Once Is Never Enough

Secret to servicing hens


A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.

Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.

Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.

The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”

“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”


QuotaBills
The name Pavlov rings a bell. - Unknown

Farmers are the salt of the earth. - Unknown

Let's make hay while it lasts. - James Lovelock

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb

The thicker the hay, the easier it is mowed. - Alaric the Goth

You can't hatch chickens from fried eggs. - German Proverb

I take my vacation on the combine and tractor. - Jon Tester

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. - Unknown

Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell. - Shana Alexander

There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes. - David Coleman

No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown

Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx

The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland

I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. - Edmund Burke

A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing. - Muhammad Ali

It's life, isn't it? You plow ahead and make a hit. And you plow on and someone passes you. Then someone passes them. Time levels. - Katharine Hepburn

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell


see also   Farm  Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen

 

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24-Feb-2020