A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, “Got any gwapes?
“Nope, sorry,” says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.
The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, “Got any gwapes?”
“I already told you, no, I don’t!” says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.
The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, “Got any gwapes?”
“No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”
The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. “Got any nails?” the duck asks.
“No, why?” the bartender asks.
“Got any gwapes?”
Good wine needs no vine. - French Proverb
Goose Pimples: Duck acne - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Quake: Fearful duck call - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson
Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton
That one kind of grapes on my nerves. - Archie Bunker
Cranberries: Grapes with hypertension - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn
We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning
Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
You know, I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters. - Groucho Marx
Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite
One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber
God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin
Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb
If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown
Some wines improve with age, but only if the grapes were good in the first place. - Abigail Van Buren
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson
Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate. - Margaret Atwood
Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor
If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster
Goose Pimples: Duck acne - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Quake: Fearful duck call - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson
Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton
That one kind of grapes on my nerves. - Archie Bunker
Cranberries: Grapes with hypertension - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn
We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown
Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning
Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis. - Humphrey Bogart
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
Bladder: The human apparatus that pays the tax on beer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
You know, I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters. - Groucho Marx
Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite
One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber
God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson
To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra
You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin
Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb
If one glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do! - Unknown
Some wines improve with age, but only if the grapes were good in the first place. - Abigail Van Buren
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson
Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate. - Margaret Atwood
Milk is the drink of babies, tea the drink of women, water the drink of beasts, and wine is the drink of the gods. - John S Blackie
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin
A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor
If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster
see also Bartender Section
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24-Oct-2021 |