An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
“Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”
“Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.”
“That’s fine. Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. That’s cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!”
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
“Well, dear, what exactly did he say?”
“He said the reflector is broken.”
“I can fix that in two minutes. What else?”
“I’m not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake...”
Horse ovaries (hors d'oeuvres) - Archie Bunker
Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run. - Unknown
Use a little of your horse's sense. - Archie Bunker
Lend a horse, and you may have back his skin. - English Proverb
Few girls are as well shaped as a good horse. - Christopher Morley
A unicorn is just a horse with a point of view. - Ron Sexsmith
The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing. - Jean Cocteau
The old horse in the stable still yearns to run. - Mongolian Proverb
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx
This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh
You don't have to have been a horse to be a jockey. - Arigo Saachi
A rabbit's foot is a poor substitute for horse sense. - Unknown
Life is like a horse - either you ride it or it rides you. - Unknown
Horse Manure: 50p per pre-packed bag. 20p - do it your self. - Unknown
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him float. - Unknown
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb
The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is betting on one. - Relient K
At Motel 6 in Amish Country, I wonder if they leave the light on for you? - Jay London
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. - WC Fields
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse. - Archie Bunker
To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle. - Bob Varsha
Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live. - Henny Youngman
You've got to concentrate on one idea. You can't ride a horse with two asses. - Joe Segal
Half of the failures in life come from pulling one’s horse when he is leaping. - Thomas Hood
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen
Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. - Jimmy Fallon
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
A definite purpose, like blinders on a horse, inevitably narrows its possessor's point of view. - Robert Frost
When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk
My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown
Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev
Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson
Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. - Dale Carnegie
A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson
Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go, 'You know, I'm not as hungry as I thought I was'? - Tim Vinel
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin
Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run. - Unknown
Use a little of your horse's sense. - Archie Bunker
Lend a horse, and you may have back his skin. - English Proverb
Few girls are as well shaped as a good horse. - Christopher Morley
A unicorn is just a horse with a point of view. - Ron Sexsmith
The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing. - Jean Cocteau
The old horse in the stable still yearns to run. - Mongolian Proverb
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx
This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh
You don't have to have been a horse to be a jockey. - Arigo Saachi
A rabbit's foot is a poor substitute for horse sense. - Unknown
Life is like a horse - either you ride it or it rides you. - Unknown
Horse Manure: 50p per pre-packed bag. 20p - do it your self. - Unknown
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him float. - Unknown
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb
The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is betting on one. - Relient K
At Motel 6 in Amish Country, I wonder if they leave the light on for you? - Jay London
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. - WC Fields
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse. - Archie Bunker
To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle. - Bob Varsha
Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live. - Henny Youngman
You've got to concentrate on one idea. You can't ride a horse with two asses. - Joe Segal
Half of the failures in life come from pulling one’s horse when he is leaping. - Thomas Hood
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen
Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. - Jimmy Fallon
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
A definite purpose, like blinders on a horse, inevitably narrows its possessor's point of view. - Robert Frost
When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk
My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown
Democracy is very different in U.S. and A. from Kazakhstan. In America, woman can vote, but horse cannot! - Borat Sagdiyev
Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson
Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. - Dale Carnegie
A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson
Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go, 'You know, I'm not as hungry as I thought I was'? - Tim Vinel
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin
see also Amish, Horse & Mechanic Sections
Amish 3 Horsepower Country Camper
Amish Airlines – Maiden Voyage
Amish Elevator View
Amish Friends
Amish Man’s Occupation
Amish Prom Limo
Amish Smart Car
Fire Truck Parts
 Education Standstill |  Pool Cleaner |  Stool There |  Soldier Tribute |  It Was That Close |
 Messy Temper Tantrum |  Big Tame Hunter |  Exactly Enough Space |  Coca Cola Twins |  Sidetracked Baby |
 Breakthrough Blessings |  Pauper's Graveside Service |  Are You Ready? |  Pulling The Wool Over Your Eyes |  Girlfriends |
 How To Weigh Yourself Correctly |  Bungee Cord Suspenders |  Clogged Drain |  Lum-Purr-Jack |  Cookie King |
25-May-2020 |