It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate never faileth. - Annette Lyon
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers
Old age is life's parody. - Simone de Beauvoir
To stop aging, keep on raging. - Michael Forbes
Old age is the verdict of life. - Amelia E Barr
Old age is no place for sissies. - Bette Davis
I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu
It's never too late for chocolate. - Unknown
Books and chocolate make life bearable. - Unknown
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown
Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! - Unknown
I've never met a chocolate I didn't like. - Unknown
Chocolate: God's apology to women for periods. - Unknown
In the cookie of life, friends are chocolate chips. - Salman Rushdie
I'd give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter. - Unknown
If youth had but the knowledge and old age the strength. - French Proverb
Coffee and chocolate - the inventor of mocha should be sainted. - Cherise Sinclair
Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man. - Leon Trotsky
Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. - Unknown
The Sputnik is just to me like a firework, a rocket, a new invention. - Malcolm Muggeridge
Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine
I only eat chocolate for you... so there'll be more of me to love! - Unknown
Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
Sure I'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day. - Lillian Carter
We look forward to a disorderly, vigorous, unhonored and disreputable old age. - Don Marquis
Old age takes away what we've inherited and gives us what we've earned. - Gerald Brenan
Some people are chocolate and sweets people. I love French fried. That and caviar. - Cameron Diaz
More people would live to a ripe old age if they weren't too busy providing for it. - Unknown
Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a plant. Therefore, chocolate counts as salad. The End. - Unknown
Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth. - W Somerset Maugham
Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke
Reading a good book in silence is like eating chocolate for the rest of your life and never getting fat. - Becca Fitzpatrick
Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns
In old age we are like a batch of letters that someone has sent. We are no longer in the post, we have arrived. - Knut Hamsun
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Chocolate Cake - Unknown
I'm pretty sure that eating chocolate keeps wrinkles away because I have never seen a 10 year old with a Hershey bar and crows feet. - Amy Neftzger
I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Hide and Seek
Going Around In Circles
Hydro Water Power
Tons Of Anarchy
Da Hood Shirt
What Do You See? - Part III
Get Along Shirt
Bruce Lee Coffee
Carving The Turkey
Don't Break The Window