Tom Swifties

Classic puns started in the 1920’s

“Don’t let me drown in Egypt!” pleaded Tom, deep in denial.
“It’s made the grass wet,” said Tom after due consideration.
“I used to be a paratrooper,” Tom explained.

“…” said Tom blankly.
“3.14159265,” Tom said piously.

“A dog bit me,” said Tom rabidly.
“A thousand thanks, Monsieur,” said Tom mercifully.
“Aha! Here’s someone who can’t speak!” exclaimed Tom dubmfoundedly.
“All my efforts were for nothing,” Tom said naughtily.
“All right, I will allow the prisoners to wear perfume,” the warden consented.
“All that’s left are the front and back,” Tom said decidedly.
“… and you lose a few,” concluded Tom winsomely.
“Another plate of seafood for me!” Tom clamored.
“Another work week begins,” said Tom mundanely.
“Are you all governors?” Tom asked, bored.

“Boy, I wish the elevator were working,” said Tom, staring up to the top.
“Boy, that’s a bright star,” said Tom seriously.
“Boy, that’s an ugly hippopotamus!” said Tom hypocritically.
“Brain surgery is not so easy,” said Tom absentmindedly.

“Can I become a chorister?” Tom inquired.
“Can I go for the Holy Grail again?” Tom requested.
“Change That Nappie Now,” said Tom distinctly.
“Congratulations – you graduated!” said Tom diplomatically.
“Consult an investment broker,” was Tom’s stock answer.
“Crosby is my favourite singer. Who is yours?” asked Tom probingly.

“Dat’s de end of April,” said Tom in dismay.
“Do the Japanese vote for politicians?” Tom said erectly.
“Do you buy and sell stolen goods?” asked Tom offensively.
“Do you know the location?” asked Tom warily.
“Doctor, why do you have to remove my womb?” asked Mary hysterically.
“Don’t add too much water,” said tom with great concentration.
“Don't give me any more crap,” said Tom dutifully.
“Don’t let me drown in Egypt!” pleaded Tom, deep in denial.
“Don’t nobody go teasin’ he momma’s momma with feather,” said Tom ungrammatically.
“Don’t you know my name?” asked Tom swiftly.

“Eating cabbage is a form of recycling, but I can’t eat any more,” said Tom wastefully.
“Eating uranium makes me feel funny,” said Tom radiantly.
“Elvis is dead,” said Tom expressly.
“Emily has put on weight,” said Tom emphatically.
“Europe needs more self-restraint,” said Tom continently.

“Felines should not have horns,” said Tom categorically.
“For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful,” said Tom gracefully.

“Give me a haircut,” Tom said barbarously.
“Global warming is the beast upon us,” said Tom allegorically.
“Good afternoon, Ms. Huston,” Tom said angelically.
“Guess who's in her locket,” said Tom independently.

“Hallelujah,” Tom said handily.
“Hang the meats in the window,” said Tom indelicately.
“Has my magazine arrived?” asked Tom periodically.
“Have some shampoo,” was Tom’s unconditional offer.
“Have you seen my collection of ancient Chinese artifacts?” asked Rom charmingly.
“He only likes whole grain bread,” Tom said wryly.
“Henry The Eighth!” said Tom unthinkingly.
“Here’s your allowance for the next two weeks,” Tom advanced.
“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.
“He's a good umpire,” said Tom superficially.
“He's a naughty wooden doll,” Tom opined.
“Hey, Vern! Knowwhutimean?” Tom said earnestly.
“Hey, what’s it worth if I help you escape from prison?” asked Tom contemptuously.
“Hey, you’re on my foot!” said Tom standoffishly.
“Hi, Laverne,” Tom said surely.
“How come my clock only makes ‘toc’s?” Tom asked mystically.
“How do you like your martini?” Tom asked drily.
“How do you start a model-T Ford without a battery?” asked Tom crankily.
“How long will I have to wait for a table?” asked Tom without reservation.

