Constipated Mathematician

Math tip for Bathroom Readers


Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.



QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

I am an expert in Higher Level Math: You + God = Enough - Zig Ziglar

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton

The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Understand the key factors in the math behind viral marketing, and use those to figure out what it takes to get viral growth. - David Skok

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman


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25-Oct-2020