Constipated Mathematician

Math tip for Bathroom Readers


Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.



QuotaBills
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Math is like love - a simple idea but it can get complicated. - R. Drabek

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart

Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso


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16-Jan-2021