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Virus Update

What we now know about the Covid virus

Virus Update thanks to Barry McCartney

Based on Government announcements, we know that:

It won't infect people at a wedding unless there are more than 50 people. And it also won't infect anyone at a funeral, as long as there are not more than 20 people.

So not only can the Virus count, it can also differentiate between a wedding and a funeral.

This Virus owns a watch and can tell time. It does spread in public places and restaurants, but only after 9 pm and not before. So, it's safe to be out before 9 pm and not after 9 pm.

It also only infects if you're in a group of more than 4, but not at weddings or funerals where it's 50 and 20 people, obviously.

Masks do work, that's why people will be fined for not wearing them, but not in pubs and restaurants, because as already discovered, the Virus doesn't infect in pubs or restaurants until after 9 pm.

You can also safely remove your mask at a crowded eating place because the Virus is polite and won't attack when you are eating. But don't remove your mask before food is served, as the Virus will attack if it sees you without a mask and not eating.

Cinemas, gyms, etc are also immune from the Virus 'cause the Virus can't afford cinema tickets or gym memberships.

The Virus also sticks to specific post codes and barricades, this is why some areas have stricter rules than others. And once you cross the border, the Virus will not follow you.

The Virus attacks those who do not queue up for public transportation, so you see everyone practices social distancing and queue.

But once inside buses and commuter trains, then you are fine to be crowded because the Virus won't attack, as it hates traveling in crowded public vehicles.

But once you get off the crowded public vehicles, then you are not safe again in private vehicles and cannot travel in the same car because the Virus doesn't like those who are not from the same address traveling together in private cars.

Oh, and political gatherings/rallies are perfectly fine in large groups regardless of any rules. That's because the Ministers set the rules, and the Virus obeys the rules.

It's OK not to quarantine if the Minister says so, and the Virus will look for other victims. It will not touch government employees or government pass holders.

Prisoners are fine to be crowded and since they are in prison, the Virus doesn't like criminals, so social distancing is not important for them.

The Virus is very merciful because it doesn't attack beggars and homeless people living on streets and footpaths, as it knows they cannot afford tests and hospitalization. And also it will not attack thousands of farmers who are on protest near the Delhi border.

The Virus will not touch you for fifteen days if you have done a PCR test and proven negative.

The Virus takes a vacation from waving at people during Festivals and will return to start second and third waves.

QuotaBills
That virus is a pussycat. - Peter Duesberg

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Pain will leave you, when you let go. - Jeremy Aldana

This virus just breaks all the rules. - Thomas Scott

Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown

The pain passes, but the beauty remains. - Pierre-August Renoir

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Pain and suffering are God's megaphone. - C S Lewis

God is a concept by which we measure our pain. - John Lennon

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Leaders don't inflict pain; they share pain. - Max Depree

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Champions expect pain, endure pain, and never complain. - Unknown

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

The more you get past pain, the more it goes from coal to diamond. - Jodi Picoult

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal. - C S Lewis

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. - Joseph Campbell

No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown. - William Penn

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

The single biggest threat to man's continued dominance on the planet is the virus. - Joshua Lederberg

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

Pain is neither intolerable nor everlasting... it is in the power of the soul to maintain its own serenity. - Marcus Aurelius

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. For every challenge encountered there is opportunity for growth. - Unknown

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

In order to have great happiness you have to have great pain and unhappiness - otherwise how would you know when you're happy? - Leslie Caron

The pain started years ago, but I'd lived with it for so long at that point that I'd accepted it as an inevitable part of me. - Ashley Wallis

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid


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