A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, “Got any gwapes?
“Nope, sorry,” says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.
The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, “Got any gwapes?”
“I already told you, no, I don’t!” says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.
The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, “Got any gwapes?”
“No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”
The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. “Got any nails?” the duck asks.
“No, why?” the bartender asks.
“Got any gwapes?”
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown
Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain
A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown
One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson
I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump
My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown
Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson
Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate. - Margaret Atwood
The vine bears three kinds of grapes: the first of pleasure, the second of intoxication, the third of disgust. - Diogenes
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie
Be like a duck, paddling and working very hard inside the water, but what everyone sees is a smiling and calm face. - Manoj Arora
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen
You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott
I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke
Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown
When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown
Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain
A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown
One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson
I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump
My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown
Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana
An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown
I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. - Joan Collins
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson
Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate. - Margaret Atwood
The vine bears three kinds of grapes: the first of pleasure, the second of intoxication, the third of disgust. - Diogenes
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie
Be like a duck, paddling and working very hard inside the water, but what everyone sees is a smiling and calm face. - Manoj Arora
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen
You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott
I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke
Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown
When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway
see also Bartender Section
Grapeless
Apples and Wine - Picked or Stomped?
Aussie Wine Glass
Cheap Wine Market
Costco Wine
French Red Wine
Fruit Salad Dinner
Glass Prescription
Hammock Wine
Heavy Drinking
If Alcohol Talked
Insect Wine Glass
Jim’s Happy Hour
Men Are Like Fine Wine
Navajo Wine
New Wine For Seniors
Red Wine Diet
Redneck Wine Glass
Redneck Wine Dispenser
Redneck Wine Holder
Texas Wine Glass
Walmart’s Redneck Wine
Wine Aerobics
Wine Day
Wine Flowchart
Wine Glass Chair
Wine Glass Lanyard
Wine Pairing in the Stone Age
Wine Secret
Wine Signs
Wine Socks
Wine Therapy
Wine Time
Wine Time Finally
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