Constipated Mathematician

Math tip for Bathroom Readers


Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.



QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Everything is physics and math. - Katherine Johnson

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

Dear Math: I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems. - Unknown

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Mathematics is the cheapest science. All one needs for mathematics is a pencil and a paper. - George Polya

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who are good at math, and those who aren't. - Unknown

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead. - Robert Brault

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Understand the key factors in the math behind viral marketing, and use those to figure out what it takes to get viral growth. - David Skok

One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon


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25-Jan-2020