A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, “Got any gwapes?
“Nope, sorry,” says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.
The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, “Got any gwapes?”
“I already told you, no, I don’t!” says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.
The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, “Got any gwapes?”
“No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”
The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. “Got any nails?” the duck asks.
“No, why?” the bartender asks.
“Got any gwapes?”
Goose Pimples: Duck acne - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton
When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman
I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown
What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields
The sweetest grapes are picked from the vineyard of friendship. - French Proverb
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin
Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb
One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson
Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. - G.M. Weilacher
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy
I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.
They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson
If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown
I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg
There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown
The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton
When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood
Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
Beer: The method of turning grain into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker
Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman
I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown
What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields
The sweetest grapes are picked from the vineyard of friendship. - French Proverb
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II
We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin
Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb
One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson
Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. - G.M. Weilacher
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. - Rose Kennedy
I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.
They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson
If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown
I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg
There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown
The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison
see also Bartender Section
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Heavy Drinking
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30-Jun-2022 |