Three guys go through an exit interview at a mental hospital. The doctor says he can release them if they can answer the simple mathematical problem: “What is 8 times 5?”
The first patient says, “139.”
The second one says, “Wednesday.”
The third says, “What a stupid question. It’s obvious: The answer is 40.”
The doctor is delighted. He gives the third guy his release. As the man is leaving, the doctor asks how he came up with the correct answer so quickly.
“It was easy, Doc. I just divided Wednesday into 139.”
Treat the patient, not the X-ray. - James M. Hunter
Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
The patient has the right to accept your advice or to ignore it. - Martin H. Fischer
Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical. - Yogi Berra
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
Ninety percent of hockey is mental and the other half is physical. - Wayne Gretzky
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher
Faith, to my mind, is a stiffening process, a sort of mental starch. - E.M. Forster
The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley
You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation. - Irvin S Cobb
Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Believe in the reasonable decency of the brethren; patients are not stolen — they run away. - Martin H. Fischer
I have had my television aerials removed. It is the moral equivalent of a prostate operation. - Malcolm Muggeridge
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler
You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
The joy of surfing is so many things combined, from the physical exertion of it, to the challenge of it, to the mental side of the sport. - Kelly Slater
A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell
Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers. - Charles W. Eliot
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. - Norman Vincent Peale
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
The patient has the right to accept your advice or to ignore it. - Martin H. Fischer
Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical. - Yogi Berra
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
Ninety percent of hockey is mental and the other half is physical. - Wayne Gretzky
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher
Faith, to my mind, is a stiffening process, a sort of mental starch. - E.M. Forster
The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley
You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation. - Irvin S Cobb
Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Believe in the reasonable decency of the brethren; patients are not stolen — they run away. - Martin H. Fischer
I have had my television aerials removed. It is the moral equivalent of a prostate operation. - Malcolm Muggeridge
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler
You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
The joy of surfing is so many things combined, from the physical exertion of it, to the challenge of it, to the mental side of the sport. - Kelly Slater
A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell
Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers. - Charles W. Eliot
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. - Norman Vincent Peale
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
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05-Dec-2020 |