Cat Physics
Laws of cat obedience

1. Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

2. Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

3. Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4. Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.

5. Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

6. Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

7. Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8. Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant speed, until he gets good and ready to stop.

9. Law of Dinner Table Attendance: Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

10. Law of Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

11. Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat’s resistance varies in inverse proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.

12. First Law of Energy Conservation: Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will therefore use as little energy as possible.

13. Second Law of Energy Conservation: Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

14. Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

15. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

16. Law of Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

17. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

18. Law of Cat Embarrassment: A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

19. Law of Milk Consumption: A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

20. Law of Furniture Replacement: A cats desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

21. Law of Cat Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

22. Law of Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

23. Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest her.

24. Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

25. Law of Cat Composition: A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.

26. Law of Selective Listening: Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can’t hear a simple command three feet away.

27. Law of Equidistant Separation: All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.

28. Law of Cat Invisibility: Cats think that if they can’t see you, then you can’t see them.

29. Law of Space-Time Continuum: Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.

30. Law of Concentration of Mass: A cat’s mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.

31. Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle): It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she “might” be.

32. Law of Cat Obedience: As yet undiscovered.

see also   Cat  Section


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