Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.
Asphalt: Rectum trouble. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Pencil: A tiny tree used to draw a line in the sand - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody. - Thomas Paine
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower
I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood
Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Pencil: A tiny tree used to draw a line in the sand - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody. - Thomas Paine
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower
I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood
Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
see also Bathroom, Bad Gas, College & School Sections
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Proctologist Call
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06-Jul-2022 |