“I accidentally knelt in the henhouse,” said Tom with some agony.
“I admire East End gangsters,” said Tom crazily.
“I am removing the lining of my gloves,” Tom deferred.
“I already showed you how to do that,” Tom said tautly.
“I bought myself fifty hamburgers and I’ve only ten left,” said Tom with fortitude.
“I brush my teeth several times a day,” said Tom implacably.
“I can eat one hundred and forty-five,” Tom boasted grossly.
“I can no longer hear anything,” said Tom deftly.
“I can only afford tropical fruits,” said Tom parsimoniously.
“I can see because I have actual visual organs,” Tom realized.
“I can see the Greek woodland deity is no more,” Tom said with a deadpan expression.
“I can see through the window,” said Tom stiltedly.
“I can take photographs if I want to!” Tom snapped.
“I can tell which way the wind blows,” said Tom vainly.
“I can’t be bothered,” said Tom carelessly.
“I can’t do it!” Tom said notably.
“I can’t eat any more lemon peel,” said Tom zestfully.
“I can’t march any more!” the solder called haltingly.
“I chop down trees for a living,” said Tom lumberingly.
“I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer,” said Tom applauding.
“I couldn’t believe there were 631,792 bees in the swarm!” Tom recounted.
“I count three horizons,” Tom said horizontally.
“I cut my dog’s toenails too far,” Tom said quickly.
“I cut off the bottoms of my Levis so they won’t drag on the ground,” said Tom hygienically.
“I decided which car to purchase after looking at the pictures,” said Tom autobiographically.
“I didn’t do well in the test,” Tom said degradedly.
“I didn’t look at all!” Tom peeped.
“I don’t know any shanties,” said Tom unceasingly.
“I don’t like this Chardonnay,” Tom whined.
“I don’t think that leprechaun is telling the truth,” Tom implied.
“I don’t trust that pickle,” Tom said deliriously.
“I don’t work here on a regular basis,” said Tom casually.
“I dropped the toothpaste,” said Tom, crestfallen.
“I feel like a big black bird,” Tom crowed.
“I feel so empty,” said Tom vacuously.
“I find you guilty,” said the judge with conviction.
“I forgot what to buy, “Tom said listlessly.
“I got in through the window after opening it with a crowbar,” said Tom enterprisingly.
“I guess she fell off the motorcycle,” said Tom ruthlessly.
“I had an accident in the kitchen,” said Tom with panache.
“I hate metal on my teeth,” Tom said abrasively.
“I hate milking cows,” Tom uttered.
“I hate playing craps,” Tom said dicily.
“I have a BA in social work,” said Tom with a degree of concern.
“I have a delivery of shoes for the prisoners,” said Tom consolingly.
“I have a gift for you,” said Tom presently.
“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.
“I have been to a film festival in Southern France,” said Tom cannily.
“I have lost all my Hungarian sheet music,” said Tom listlessly.
“I have no idea,” said Tom thoughtlessly.
“I have no recollection of the last twenty-four hours,” said Tom lackadaisically.
“I have no underwear,” Tom said expansively.
“I have plenty of do’s but no don’t s” Tom said dauntlessly.
“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.
“I have to check the score on this exam again,” tom remarked.
“I have to fix the car,” said Tom mechanically.
“I have to keep these eggs warm,” Tom said honestly.
“I have to keep this fire alight,” Tom bellowed.
“I have to sing a run of eighth notes,” said Tom quaveringly.
“I have writer’s block,” said Tom contritely.
“I haven’t caught a fish all day!” Tom said, without debate.
“I haven’t had any tooth decay yet,” said Tom precariously.
“I haven’t had my photographs developed yet,” said Tom negatively.
“I hope I can still play the guitar,” Tom fretted.
“I invested in a hi-tech startup,” Tom ventured.
“I just bought a woolen sweater,” said Tom sheepishly.
“I just came in through the door,” said Tom, entranced.
“I just love power outages,” Tom said delightfully.
“I just won 1,000 dollars,” Tom said grandly.
“I know that herb would taste nice with this,” said Tom sagely.
“I know which boyd gets the woym,” said Tom in an oily voice.
“I laugh if you touch my feet,” said Tom pedantically.
“I like camping,” said Tom intently.
“I like Germany,” was Tom’s gut reaction.
“I like modern painting,” said Tom abstractly.
“I like ragged margins,” said Tom without justification.
“I love hot dogs,” said Tom with relish.
“I love the dodgers,” Oliver said artfully.
“I love Velveeta,” Tom said craftily.
“I make the armour out of chain links,” Tom replied by mail.
“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.
“I need a pencil sharpener,” said Tom bluntly.
“I need an injection,” Tom pleaded in vain.
“I only have 8 bits,” Tom said bitingly.
“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.
“I prefer to press my own clothes,” Tom said ironically.
“I prefer trout to salmon,” Tom said officiously.
“I presented my case to the judge,” Tom said briefly.
“I punched him in the stomach three times,” said Tom triumphantly.
“I put all my money into an IRA,” Tom said interestedly.
“I see,” said Tom icily.
“I shall see to it well in advance,” said Tom tenderly.
“I split my pants,” said Tom with some cheek.
“I still haven’t struck oil,” said Tom boringly.
“I suppose I’ll have to write my name again,” said Tom resignedly.
“I swallowed some of the glass from that broken window,” Tom said painfully.
“I teach at a university,” Tom professed.
“I think I’ll use a different font,” said Tom boldly.
“I think I’ve broken my leg,” reported Tom lamely.
“I think my tires are bald,” Tom said warily.
“I think someone electrified the corridor,” Tom said haltingly.
“I think that wasp is in pain,” Tom bemoaned.
“I told you not to ride that horse,” Tom nagged.
“I took out the trash,” Tom said literally.
“I tripped over the lamp plug,” Tom said cordially.
“I unclogged the kitchen sink with a vacuum cleaner,” Tom said succinctly.
“I used lots of detergent in late December,” was Tom’s yuletide comment.
“I used to be a paratrooper,” Tom explained.
“I used to command a battalion of German ants,” said Tom exuberantly.
“I visit my parents every Sunday,” said Tom weakly.
“I want a motorized bicycle,” Tom moped.
“I want to date other women,” said Tom unsteadily.
“I want to renew my membership,” Tom rejoined.
“I was absolutely vitrified,” said Tom with a glazed look.
