#1 humor site on the 'net

Weather Channel Attire

Dressing for the mid-life occasion

Weather Channel Attire thanks to Keith Blake

Weather Channel Attire thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Chili: Edible weather - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Who picks your clothes? - Stevie Wonder

Uniform: Sheep's clothing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. - George Carlin

Lawsuits: Clothes worn by an attorney - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown

You bring your own weather to the picnic. - Harlan Coben

Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. - Joan Rivers

Lingerie: The only clothing where less costs more - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes. - Henry David Thoreau

Climate is what we expect. Weather is what we get. - Mark Twain

An end is in sight to the severe weather shortage. - Ian Macaskill

Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes. - Milton Berle

Next time you give your clothes away, stay in them. - Henny Youngman

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

Tirade: A trip to the clothing store to steal neckwear - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There is no friend like a sister, in calm or stormy weather. - Christina Rossetti

Women's Clothes: Go to extremes, but seldom to extremities - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The sage wears rough clothing and holds the jewel in his heart. - Lao-Tzu

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

It is best to read the weather forecasts before we pray for rain. - Mark Twain

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. - John Wagner

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. - Charles Dudley Warner

She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on her with a pitchfork. - Jonathan Swift

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

It is ever so much easier to be good if your clothes are fashionable. - L.M. Montgomery

Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

Pajamas: Items of clothing that newlyweds place beside the bed in case of fire - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I suppose the best kind of spring morning is the best weather God has to offer. - Dodie Smith

When I get a little money, I buy books. If any is left, I buy food and clothes. - Erasmus

Mirror: A truthful reflector shunned by vampires, hypocrites and aging fashion models - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fine clothes are good only as they supply the want of other means of procuring respect. - Samuel Johnson

I don't make plans, because life is short and unpredictable - much like the weather. - Al Roker

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. - Groucho Marx

You can lead audiences to a half-dressed, aging pop star but you can't make them watch. - Megan Basham

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson

Armor: 1. A knight gown; 2. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when'. - P G Wodehouse

Let's get an extended weather forecast from a jittery, inconsistent, reddish brown rodent. - Unknown

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Floordrobe: A floor littered with discarded clothes, viewed ironically as a clothing storage system - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The clothes in themselves do not make a statement. The woman makes the statement and the dress helps. - Jean Muir

The expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back. - Dale Carnegie

Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing? - Katherine Whitehorn

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. - Robert Frost

Sailor: 1. A man who makes his living on water but never touches it on shore; 2. A wolf in ship's clothing. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

They invented the three-day bank holiday weekend because you can't lump all the bad weather into just Saturday and Sunday. - Unknown

Calories: 1. Weight lifters; 2. Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Don't knock the weather. Nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. - Kin Hubbard

The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it, and wrong too often for us to rely on it. - Patrick Young

The long, dull, monotonous years of middle-aged prosperity or middle-aged adversity are excellent campaigning weather for the devil. - C S Lewis

Fall: The season when your wife buys new winter clothes so she will have something to wear when she goes out shopping for spring outfits - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. - Leonardo da Vinci

Aging: 1. A supposed ripening into wisdom that most Westerners attempt to delay as long as possible; 2. A one-way street with no stoplights. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Home is a place not only of strong affections, but of entire unreserve. It is life's undress rehearsal, its back-room, its dressing room. - Harriet Beecher Stowe

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump


Downchuck

Border Agent Alert

Cadillac Clearance

Leading By Example

Wired For Coffee

Cadillac Bike

Chip and Dip

Cat Couch Nap

Redneck Trophy Fish

Country Irony

'None Of The Above' Election Option

I've Got Your Back

Vintage Campers

Great Minds of History

But That Was Yesterday

Trudeau's Top Fails

Picture Of Me Getting Naked

Today's Paper Read Yesterday

Fear Of Change

Yes!

Unger Games

Stuck

Best Fairy Tale

Chanukah Special