Once Is Never Enough

Secret to servicing hens


A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!”

So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. “Randy,” he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff.” And without a word, he strutted into the henhouse.

Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn’t stop there; he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace.

Then he went to the pigpen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, “Stop, Randy, you’ll kill yourself!” But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.

The farmer walked up to Randy saying, “Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you’ve gone and killed yourself. I warned you, little buddy.”

“Shhhhh,” Randy whispered, “The buzzard’s getting closer...”


QuotaBills
Chicken: An egg factory - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The name Pavlov rings a bell. - Unknown

Deviled Eggs: What wicked chickens lay - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. - It's a Wonderful Life

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. - Bob Hope

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. - Aesop

Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell. - Shana Alexander

Eating and reading are two pleasures that combine admirably. - C S Lewis

Corn can't expect justice from a court composed of chickens. - African Proverb

Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg

Farmers: Men successful only if they sell their farms to golf clubs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road. - Archie Bunker

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

Farmers don't just work til the sun goes down; they work til the job gets done. - Unknown

My mother is no spring chicken although she has got as many chemicals in her as one. - Edna Everage

Put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Put blinders on and plow right ahead. - George Lucas

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? - Seymour Cray

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

This momentous question, like a fire bell in the night, awakened and filled me with terror. - Thomas Jefferson

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

In times of great stress or adversity, plow your anger and your energy into something positive. - Lee Iacocca

Life on a farm is a school of patience. You can't hurry the crops or make an ox in two days. - Haneri Liogier

I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore

If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell


see also   Farm  Section
Cat Nap
Chick Incubator
Family Reunion
Flamingo Imposter
Hen Pecked
Mom Lookout
Rooster Retirement
Super Hen

 

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02-Dec-2021