“I was adopted,” said Tom transparently.
“I was removed from office,” said Tom disappointedly.
“I was the first to climb Mount Everest,” said Tom hilariously.
“I will now demonstrate how to dissect a sheep,” delivered Tom.
“I wish I could remember the name of that card game,” said Tom wistfully.
“I wish I had something to write with,” Tom said pensively.
“I wonder if I’d have better luck if I fished with a net,” Tom debated.
“I wonder if the next character is going to appear,” said Tom with a cursory glance.
“I wonder if there’s a number between seven and nine,” said Tom considerately.
“I wonder if this will unlock the palace gates,” said Tom kinkily.
“I wonder what it was like being one of Zeus’s daughters,” Tom mused.
“I wonder why the hive’s still empty,” said Tom belatedly.
“I won’t be on time,” Tom said belatedly.
“I won’t buy a circuit breaker,” Tom refused.
“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.
“I won’t play for this team any longer,” Tom decided.
“I won’t stand for painting,” said Tom uneasily.
“I won’t tell you anything about my salivary glands,” said Tom secretively.
“I work at a bank,” said Tom tellingly.
“I wouldn’t like anything but just that,” said Tom wantonly.
“I’d better repeat that SOS message,” said Tom remorsefully.
“I’d give that hornet a 10,” Tom said beratingly.
“I’d like to be a Chinese labourer,” said Tom coolly.
“I’d like to eat sixteen cakes,” Tom agreed.
“I’d like to teach the world to sing…” Tom said coaxingly.
“I’d love some Chinese soup,” said Tom wantonly.
“If I let go of the ceiling it will collapse,” Tom upheld.
“Ignore the first three turnings,” directed Tom forthrightly.
“I’ll have to send that telegram again,” Tom said remorsefully.
“I’m a lot taller than I was yesterday,” said Tom gruesomely.
“I’m about to hit the golf ball,” Tom forwarned.
“I’m as busy as a bee,” Tom droned.
“I’m as strong as a sled dog,” Tom said huskily.
“I’m building up my muscles,” Tom insinuated.
“I’m burning aromatic substances,” said Tom, incensed.
“I’m concerned about the number of people not attending,” said Tom absentmindedly.
“I’m covered in blood,” Tom said readily.
“I’m definitely going camping again,” said Tom with intent.
“I’m embarrassed,” Tom admitted readily.
“I’m Irish,” said Tom wryly.
“I’m falling into a void,” said Tom flawlessly.
“I’m going after that red fish,” said Tom erringly.
“I’m going to be intestate,” said Tom unwillingly.
“I’m going up,” Tom said innocently.
“I’m halfway up a mountain,” Tom alleged.
“I’m impotent,” Tom said softly.
“I’m just an ordinary soldier,” Tom admitted privately.
“I’m just going to put these handcuffs on you,” said Tom manically.
“I’m losing my hair,” Tom bawled.
“I’m mentioned in this book,” said Tom contentedly.
“I’m not going to give up anything this Easter,” said Tom relentlessly.
“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.
“I’m on social security,” said Tom dolefully.
“I’m putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses,” Tom summarized.
“I’m shocked,” said Tom electrically.
“I’m sure we can fool them into thinking this is pollen,” said Tom beguilingly.
“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.
“I’m taking this ship back into harbour,” Tom reported.
“I’m testing this boomerang,” said Tom triflingly.
“I’m the butcher’s assistant,” said Tom cuttingly.
“I’m the world’s most aggressive matador,” Tom rambled.
“I’m trying to get some air circulating under the roof,” said Tom fanatically.
“I’m waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.
“I’m wearing a ribbon round my arm,” said Tom with abandon.
“Is it true that some animals will eat their own young?” asked Tom literately.
“Is your name Timothy or Russell?” Tom asked timorously.
“It doesn’t smell anymore,” Tom said distinctly.
“It has zero height, zero width, and just a little depth,” said Tom, stretching the point.
“It might be an asteroid,” said Tom noncommittally.
“It’s homemade soup,” said Tom uncannily.
“It’s made the grass wet,” said Tom after due consideration.
“It’s time for a second funeral,” Tom rehearsed.
“It’s twelve noon”, Tom chimed in.
“It’s two, two, two mints in one,” Tom said certainly.
“It’s 3 A.M.,” Tom said mournfully.
“It’s a German song,” Tom lied.
“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.
“It’s an actual parameter, not a formal parameter,” was Tom’s argument.
“It’s become much bigger,” said Tom with a groan.
“It's finally Spring again,” said Tom with relief.
“It’s just gold leaf,” said Tom guiltily.
“It’s my personal magnetism,” said Tom ironically.
“It’s not fair!” said Tom darkly.
“It’s only average,” said Tom meanly.
“It’s the maid’s night off,” Tom said helplessly.
“It’s the quotient of two integers,” said Tom rationally.
“I’ve an urgent appointment,” said Tom in Russian.
“I’ve borrowed my sister’s camping gear,” said Tom insistently.
“I’ve been feeding the crocodile,” said Tom offhandedly.
“I’ve been listening to the Brandenburg Concertos,” Tom barked.
“I’ve deduced that this is the right way,” said Tom pathologically.
“I’ve discovered the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything!” Tom said fortuitously.
“I’ve forgotten the German word for ‘four’” Tom said fearlessly.
“I’ve found the pens used to sign the civil war surrender,” Tom said pensively.
“I’ve gained thirty pounds,” said Tom heavily.
“I’ve got sand in my dinner,” said Tom grittily.
“I’ve got to stop this motor,” Tom choked.
“I’ve had my left and right ventricles removed,” Tom said half-heartedly.
“I’ve joined the Airborne Medical Corps,” said Tom paradoxically.
“I’ve joined the Navy,” Tom said fleetingly.
“I’ve locked onto the target,” Tom said insightfully.
“I’ve mailed the letter,” Tom assented.
“I’ve never had a car accident,” said Tom recklessly.
“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.
“I’ve paid my annual subscription,” Tom remembered.
“I’ve removed all the feathers from this chicken,” said Tom pluckily.
“I’ve run out of wool,” said Tom, knitting his brow.
“I’ve still got two fingers left,” said Tom handsomely.
“I’ve struck oil!” said Tom crudely.
“I’ve stuck a pin through my nose,” said Tom punctually.
“I’ve thought of another exception,” Tom rebutted.
“I’ve transferred my money back into a German bank account,” Tom remarked with interest.

