Got Any Gwapes?

Ask the bartender just one more time


A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, “Got any gwapes?

“Nope, sorry,” says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.

The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, “Got any gwapes?”

“I already told you, no, I don’t!” says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.

The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, “Got any gwapes?”

“No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”

The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. “Got any nails?” the duck asks.

“No, why?” the bartender asks.

“Got any gwapes?”


QuotaBills
When in doubt, duck. - Malcolm Forbes

Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown

Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare

Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber

A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson

Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson

Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate. - Margaret Atwood

The vine bears three kinds of grapes: the first of pleasure, the second of intoxication, the third of disgust. - Diogenes

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


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11-Apr-2021