Constipated Mathematician

Math tip for Bathroom Readers


Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.



QuotaBills
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Deliver: An organ in de body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker

You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott

People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris

Math, it's a puzzle to me. I love figuring out puzzles. - Maya Lin

Math is like love - a simple idea but it can get complicated. - R. Drabek

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson

Lake: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley

Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who are good at math, and those who aren't. - Unknown

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. - Garrison Keillor

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain

Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown


see also   Bathroom,  Bad Gas,  College  &  School  Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Himilayan Cure for Constipation
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist

 

German Efficiency

Star Wars Episode VIII

2022 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Scottish Variant

European Men - History Timeline

Octopus Pasta

Mona Lisa - Behind The Scenes

Diet Utensils

Loafers

Mechanics Gone Wrong - Car Teeter Totter

Tongue TwistHer

Dumped Truck

Taxidermy Ride

Wagon Races

Underwater Photography

Holland Bike Lane - For Pros Only

Shopping Wait-er

Heading To The Branch Office

Raise Twins

Redneck Baby Stroller
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

28-Jan-2022