Three guys go through an exit interview at a mental hospital. The doctor says he can release them if they can answer the simple mathematical problem: “What is 8 times 5?”
The first patient says, “139.”
The second one says, “Wednesday.”
The third says, “What a stupid question. It’s obvious: The answer is 40.”
The doctor is delighted. He gives the third guy his release. As the man is leaving, the doctor asks how he came up with the correct answer so quickly.
“It was easy, Doc. I just divided Wednesday into 139.”
Clinic: House of pill repute. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Half this game is ninety percent mental. - Yogi Berra
Beware the wrath of a patient adversary. - John C. Calhoun
Cut Rates: What surgeons charge their patients. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Mental clarity ain't for the faint of heart. - Katerina Stoykova Klemer
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
The dementia patient is not giving you a hard time. The dementia patient is having a hard time. - Kerry Kleinbergen
Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. - C S Lewis
You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes
Let the young know they will never find a more interesting, more instructive book than the patient himself. - Giorgio Baglivi
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
It is easier to lead men to combat, stirring up their passion, than to restrain them and direct them toward the patient labors of peace. - Andre Gide
A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell
Stretching the capabilities of my imagination is a crucial aspect of writing fiction; you could think of it as a mental form of athleticism. - Julia Glass
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
Nurse: 1. A woman whose business is to make sickness a pleasure; 2. A young women who holds your wrist and then expects your pulse to be normal. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Half this game is ninety percent mental. - Yogi Berra
Beware the wrath of a patient adversary. - John C. Calhoun
Cut Rates: What surgeons charge their patients. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Mental clarity ain't for the faint of heart. - Katerina Stoykova Klemer
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. - Edith Sitwell
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. - Margaret Thatcher
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
The dementia patient is not giving you a hard time. The dementia patient is having a hard time. - Kerry Kleinbergen
Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. - C S Lewis
You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes
Let the young know they will never find a more interesting, more instructive book than the patient himself. - Giorgio Baglivi
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
It is easier to lead men to combat, stirring up their passion, than to restrain them and direct them toward the patient labors of peace. - Andre Gide
A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell
Stretching the capabilities of my imagination is a crucial aspect of writing fiction; you could think of it as a mental form of athleticism. - Julia Glass
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
Nurse: 1. A woman whose business is to make sickness a pleasure; 2. A young women who holds your wrist and then expects your pulse to be normal. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
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29-May-2022 |