A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, “Got any gwapes?
“Nope, sorry,” says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.
The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, “Got any gwapes?”
“I already told you, no, I don’t!” says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.
The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, “Got any gwapes?”
“No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”
The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. “Got any nails?” the duck asks.
“No, why?” the bartender asks.
“Got any gwapes?”
When in doubt, duck. - Malcolm Forbes
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed
Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown
That one kind of grapes on my nerves. - Archie Bunker
Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown
I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn
Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson
You know, I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters. - Groucho Marx
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II
Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields
One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber
The sweetest grapes are picked from the vineyard of friendship. - French Proverb
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin
Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb
One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. - G.M. Weilacher
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson
I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins
The vine bears three kinds of grapes: the first of pleasure, the second of intoxication, the third of disgust. - Diogenes
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid
We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen
It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie
I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life. - Groucho Marx
If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed
Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown
That one kind of grapes on my nerves. - Archie Bunker
Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown
I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn
Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson
You know, I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters. - Groucho Marx
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II
Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields
One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber
The sweetest grapes are picked from the vineyard of friendship. - French Proverb
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin
Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb
One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. - G.M. Weilacher
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson
I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins
The vine bears three kinds of grapes: the first of pleasure, the second of intoxication, the third of disgust. - Diogenes
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid
We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen
It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie
I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life. - Groucho Marx
If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster
see also Bartender Section
Grapeless
Apples and Wine - Picked or Stomped?
Aussie Wine Glass
Cheap Wine Market
Costco Wine
French Red Wine
Fruit Salad Dinner
Glass Prescription
Hammock Wine
Heavy Drinking
If Alcohol Talked
Insect Wine Glass
Jim’s Happy Hour
Men Are Like Fine Wine
Navajo Wine
New Wine For Seniors
Red Wine Diet
Redneck Wine Glass
Redneck Wine Dispenser
Redneck Wine Holder
Texas Wine Glass
Walmart’s Redneck Wine
Wine Aerobics
Wine Day
Wine Flowchart
Wine Glass Chair
Wine Glass Lanyard
Wine Pairing in the Stone Age
Wine Secret
Wine Signs
Wine Socks
Wine Therapy
Wine Time
Wine Time Finally
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02-Jun-2020 |