Caress Her

Taking care of business


A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

“Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

“Actually, no,” the man replies.

“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathes the bartender. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

“What should I tell him?” the bartender manages to say.

“Tell him,” she whispers, “There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.”


QuotaBills
Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Ya don't have to soft soap me. - Archie Bunker

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Igloo: 1. An icicle built for two; 2. An Alaskan toilet. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

Washable: What a cowboy does, very carefully, with soap and water - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. - Bill Cosby

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera. - Unknown

I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge. - Jerry Seinfeld

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


see also   Bartender  &  Relationship  Sections
Annoying Little Bars Of Soap
BARF Detergent
BassTurd
Bathroom Thigns
Big John
Bounce
Bucket Bath
Cowboy Bubble Bath
Crack In Tower Of Pisa
Dog Wallpaper
Fairy Soap
Free Gas
Hand Soap
How To Shower - For Women and Men
Introvert Soap
Kid Disposal
Maybe My Job Is Not So Bad After All
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Redneck Doork
Redneck Shower Head
Reducing Soap
Roo Paper
Shampoo Warning
Stuck
Tear-Paper Wall
Today’s Bathroom Reader
ToileTree
TP Kid
Wash Away Sins
Washing Clothes Recipe
When You Gotta Go

 

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30-Nov-2020