The Stress Diet

This diet is designed to help you cope with constant stress ... BREAKFAST 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast, dry 8 oz skimmed milk LUNCH 4 oz lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookie MID AFTERNOON SNACK rest of the Oreos in the package 2 pints of rocky road ice cream 1 jar hot fudge sauce nuts, cherries, whipped cream DINNER 2 loaves garlic bread with cheese large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza 3 milky way candy bars LATE EVENING SNACK Entire frozen cheesecake, eaten directly from freezer RULES FOR THIS DIET 1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories; 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda; 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do; 4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as brandy, hot chocolate and Sara Lee cheesecake; 5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner; 6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel; 7. Cookie pieces contain no calories - the process of breaking causes calorie leakage; 8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are: peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae; 9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: Spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color; 10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies and popsicles. QuotaBills A good husband is healthy and absent. - Japanese Proverb My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. - Jerry Seinfeld Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy. - Groucho Marx Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable. - Jackie Gleason Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown There is nothing more beautiful in this world than a healthy, wise old man. - Lin Yutang One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker A rich rogue is like a fat hog, who never does good 'til as dead as a log. - Benjamin Franklin With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60. - Jack Nicholson The two kinds of people on earth are the people who lift and the people who lean. - Unknown People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi Logic is the hygiene the mathematician practices to keep his ideas healthy and strong. - Hermann Weyl "The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it. - Paula Poundstone Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry I have noted that the healthy release of emotion is frequently very unhealthy for those closest to you. - Mr Spock Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner In neighborhoods without a usable park or playground, the incidence of childhood obesity increases by 29 percent. - Darell Hammond Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child The first requisite of a good citizen in this republic of ours is that he shall be able and willing to pull his weight. - Theodore Roosevelt You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright see also   Food  Section A Balanced Diet Balanced Diet Balanced Food Delivery Balanced Meal Beauty Bag Bus Wait Weight Coffee Spoon Diet Fork Diet Hard Diet Pills Diet Silverware Diet Spoon Diet Utensils Donut Sale Gin & Tonic Diet Important Health Information Jogger’s Weight Scale Learn To Cook Milkshake Diet My New Diet Obesity Is OK Reasons to Stop Dieting Squeegee Clothing Texas Diet Vodka Diet Weight Watchers Bus   Just In Thyme Tie Wrap Bumper Mexican Salad Dressing Leaning Bookshelves Shrunk Jeep Quarantine Garden Casualty Way Painfull Skydive You Are Grounded Discrimination Mountain Flock Tea Bait One Of Those Days Nanosecond Moments Fishing Addiction Lebanon Social Distancing Centaur of Tymfi Swiss Spaghetti Harvest Trudeau Trips Engagement Rings

02-Apr-2020