Constipated Mathematician

Math tip for Bathroom Readers


Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.



QuotaBills
Asphalt: Rectum trouble. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Pencil: A tiny tree used to draw a line in the sand - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar

My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley

Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody. - Thomas Paine

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury

There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler


see also   Bathroom,  Bad Gas,  College  &  School  Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Himilayan Cure for Constipation
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist

 

Camouflage Face

Crab Bridge

Illusive Animal Kingdom

Off The Wall Biker

Buffalo Art

TitanoBoa

Secret Graduation Gift

Fish Fingers

I'll Be Right There

Redneck Sandals

Down Under Statue

Ventriloquist Isolation

Dr. Hedgehog

Flower Frame Heels

PEI Weather

Frankfurt Subway Entrance

Shopping With Your Husband

Where is Waldo?

Costco Beach Towel

Handwritting
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

06-Jul-2022