Two Doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the Doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” No go!
Next they tried: “Catatonics and High Colonics.” Thumbs down again.
Then came: “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good.
How about: “Minds and Behinds.” Unacceptable again.
So they tried: “Lost Souls and Ass Holes.” Still no go.
Nor did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Nuts and
Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.
Almost at their wits end, the Doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”
“APPROVED”
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
Life is pharmaceutical from head to cuticle. - David McCord
Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
When the problem is worry, the prescription is prayer. - David Jeremiah
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry
Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Enoki mushrooms, a tasty variety commonly sold in grocery stores, were one of the first mushrooms studied for preventing cancer. - Paul Stamets
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
Life is pharmaceutical from head to cuticle. - David McCord
Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
When the problem is worry, the prescription is prayer. - David Jeremiah
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry
Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Enoki mushrooms, a tasty variety commonly sold in grocery stores, were one of the first mushrooms studied for preventing cancer. - Paul Stamets
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
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22-Jan-2021 |