“Leonard must pull us out of the water,” said Tom officiously. (Oh, fish us, Lee)
“Let me improvise this part,” said Tom descriptively.
“Let’s blow up these paddies,” Tom said derisively.
“Let’s eat kosher tonight,” said Tom judiciously.
“Let's feed the dogs early,” said Tom waggishly.
“Let’s take a vacation in the south of France,” said Tom nicely.
“Like my new refrigerator,” asked Tom coolly.
“Look who's there in the shadows,” said Tom with delight.

“May I introduce the family Stone?” Tom asked slyly.
“Maybe I crashed my car,” said Tom indirectly.
“Monaural and quadraphonic systems are exceptions,” said Tom stereotypically.
“My bicycle wheel is damaged,” said Tom outspokenly.
“My bicycle wheel is melting,” Tom spoke softly.
“My bouquet needs brighter flowers,” said Tom lackadaisically.
“My clothes are pressed,” Tom said ironically.
“My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.
“My grape juice has fermented,” Tom whined.
“My hair’s been cut off,” Tom said distressfully.
“My parents are called Billy and Nanny.” Tom kidded.
“My pencil is blunt,” said Tom pointlessly.
“My prune-yard is the best in the world,” said Tom with aplomb.
“My sign is cancer. What’s my horoscope?” Tom asked crabbily.
“My tongue feels numb,” Tom said distastefully.
“My voice is deep,” Tom said basically.

