It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers
Old age comes at a bad time. - Sue Banducci
To stop aging, keep on raging. - Michael Forbes
Cherish youth, but trust old age. - Pueblo Proverb
It's never too late for chocolate. - Unknown
I'm a woman who wants her chocolate. - Jessica Simpson
I hope your only rocky road is chocolate. - Amanda Mosher
Old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Bernard Baruch
Coffee,chocolate, men. The richer the better! - Unknown
Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown
We have chocolate in common - that's enough. - Rachel Hollis
When no one understands you, chocolate is there. - Daniel Worona
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Sometimes a girl's gotta have some chocolate. - Carrie Underwood
I'd give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter. - Unknown
To me, chocolate was the sole reason we on this earth. - Esi Edugyan
I know I can't cheat death, but I can cheat old age. - Darwin Deason
If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. - Jane Seabrook
Fourty is the old age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo
Never have I enjoyed youth so thoroughly as I have in my old age. - George Santayana
Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man. - Leon Trotsky
Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. - Unknown
Old age at least gives me an excuse for not being very good at things. - Thomas Sowell
There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. - Linda Grayson
Chocolate makes otherwise normal people melt into strange states of ecstasy. - John West
A nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me. - Audrey Hepburn
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
Advanced old age is when you sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. - Eliakim Katz
Youth is the time of getting, middle age of improving, and old age of spending. - Anne Bradstreet
Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke
To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent - that is to triumph over old age. - Thomas Bailey Aldrich
When it comes to old age we're all in the same boat, only some of us have been aboard a little longer. - Leo Probst
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns
You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain
One should never make one's debut in a scandal. One should reserve that to give interest to one's old age. - Oscar Wilde
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
Whenever I have a spare second, I'm in the kitchen whipping up a batch of cookies. I make a mean batch of chocolate chippers. - Karlie Kloss
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it. - Robert Heinlein
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?
Pike Mouth Nest
Improvise, Adapt, Overcome
Never Go Full Retard
Dinner Preparation: Here's looking at you!
Same Mistake Twice
How To Build A Fence
Social Distancing Fine
A Balanced Diet