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Virus Update

What we now know about the Covid virus

Virus Update thanks to Barry McCartney

Based on Government announcements, we know that:

It won't infect people at a wedding unless there are more than 50 people. And it also won't infect anyone at a funeral, as long as there are not more than 20 people.

So not only can the Virus count, it can also differentiate between a wedding and a funeral.

This Virus owns a watch and can tell time. It does spread in public places and restaurants, but only after 9 pm and not before. So, it's safe to be out before 9 pm and not after 9 pm.

It also only infects if you're in a group of more than 4, but not at weddings or funerals where it's 50 and 20 people, obviously.

Masks do work, that's why people will be fined for not wearing them, but not in pubs and restaurants, because as already discovered, the Virus doesn't infect in pubs or restaurants until after 9 pm.

You can also safely remove your mask at a crowded eating place because the Virus is polite and won't attack when you are eating. But don't remove your mask before food is served, as the Virus will attack if it sees you without a mask and not eating.

Cinemas, gyms, etc are also immune from the Virus 'cause the Virus can't afford cinema tickets or gym memberships.

The Virus also sticks to specific post codes and barricades, this is why some areas have stricter rules than others. And once you cross the border, the Virus will not follow you.

The Virus attacks those who do not queue up for public transportation, so you see everyone practices social distancing and queue.

But once inside buses and commuter trains, then you are fine to be crowded because the Virus won't attack, as it hates traveling in crowded public vehicles.

But once you get off the crowded public vehicles, then you are not safe again in private vehicles and cannot travel in the same car because the Virus doesn't like those who are not from the same address traveling together in private cars.

Oh, and political gatherings/rallies are perfectly fine in large groups regardless of any rules. That's because the Ministers set the rules, and the Virus obeys the rules.

It's OK not to quarantine if the Minister says so, and the Virus will look for other victims. It will not touch government employees or government pass holders.

Prisoners are fine to be crowded and since they are in prison, the Virus doesn't like criminals, so social distancing is not important for them.

The Virus is very merciful because it doesn't attack beggars and homeless people living on streets and footpaths, as it knows they cannot afford tests and hospitalization. And also it will not attack thousands of farmers who are on protest near the Delhi border.

The Virus will not touch you for fifteen days if you have done a PCR test and proven negative.

The Virus takes a vacation from waving at people during Festivals and will return to start second and third waves.

QuotaBills
That virus is a pussycat. - Peter Duesberg

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

Pain is temporary; quitting is forever. - Lance Armstrong

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

IN GOD WE TRUST: All others we virus scan - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. - Joan Rivers

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

Through pain I've learned to comfort suffering men. - Virgil

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. - Kenji Miyazawa

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

A nurse will always give us hope, an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton

Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime. - Bette Davis

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal. - C S Lewis

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

The great art of life is sensation; to feel that we exist, even in pain. - Lord Byron

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. - Joseph Campbell

No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown. - William Penn

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

You purchase pain with all that joy can give and die of nothing but a rage to live. - Alexander Pope

It is my custom to call this book 'An Anatomy of All the Parts of the Soul.' - John Calvin

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

I started out as a football player. I liked to inflict pain. In basketball, it was the same thing. - Shaquille O'Neal

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. - C S Lewis

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

The concept that vaccine-induced immunity is superior in any way to natural immunity is sheer nonsense. - Dr Steven Pelech

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

Pain is neither intolerable nor everlasting... it is in the power of the soul to maintain its own serenity. - Marcus Aurelius

God loves us too much to leave us alone to contend with the pain, guilt and loneliness of our present life. - Josh McDowell

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

While some pain is probably inevitable in all relationships, successful couples are usually the ones who are able to forgive. - Ilona Boniwell

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman


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