Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!
Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.
Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.
How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.
So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.
Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and
Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.
Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
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08-Dec-2019 |