“Nay, nay, and again I say nay,” Tom said hoarsely.
“Nay!” said Tom hoarsely.
“Never toast marshmallows in a canoe,” said Tom flamboyantly.
“No ellipses, parabolas or hyperbolas,” said Tom laconically.
“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.
“Nobody has scored yet in the tennis game,” said Tom lovingly.
“Now, how can I trick Sidney?” Tom considered.
“Now I can do some painting,” said Tom easily.
“Now I have the tools to chop down that tree,” said Tom with a heavy accent.
“Now the jigzaw puzzle is complete,” said Tom peacefully.

“Oh, no! I dropped my toothpaste,” said Tom, crestfallen.
“OK, you can borrow it again,” Tom relented.
“OK, you can switch on the electric chair now,” said Tom conceitedly.
“Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess,” Tom began grimly.
“Only if you want more kids,” Tom ejaculated.
“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.
“Ouch! When I get stung, I want revenge,” said Tom begrudgingly.
“Ought I to do this?” asked Tom with a shudder.
“Our local clergyman has a toothache,” said Tom vicariously.

“Paint it blue again,” Tom said reassuringly.
“Parsely, sage, rosemary,” said Tom timelessly.
“Pass the playing cards,” said Tom ideally.
“Perhaps I will,” said Tom with all his might.
“Phew! I’ve just finished learning all Shakespeare’s works,” said Tom willfully.
“Please be careful where you sit,” said Tom tactfully.
“Please put some folds in these trousers,” Tom pleaded.
“Pretend we were in here in the days before railways,” Tom coached.
“Put on some clean clothes,” said Tom disdainfully.

“Quick, Della! Phone Lieutenant Tragg! Mr. Mason’s been kidnapped!” Tom said perilously.

“Rowing hurts my hands,” said Tom callously.

“She even flies her own jet,” Tom leered.
“Smoking is not permitted in here,” Tom fumed.
“So only one person arrived at the party before I did?” Tom second-guessed.
“So this is where they make movies,” Tom said studiously.
“Some you lose,” said Tom winsomely.
“Some day I'll find a working enema,” said Tom undeterred.
“Some day I’ll run the CIA,” said Tom aspiringly.
“Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers,” said Tom soothingly.
“Someone bumped into me while I was brushing my teeth,” said Tom with a gleam in his eye.
“Someone removed all the twos from this deck,” Tom deduced.
“Someone stole my wheels,” Tom said tirelessly.
“Someone took all my pennies,” said Tom nonsensically.
“Sorry! I’ve accidentally pierced your cheek instead,” said Tom mysteriously.
“Stop, horse! Stop!” cried Tom woefully.
“Stop your sniveling,” Tom decried.

