Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!
Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.
Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.
How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.
So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.
Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and
Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.
Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns
Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription. - Val Saintsbury
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley
I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen
Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns
Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription. - Val Saintsbury
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley
I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen
Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
see also Doctor & Signs Sections
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Did Philip Fart?
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
Gas Passer - Downwind Protocol
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Menopause Sucks
Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer - Real Men of Genius
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
The Common Fart
 Divorce Defined |  Paint Ladder |  Spanish Restrooms |  First Computer Cursor |  Arsenic Wafers |
 Car Surgeon |  Rust-ic Truck |  Aisle Cleanup |  Camouflage Garage |  World's First Laser Pointer |
 Patio Losers |  Tetris Cake |  Tower of Hammocks |  Dead Batteries |  Cheers! |
 Roger That |  What Day Is It? |  Blinker Fluid |  Temple Car |  Family Birthday Reminder |
13-Aug-2020 |