Birthday Cards for 2004
Serving breakfast at any time
- For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
- I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
- I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
- My neighbour has a circular driveway. He can’t get out.
- I bought some powdered water, but I didn’t know what to add.
- I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
- I have an answering machine in my car. It says, “I’m home now, but leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.”
- I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
- I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it.
- I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
- It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is; it’s always room temperature.
- If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
- You can’t have everything... where would you put it?
- Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
- While I was gone, someone stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica. When I told my roommate, he said, “Do I know you?”
- I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.
- On the ceilings in my house, I have paintings of the rooms above so I never have to go upstairs.
- One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read.”
- Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone. When I came back the entire area was missing.
- Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.
- I was born by Caesarian section... but not so you’d notice. It’s just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.
- I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Birthday & Language Sections
Custer's Last Stand?
Hand Held Tourist
Second Hand Work
Ostrich Fill Up
Reach For Your Dreams
Jeopardy Measuring Cup
All We Have To Do Is Stand Up
Chinese Puzzle Car
Always Give 100% At Work
My Toaster Is Broken
The Bugs Are Bad This Year