Acceptable Doctors Sign

Finding a good Doctor’s practice


Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!

Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.

Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.

How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.

So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.

Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.

Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”


QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris

The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

Tanorexia: An obsessive desire to have tanned skin, placing the sufferer at risk of skin cancer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall

Enoki mushrooms, a tasty variety commonly sold in grocery stores, were one of the first mushrooms studied for preventing cancer. - Paul Stamets

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury

There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


see also   Doctor  &  Signs  Sections
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Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Did Philip Fart?
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
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20-Jan-2022