Once Is Never Enough

Secret to servicing hens


A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.

Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.

Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.

The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”

“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”


QuotaBills
Organic Farm: Tilling like it is - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Farmers are the salt of the earth. - Unknown

Deviled Eggs: What wicked chickens lay - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken. - Colonel Sanders

Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb

The thicker the hay, the easier it is mowed. - Alaric the Goth

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. - Unknown

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. - It's a Wonderful Life

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. - Aesop

Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell. - Shana Alexander

There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes. - David Coleman

Eating and reading are two pleasures that combine admirably. - C S Lewis

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

This momentous question, like a fire bell in the night, awakened and filled me with terror. - Thomas Jefferson

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs and ham breakfast: the chicken was involved, the pig was committed. - Unknown

Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt


see also   Farm  Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen

 

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Nun Chairs - Great Looking Legs

Organ Donor

Moldy Bible

Gyprock Prayer

Barn Art

Submarine Tea

NAACP Cover Up

Quad Shot

Princess Parking

Restaurant Wait-er

How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?

Butterfly Lens

Pike Mouth Nest

Improvise, Adapt, Overcome

Flower Lips

Bird Walker

Never Go Full Retard

Multi-Pilot Jet

Teethbrushes
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31-May-2020