Three guys go through an exit interview at a mental hospital. The doctor says he can release them if they can answer the simple mathematical problem: “What is 8 times 5?”
The first patient says, “139.”
The second one says, “Wednesday.”
The third says, “What a stupid question. It’s obvious: The answer is 40.”
The doctor is delighted. He gives the third guy his release. As the man is leaving, the doctor asks how he came up with the correct answer so quickly.
“It was easy, Doc. I just divided Wednesday into 139.”
Treat the patient, not the X-ray. - James M. Hunter
The patient always lies on the couch. - Unknown
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
Half this game is ninety percent mental. - Yogi Berra
Beware the wrath of a patient adversary. - John C. Calhoun
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
Mental Block: A street on which several psychiatrists live - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Ninety percent of hockey is mental and the other half is physical. - Wayne Gretzky
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell
Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. - Patricia Neal
Don't be hollerin' at him, will ya - you'll give him a mental sterosis. - Archie Bunker
The fact that your patient gets well does not prove that your diagnosis was correct. - Samuel J. Meltzer
Character is the result of two things: Mental attitude and the way we spend our time. - Elbert Green Hubbard
Yoga has a sly, clever way of short circuiting the mental patterns that cause anxiety. - Baxter Bell
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown
We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can't be done. - Bo Bennett
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Nothing has afforded me so convincing a proof of the unity of the Deity as these purely mental conceptions of numerical and mathematical science. - Mary Somerville
The patient always lies on the couch. - Unknown
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
Half this game is ninety percent mental. - Yogi Berra
Beware the wrath of a patient adversary. - John C. Calhoun
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
Mental Block: A street on which several psychiatrists live - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Ninety percent of hockey is mental and the other half is physical. - Wayne Gretzky
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell
Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. - Patricia Neal
Don't be hollerin' at him, will ya - you'll give him a mental sterosis. - Archie Bunker
The fact that your patient gets well does not prove that your diagnosis was correct. - Samuel J. Meltzer
Character is the result of two things: Mental attitude and the way we spend our time. - Elbert Green Hubbard
Yoga has a sly, clever way of short circuiting the mental patterns that cause anxiety. - Baxter Bell
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown
We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can't be done. - Bo Bennett
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Nothing has afforded me so convincing a proof of the unity of the Deity as these purely mental conceptions of numerical and mathematical science. - Mary Somerville
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06-Aug-2020 |