#1 humor site on the 'net

Ranch-Grown Slugs

Pacific Northwest treat, packed in water for low-calory, low-sodium diets

Ranch-Grown Slugs thanks to Keith Blake

Resist the urge to use lots of salt!

Ranch-Grown Slugs thanks to Keith Blake

Ranch-Grown Slugs thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
I hid myself in food. - Gordon Ramsay

Tacos are the food of genius. - Heather Brewer

Fine words do not produce food. - Nigeria Proverb

Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

Food tastes better when you wear it. - Erin Dealey

Patience is the secret to good food. - Gail Simmons

It's okay to play with your food. - Emeril Lagasse

Then you add two forkfuls of cooking oil. - The French Chef

The best food is whatever fills the belly. - Arab Proverb

By perseverance the snail reached the ark. - Charles H Spurgeon

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate. - Emily Dickinson

Thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot! - William Shakespeare

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life. - Oliver C. Wilson

I'm tired of recipes assuming I have a stove. - Kevin Farzad

Food is our common ground, a universal experience. - James Beard

Where love sets the table, food tastes at its best. - French Proverb

Food tastes best when you eat it with your own spoon. - Denmark Proverb

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare. - Ed Begley Jr.

I just love Chinese food. My favorite dish is number 27. - Clement Attlee

I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. - Julia Child

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. - Mike Myers

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Jane Austen

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

We are seldom aware of what's cooking until the pot boils over. - Amish Saying

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. - Dave Barry

If you are looking for a fly in your food, it means that you are full. - South Africa Proverb

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. - Nicole Hollander

Grocerise: To sell off non-perishable food articles through eBeh channels - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best comfort food will always be greens, cornbread, and fried chicken. - Maya Angelou

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Your food is close to your stomach, but you must put it in your mouth first. - African Saying

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. - Chris Rock

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

What else is there to live for? Chinese food and women. There is nothing else! - Dudley Moore

Exercise is king, nutrition is queen. Put them together and you have a kingdom. - Jack LaLanne

When I get a little money, I buy books. If any is left, I buy food and clothes. - Erasmus

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

It's better to move forward at a snail's pace, than backward at any pace. - Rhonda Begos

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

People want honest, flavourful food, not some show-off meal that takes days to prepare. - Ted Allen

A recipe is only a theme, which an intelligent cook can play each time with a variation. - Madame Benoit

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. - Jimmy Fallon

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again. - George Miller

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. - JRR Tolkien

Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. - Carl Jung

If fat people just gave skinny people more food, we could solve obesity and hunger at the same time. - Ashton Kutcher

If we're not willing to settle for junk living, we certainly shouldn't settle for junk food. - Sally Edwards

Number theorists are like lotus-eaters – having once tasted of this food they can never give it up. - Leopold Kronecker

Food: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm not always optimistic. You wouldn't have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins. - Carol Burnett

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

If music be the food of love, play on, give me excess of it; that surfeiting, the appetite may sicken, and so die. - William Shakespeare

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Malenutrition: The practice of depriving a man from food for more than a couple of hours - or during a football game - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude. - Buddy Valastro

A burrito is a delicious food item that breaks down all social barriers and leads to temporary spiritual enlightenment. - Lisi Harrison

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

I like Pirate's Booty. Prunes and olives, too. I love hummus. I can eat that until I die. I tend to eat mostly organic food. - Queen Latifah

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." - Unknown

I like a well-roasted rotisserie chicken and eggs cooked various ways like sunny-side up or scrambled. It's comfort food for me. - Joel Robuchion

I like a quiet evening with family or friends over, great food and great discussion, and a lot of laughter. That's really what fills my tank. - Anna Eshoo

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. - Edith Sitwell

There is one longing almost as deep and imperious as the desire for food and sleep. It is the desire to be great. It is the desire to be important. - Dale Carnegie


Instant Acrophobia

How To Hire Engineers

Business School Basics

Waterwheel Rotisserie

Elephant Bus

Promote Yourself

Time Machine

Redneck Engagement Ring

Forever Clean Toilet

Edible Clock

Up-Set & Hungry Trucks

Bear Pinata

Swim Vacation

What Are Your Skills?

Portable Barber Shop

Snail Trail

Anger Release Machine

Pun-e Signs

Wake Me At Noon

Pringle Art

Lodge Welcome

Holstein or Holestein?

Dead Poirot

Restroom Fragrance