Got Any Gwapes?

Ask the bartender just one more time


A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, “Got any gwapes?

“Nope, sorry,” says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.

The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, “Got any gwapes?”

“I already told you, no, I don’t!” says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.

The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, “Got any gwapes?”

“No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”

The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. “Got any nails?” the duck asks.

“No, why?” the bartender asks.

“Got any gwapes?”


QuotaBills
When in doubt, duck. - Malcolm Forbes

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

You know, I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters. - Groucho Marx

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite

The sweetest grapes are picked from the vineyard of friendship. - French Proverb

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duck tape to make them stop. - G.M. Weilacher

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate. - Margaret Atwood

If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life. - Groucho Marx

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


see also   Bartender  Section
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06-Apr-2020