A young clerk’s responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.
None of the judge’s yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk’s pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.
The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.
The judge couldn’t resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.
“Oh, there’s not much to it,” admitted the clerk happily, “I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office.”
Whenever law ends, tyranny begins. - John Locke
Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
The good of the people is the chief law. - Cicero
In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler
Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance. - Unknown
I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx
Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker
The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. - John Van Druten
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown
What a cage is to the wild beast, law is to the selfish man. - Herbert Spencer
You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln
Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler
Without my morning coffee, I'm just like a dried-up piece of goat. - J.S. Bach
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes
You haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running. - Unknown
The law was made for one thing alone - for the exploitation of those who don't understand it. - Bertoit Brecht
Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein. - Guindon
Put least trust in him who is foremost to praise you,
Nor judge of a road till it draw to the end. - John B O'Reilly
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey
No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger
When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin
If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
The good of the people is the chief law. - Cicero
In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler
Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance. - Unknown
I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx
Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker
The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume. - John Van Druten
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown
What a cage is to the wild beast, law is to the selfish man. - Herbert Spencer
You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln
Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler
Without my morning coffee, I'm just like a dried-up piece of goat. - J.S. Bach
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes
You haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running. - Unknown
The law was made for one thing alone - for the exploitation of those who don't understand it. - Bertoit Brecht
Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein. - Guindon
Put least trust in him who is foremost to praise you,
Nor judge of a road till it draw to the end. - John B O'Reilly
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey
No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger
When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin
If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
see also Coffee & Judge Sections
Justice Is Blind
Legal Assistance For All
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