The Stress Diet

Coping with constant stress


This diet is designed to help you cope with constant stress ...

BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast, dry
8 oz skimmed milk

LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

MID AFTERNOON SNACK
rest of the Oreos in the package
2 pints of rocky road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
nuts, cherries, whipped cream

DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 milky way candy bars

LATE EVENING SNACK
Entire frozen cheesecake, eaten directly from freezer

RULES FOR THIS DIET
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories;
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda;
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do;
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as brandy, hot chocolate and Sara Lee cheesecake;
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner;
6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel;
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories - the process of breaking causes calorie leakage;
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are: peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae;
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: Spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color;
10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies and popsicles.




QuotaBills
A good husband is healthy and absent. - Japanese Proverb

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. - Jerry Seinfeld

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy. - Groucho Marx

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable. - Jackie Gleason

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

There is nothing more beautiful in this world than a healthy, wise old man. - Lin Yutang

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

A rich rogue is like a fat hog, who never does good 'til as dead as a log. - Benjamin Franklin

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60. - Jack Nicholson

The two kinds of people on earth are the people who lift and the people who lean. - Unknown

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

Logic is the hygiene the mathematician practices to keep his ideas healthy and strong. - Hermann Weyl

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it. - Paula Poundstone

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

I have noted that the healthy release of emotion is frequently very unhealthy for those closest to you. - Mr Spock

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

In neighborhoods without a usable park or playground, the incidence of childhood obesity increases by 29 percent. - Darell Hammond

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

The first requisite of a good citizen in this republic of ours is that he shall be able and willing to pull his weight. - Theodore Roosevelt

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright


see also   Food  Section
A Balanced Diet
Balanced Diet
Balanced Food Delivery
Balanced Meal
Beauty Bag
Bus Wait Weight
Coffee Spoon
Diet Fork
Diet Hard
Diet Pills
Diet Silverware
Diet Spoon
Diet Utensils
Donut Sale
Gin & Tonic Diet
Important Health Information
Jogger’s Weight Scale
Learn To Cook
Milkshake Diet
My New Diet
Obesity Is OK
Reasons to Stop Dieting
Squeegee Clothing
Texas Diet
Vodka Diet
Weight Watchers Bus

 

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Leaning Bookshelves

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Discrimination

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02-Apr-2020