“Take Sominex,” Tom said sleepily.
“Thank you so much, Monsieur,” said Tom mercifully.
“Thanks for shredding the cheese,” Tom said gratefully.
“That ball was right over the plate,” Tom said strikingly.
“That bird is sick,” Tom said illegally.
“That certainly took the wind out of my sails!” said Tom disgustedly.
“That horse looks like a good bet at 20 to 1,” said Tom oddly.
“That jacket is too tight on you,” said Tom fittingly.
“That just doesn’t add up,” said Tom, nonplussed.
“That little devil didn’t tell the truth,” Tom implied.
“That rock star stole my act,” said Tom viciously.
“That young insect is female,” said Tom gallantly.
“That’s already been taken care of,” Tom pretended.
“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.
“That’s nothing!” said Tom naughtily.
“That’s price fixing!” said Tom caustically.
“The average frequency of my voice is 160 HZ,” said Tom in measured tones.
“The bank doesn’t want me as a customer,” said Tom unaccountably.
“The cat sounds as if she’s happy now that she’s been fed,” said Tom purposefully.
“The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show,” said Tom deludedly.
“The criminals were escorted downstairs,” said Tom condescendingly.
“The doctor had to remove a bone from my arm,” said Tom humourlessly.
“The doctor had to remove my left ventricle,” said Tom half-heartedly.
“The door’s ajar,” said Tom openly.
“The escaped prisoner is camping out in the woods,” said Tom contentedly.
“The exit is right there,” Tom pointed out.
“The girl has been kidnapped,” said Tom mistakenly.
“The lion has its head caught in the skylight,” said Tom uproariously.
“The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria, and the Titanic,” Tom said forbodingly.
“The PH is too low,” Tom said acidly.
“The policeman charged me twenty bucks for speeding,” said Tom finally.
“The prisoner escaped down a rope,” said Tom condescendingly.
“The prisoners set up a company,” the warden confirmed.
“The radio reception is much better now,” said To ecstatically.
“The river has gotten rough,” Tom said rapidly.
“The seesaw is upside down,” said Tom saucily.
“The situation is grave,” Tom said cryptically.
“The steamroller is amazing,” said Tom flatteringly.
“The sun is rising,” Tom mourned.
“The wind is awful,” blustered Tom.
“Their whole family went the same place,” said Tom clandestinely.
“There are tiny bugs in the dust,” Tom said mightily.
“There must be a power outage,” said Tom delightedly.
“There seems to be at least one blood-sucking insect in every outhouse,” said Tom aloofly.
“There, there,” was Tom’s pat answer.
“There’s a high charge for supporters traveling by coach,” said Tom with considerable fanfare.
“There’s no need for silence.
“There’s room for one more,” Tome admitted.
“There’s the dog star,” Tom said seriously.
“These bit patterns will be more readable in groups of 8,” said Tom bitingly.
“These cobs are amazing!” said Tom cornily.
“These propulsion systems were used by NASA on moon rockets,” said Tom apologetically.
”They pulled the wool over my eyes,” Tom said sheepishly.
“They shred entire cars here,” said Tom with vehemence.
“They should hang all those guys,” said Tom condescendingly.
“This bird hasn’t got a beak,” said Tom impeccably.
“This blood-sucking insect likes French cheese,” said Tom briefly.
“This boat is leaking,” said Tom balefully.
“This Bud’ for you,” said Tom lightly.
“This custom jacket doesn't fit,” said Tom misbespokenly.
“This dinner is made from young calves,” Tom revealed.
“This food tastes of plutonium,” said Tom glowingly.
“This game is foul,” Tom groused.
“This is all from memory,” Tom wrote.
“This is my favourite Chinese soup,” Tom said wantonly.
“This is mutiny!” said Tom bountifully.
“This is the most common language used on micros,” said Tom basically.
“This is the real male goose,” said Tom producing the propaganda.
“This is where I keep my arrows,” said Tom quiveringly.
“This lime soda is even better,” said Tom spritefully.
“This movie will be very popular,” Tom projected.
“This must be an aerobics class,” Tom worked out.
“This oar is broken,” said Tom robustly.
“This salad dressing has too much vinegar,” said Tom acidly.
“This salmon is excellent,” said Tom superficially.
“This tooth extraction could take forever,” said Tom with infinite wisdom.
“Those ants will never get in here,” Tom said defiantly.
“Those gloves are like stones,” said Tom heavy-handedly.

