Acceptable Doctors Sign

Finding a good Doctor’s practice


Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!

Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.

Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.

How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.

So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.

Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.

Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”


QuotaBills
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Anatomical: Joe-ks about the body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Markus Herz

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription. - Val Saintsbury

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

Lake: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen

A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody. - Thomas Paine

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope

The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros


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First Proctologist Exam
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20-Sep-2021