Once Is Never Enough

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.

Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.

Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.

The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”

“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”

QuotaBills
The name Pavlov rings a bell. - Unknown

Let's make hay while it lasts. - James Lovelock

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

The thicker the hay, the easier it is mowed. - Alaric the Goth

I take my vacation on the combine and tractor. - Jon Tester

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. - Unknown

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo

We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road. - Archie Bunker

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, and you will pay only the station-to-station rate. - Unknown

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? - Seymour Cray

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

This momentous question, like a fire bell in the night, awakened and filled me with terror. - Thomas Jefferson

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown

I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore

If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

He who learns the rules of wisdom without conforming to them in his life is like a man who plows in his field but does not sow. - Saadi

When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. - Edmund Burke

I dream of the realization of the unity of Africa, whereby its leaders combine in their efforts to solve the problems of this continent. - Nelson Mandela

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt

see also Farm Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen

Once Is Never Enough

Secret to servicing hens

13-Dec-2019