#1 humor site on the 'net

Purrfect Valentine

A heart rendering story

Purrfect Valentine thanks to Marlene Goodman

QuotaBills
A meowing cat catches no mice. - Yiddish proverb

International Spade The Cat Week - Archie Bunker

After dark, all cats are leopards. - Zuni Proverb

Don't judge a cat by its coat. - Magdalena VandenBerg

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

When the cat dies, the mice rejoice. - African saying

When the cat's away, the mice will play. - French Proverb

A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. - Arab Proverb

Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser

A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. - Hazel Nicholson

First Aid Kit: A cat that works for the Red Cross. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat. - Leo Dworkin

I claim there ain't another Saint as great as Valentine. - Ogden Nash

Valentine hearts beat more passionately than everyday hearts. - Unknown

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle

The Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him. - Rudyard Kipling

If the cat sits long enough at the hole, it will catch the mouse. - Irish proverb

Hairball: When a cat throws up to the basketball hoop, and misses - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A lame cat is better than a swift horse when rats infest the palace. - Chinese Proverb

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. - Albert Schweitzer

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. - Garrison Keillor

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. - Groucho Marx

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. - Milton Berle

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. - Mark Twain

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. - Mark Twain

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer

When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
May luck be yours on Halloween. - Unknown

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade without further introduction. - Mark Twain

Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine! - Thomas Hood

In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat. - Warren Eckstein

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. - Will Rogers

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. - Mark Twain

To the romantic soul, the rituals of Valentine's Day echo every day of the year. - Richelle E. Goodrich

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. - Doug Larson

I love cats because I enjoy my home, and little by little they become its visible soul. - Jean Cocteau

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. - Hippolyte Taine

Always the cat remains a little beyond the limits we try to set for him in our blind folly. - Andre Norton

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. - Charles Darwin

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. - William Shakespeare

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her. - Montaigne

Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz

When witches go riding and black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers, 'tis near Halloween. - Unknown

I will be deafer than the blue-eyed cat, And thrice as blind as any noonday owl, To holy virgins in their ecstasies. - Alfred Tennyson

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

When I hear of an 'equity' in a case like this, I am reminded of a blind man in a dark room - looking for a black cat - which isn't there. - Charles Bowen

This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz

Non-Muslims in Saudi Arabia can only celebrate Valentine's Day behind closed doors. Apparently, this has led to a huge black market for flowers and wrapping paper. - John Niven

Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. - Cesar Romero

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown

The ancient feud between cat and dog is not forgotten in the north, for the Lynx is the deadly foe of the Fox and habitually kills it when there is soft snow and scarcity of easier prey. - Ernest T. Seton


Child's Motorcycle Helmet

Montana Mountain Bike

Sealtastic

Bland Entrance

Cruising Advice

Cat Dugout

Open Drive Through

Secret Revealed

Tired Flagpole

Bent Car Sculpture

Cow Jacket

Thanks For Noticing

Overflow Truck Garden

Beach Sign Training

Encouraging Seal

GMC Pool

Nature Calls

You're Home Early

New Nail Gun

Long Noodles

EMS Upgrade

No Pot Of Gold

Graduation Swag

Monkeypox