A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”
So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a
little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.
Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.
Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.
The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”
“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”
Farmers are the salt of the earth. - Unknown
Let's make hay while it lasts. - James Lovelock
Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker
Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb
The thicker the hay, the easier it is mowed. - Alaric the Goth
You can't hatch chickens from fried eggs. - German Proverb
I take my vacation on the combine and tractor. - Jon Tester
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. - Unknown
Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell. - Shana Alexander
There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes. - David Coleman
No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury
Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo
If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal
Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson
It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown
Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill
The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright
Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson
Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown
If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan
Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb
Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme
The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow
My brother thinks he's a chicken.
We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs. - Groucho Marx
The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland
I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore
True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal
If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett
I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker
Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower
I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis
Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot
Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa
When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle. - Edmund Burke
A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing. - Muhammad Ali
It's life, isn't it? You plow ahead and make a hit. And you plow on and someone passes you. Then someone passes them. Time levels. - Katharine Hepburn
What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell
see also Farm Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen
 Dog Diner |  It's Too Cold To Ride Outside |  Ye Olde Simple Simon |  High Tensile Snow |  Target Entry |
 Squirrel Feeder Trap |  2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3) |  Florida Sewer Rat |  Crane Drop |  Special Touch |
 Muscle Control |  Selfie Stuck |  Organic Compromise |  Crab Collection |  Basketball Car |
 Apathy Mountain |  Ready To Leave |  Portable Samurai |  CPU Marshmallows |  Hokey Pokey Clinic |
24-Feb-2020 |