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Virus Update

What we now know about the Covid virus

Virus Update thanks to Barry McCartney

Based on Government announcements, we know that:

It won't infect people at a wedding unless there are more than 50 people. And it also won't infect anyone at a funeral, as long as there are not more than 20 people.

So not only can the Virus count, it can also differentiate between a wedding and a funeral.

This Virus owns a watch and can tell time. It does spread in public places and restaurants, but only after 9 pm and not before. So, it's safe to be out before 9 pm and not after 9 pm.

It also only infects if you're in a group of more than 4, but not at weddings or funerals where it's 50 and 20 people, obviously.

Masks do work, that's why people will be fined for not wearing them, but not in pubs and restaurants, because as already discovered, the Virus doesn't infect in pubs or restaurants until after 9 pm.

You can also safely remove your mask at a crowded eating place because the Virus is polite and won't attack when you are eating. But don't remove your mask before food is served, as the Virus will attack if it sees you without a mask and not eating.

Cinemas, gyms, etc are also immune from the Virus 'cause the Virus can't afford cinema tickets or gym memberships.

The Virus also sticks to specific post codes and barricades, this is why some areas have stricter rules than others. And once you cross the border, the Virus will not follow you.

The Virus attacks those who do not queue up for public transportation, so you see everyone practices social distancing and queue.

But once inside buses and commuter trains, then you are fine to be crowded because the Virus won't attack, as it hates traveling in crowded public vehicles.

But once you get off the crowded public vehicles, then you are not safe again in private vehicles and cannot travel in the same car because the Virus doesn't like those who are not from the same address traveling together in private cars.

Oh, and political gatherings/rallies are perfectly fine in large groups regardless of any rules. That's because the Ministers set the rules, and the Virus obeys the rules.

It's OK not to quarantine if the Minister says so, and the Virus will look for other victims. It will not touch government employees or government pass holders.

Prisoners are fine to be crowded and since they are in prison, the Virus doesn't like criminals, so social distancing is not important for them.

The Virus is very merciful because it doesn't attack beggars and homeless people living on streets and footpaths, as it knows they cannot afford tests and hospitalization. And also it will not attack thousands of farmers who are on protest near the Delhi border.

The Virus will not touch you for fifteen days if you have done a PCR test and proven negative.

The Virus takes a vacation from waving at people during Festivals and will return to start second and third waves.

QuotaBills
Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown

The pain passes, but the beauty remains. - Pierre-August Renoir

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

God is a concept by which we measure our pain. - John Lennon

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Through pain I've learned to comfort suffering men. - Virgil

The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom. - Arthur Schopenhauer

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. - Kenji Miyazawa

I am not into working out. My philosophy: no pain, no pain. - Carol Leifer

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal. - C S Lewis

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man. - Dr. Seuss

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

Pain is neither intolerable nor everlasting... it is in the power of the soul to maintain its own serenity. - Marcus Aurelius

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Just like a shoe, if someone is meant for you, they will fit just perfectly. No forcing, no struggling, and no pain. - Unknown

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

So often the difference from where we are, and where God wants us to be, is the pain we aren't wiling to endure to get there. - Craig Groeschel

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

There are two ways you can get through pain. You can let it destroy you, or you can use it as fuel to drive you: to dream bigger, to work harder. - Taylor Swift

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler


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