Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go! I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb Life is pharmaceutical from head to cuticle. - David McCord Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson When the problem is worry, the prescription is prayer. - David Jeremiah The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman Enoki mushrooms, a tasty variety commonly sold in grocery stores, were one of the first mushrooms studied for preventing cancer. - Paul Stamets I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown see also Doctor & Signs Sections Colon Celery Colorectal Exam For Dogs Colorectal Surgeon Praise Constipated Mathematician Did Philip Fart? Dog Proctologist Fart Facts First Proctologist Exam Gas Passer - Downwind Protocol German Flatulence Control Japanese Diving Platform Menopause Sucks Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer - Real Men of Genius One Wee Scottish Farty Proctologist Call Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice Singing Gynecologist The Common Fart |
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