A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, “Got any gwapes?
“Nope, sorry,” says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.
The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, “Got any gwapes?”
“I already told you, no, I don’t!” says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.
The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, “Got any gwapes?”
“No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!”
The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. “Got any nails?” the duck asks.
“No, why?” the bartender asks.
“Got any gwapes?”
When in doubt, duck. - Malcolm Forbes
Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown
You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas
We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare
Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields
One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber
A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur
He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb
Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson
Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson
Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate. - Margaret Atwood
The vine bears three kinds of grapes: the first of pleasure, the second of intoxication, the third of disgust. - Diogenes
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg
Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor
If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster
Save water - drink vodka. - Unknown
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King
Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash
Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown
You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker
When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller
Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas
We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare
Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II
I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields
One martini is all right, two is too many, three is not enough. - James Thurber
A meal of bread, cheese, and beer constitutes the perfect food. - Queen Elizabeth I
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world. - Louis Pasteur
He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb
Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others. - Samuel Johnson
Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. - WC Fields
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S Thompson
Wanting to meet a writer because you like their books is like wanting to meet a duck because you like pate. - Margaret Atwood
The vine bears three kinds of grapes: the first of pleasure, the second of intoxication, the third of disgust. - Diogenes
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
I walk like a duck: very straight up and down. Or like a penguin. It's a dead giveaway that I'm a dancer. - David Hallberg
Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry
A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown
Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor
If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster
see also Bartender Section
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Aussie Wine Glass
Cheap Wine Market
Costco Wine
French Red Wine
Fruit Salad Dinner
Glass Prescription
Hammock Wine
Heavy Drinking
If Alcohol Talked
Insect Wine Glass
Jim’s Happy Hour
Men Are Like Fine Wine
Navajo Wine
New Wine For Seniors
Red Wine Diet
Redneck Wine Glass
Redneck Wine Dispenser
Redneck Wine Holder
Texas Wine Glass
Walmart’s Redneck Wine
Wine Aerobics
Wine Day
Wine Flowchart
Wine Glass Chair
Wine Glass Lanyard
Wine Pairing in the Stone Age
Wine Secret
Wine Signs
Wine Socks
Wine Therapy
Wine Time
Wine Time Finally
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11-Apr-2021 |