It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers
Old age is life's parody. - Simone de Beauvoir
Old age is the verdict of life. - Amelia E Barr
Old age is no place for sissies. - Bette Davis
I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown
I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu
I owe it all to little chocolate doughnuts. - John Belushi
I am a chocolatarian. I only eat chocolate. - Unknown
Seven days without chocolate makes one weak. - Unknown
Coffee,chocolate, men. The richer the better! - Unknown
Caramels are a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing. - Milton Hershey
I'd give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter. - Unknown
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
I know I can't cheat death, but I can cheat old age. - Darwin Deason
It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst
Never have I enjoyed youth so thoroughly as I have in my old age. - George Santayana
Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. - Unknown
Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine
Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill
Some say women are addicted to chocolate. I say we're merely loyal. - Cathy Guisewite
Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison
Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown
A nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me. - Audrey Hepburn
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
Some people are chocolate and sweets people. I love French fried. That and caviar. - Cameron Diaz
More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it. - Unknown
Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
Dreams are excursions into the limbo of things, a semi-deliverance from the human prison. - Henri Amiel
My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown
My comfort is, that old age, that ill layer-up of beauty, can do no more spoil upon my face. - William Shakespeare
Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth. - W Somerset Maugham
The elderly don't drive that badly; they're just the only ones with time to do the speed limit. - Jason Love
When it comes to old age we're all in the same boat, only some of us have been aboard a little longer. - Leo Probst
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
May you keep dreaming until the day you die. May imagination overtake memory. May you die young at a ripe old age. - Mark Batterson
A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben
Not one of them who took up in his youth with his opinion that there are no gods ever continued until old age faithful to his conviction. - Plato
I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Olympic Torch Bearers
Alligators vs. Crocodiles
Cure for Internet Addiction
Duck That Did Not Duck
Chewie, We're Home
Introducing the iPhone 20