“Unto thee,” Jesus said verily.
“Use your own toothbrush!” Tom bristled.

“Venus de Milo is a beautiful statue,” Tom said disarmingly.

“Wanna buy a halibut?” Tom asked selfishly.
“Watch this insect sail through the air,” said Tom flippantly.
“Way too many pickets,” said Tom indefensibly.
“We ate all the waffle and pancake leftovers,” said Tom serreptitiously
“We can’t have this and eat it too,” said Tom archaically.
“We circled the block,” said Tom forthrightly.
“We could fry chicken all night,” said Tom indefatigably.
“We have no oranges,” Tom said fruitlessly.
“We have the entire set of maps,” said Tom with relief.
“We mailed you some mulch,” Tom wrote posthumously.
“We partied in the Greek Isles,” said Tom indiscreetly.
“We played records instead of live music,” said Tom disconcertingly.
“We were stuck in traffic,” said Tom ruefully.
“We’ll need a higher price at auction,” Tom said morbidly.
“Welcome to Grant’s Tomb,” Tom said cryptically.
“We’re off to Scotland,” said Tom clandestinely.
“What a grand dam,” Tom said coolly.
“What are these berries?” Tom rasped.
“What comes before cocious?” Tom asked precociously.
“What’s a wide-angle lens?” asked Tom obtusely.
“What’s in the middle of an egg?” Tom asked eccentrically.
“What’s the capital of North Vietnam?” Tom asked annoyingly.
“What’s the reddish stuff on the cannon?” Tom asked rusticly.
“What’s the value of a dollar bill?” asked Tom noteworthily.
“Whenever I put on my scuba gear, I get pins and needles,” said Tom divertingly.
“Where can I find a copper figure of Lincoln?” Tom asked innocently.
“Where shall I plant these water lilies?” Tom pondered.
“Where’s the Viagra?” Tom asked pointlessly.
“Who commanded the confederate army?” Tom asked generally.
“Who discovered radium?” asked Tom curiously.
“Who is married to the queen?” Tom asked achingly.
“Who is the Vice President?” Tom asked allegorically.
“Who roomed with MaryAnn on Gilligan’s Island?” Tom asked gingerly.
“Who was Pope before John Paul I?” Tom asked piously.
“Who’s your favourite operatic tenor?” Tom asked placidly.
“Why do you want me to act like Gilda Radner’s husband?” Tom asked  bewilderingly.
“Why is this telephone flex always tangled?” asked Tom coyly.
“Why not walk the dog,” asked Tom with some restraint.
“Why shouldn’t I stir my coffee with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.
“Would anyone like some Parmesan?” asked Tom gratingly.
“Would you like some soda?” asked Tom caustically.
“Would you like to buy some cod?” asked Tom selfishly.

“Yes, I’m amazingly strongly built,” said Tom soberly.
“You can’t go faster than the speed of sound,” Tom said mockingly.
“You could put your eye out with that thing,” said Tom humourlessly.
“You don’t see the point, do you?” asked Tom, stabbing in the dark.
“You have the right to remain silent,” said Tom arrestingly.
“You look like a goat,” Tom kidded.
“You must be my host,” Tom guessed.
“You must have a lottery in Georgia,” Tom said zealously.
“You resemble a goat,” said Tom satirically.
“You won the bronze,” said Tom meddlingly.
“Your calculus is much better than mine,” said Tom deferentially.
“Your fly is undone,” was Tom’s zippy rejoinder.
“Your Honour, you’re crazy!” said Tom judgmentally.
“You’re burning the candle at both ends,” Tom said wickedly.
“Your boat is leaking,” Tom said balefully.
“Your trousers have come apart!” was Tom’s unseemly comment.
“You’ve got to be egging me on,” yolked Tom.

“Zo, what do you have for zale,” asked Tom zealously.

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