TWOS-day

I am at two with nature. - Woody Allen

If: A two-letter word for futility - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Love is a game that two can play and both win. - Eva Gabor

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? - Unknown

Square Root: 1. Diced carrot; 2. Diced turnip. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. - Laurence Peter

In love there are two things - bodies and words. - Joyce Carol Oates

A journey is a person in itself, no two are alike. - John Steinbeck

One who sits between two chairs may easily fall down. - Romanian and Russian Proverb

There are two kinds of success: initial and ultimate. - Winston Churchill

A shortcut is the longest distance between two points. - Charles Issawi

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. - Aristotle

Commentator: 1. A talking spud; 2. An undistinguished potato. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Two fundamental literary qualities: supernaturalism and irony. - Charles Baudelaire

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

Doughnuts: 1. Rolling Scones; 2. The only nuts with holes in them. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves

Sandwich every bit of criticism between two heavy layers of praise. - Mary Kay Ash

No man has ever praised two persons equally - and pleased them both. - Arthur Helps

Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both. - Oscar Wilde

Acorn: 1. An oak in a nutshell; 2. Something painful on Dad's toe. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. - Harlan Ellison

Window: 1. A looking-out glass; 2. Place in the truck to hang your guns. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Current Events: 1. What an electrician worries about; 2. Electric shocks. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Architecture starts when you carefully put two bricks together. There it begins. - Ludwig Mies van der Rohe

There are two ways of exerting one’s strength: pushing down or pulling up. - Booker T. Washington

Character is the result of two things: Mental attitude and the way we spend our time. - Elbert Green Hubbard

You've got to concentrate on one idea. You can't ride a horse with two asses. - Joe Segal

Man has two great spiritual needs. One is for forgiveness. The other is for goodness. - Billy Graham

There are two kinds of light – the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. - James Thurber

I don't have lungs anymore. Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day. - Dylan Moran

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. - Woody Allen

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths. - Etty Hillesum

Richard Nixon was just offered two million dollars by Schick to do a commercial - for Gillette. - Gerald Ford

Early on, if I was alone two or three nights in a row, I'd start writing poems about suicide. - Jack Nicholson

The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder. - Virginia Woolf

If at first you don't succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant. - Unknown

You can't dance at two weddings at the same time; nor can you sit on two horses with one behind. - Yiddish Proverb

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought. - Laurence J Peter

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

There are only two rules for being successful. One, figure out exactly what you want to do, and two, do it. - Mario Cuomo

Income: 1. Something you cannot live without nor within; 2. The sum of money which it costs more than to live. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Old and new make the warp and woof of every moment. There is no thread that is not a twist of these two strands. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

A university is an institution that has two thousand seats in the classrooms and eighty thousand in the stadium. - Unknown

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ram: 1. Lamb's daddy; 2. The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work; 3. A sheep that always butts in. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Aftermath: 1. The period following algebra; 2. The horrible headache you have when you've finished the algebra test. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. - Lemony Snicket

Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? - George Carlin

Accountant: 1. A noble insect; 2. A dutiful book balancer whose role within a corporation is to protect it from creative ideas. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

Boat Anchor: 1. Thrown out when you need it, and taken in when you don't; 2. An old computer so useless that it needs to go to sea. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There are two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group - there is much less competition. - Indira Gandhi

There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second. - Logan P Smith

Motherhood: 1. The longest guilt trip you'll ever take; 2. If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com