A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law.
The mother-in-law dies.
They go to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home but that
it’ll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only $150.
The guy says, “We’ll ship her home.”
The undertaker asks, “Are you sure? That’s an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here.”
The guy says, “Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”
Easter is never deserved. - Jan Karon
Only where graves are is there resurrection. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley
Spare the rod and spoil the Memorial Day rotisserie. - Brian Spellman
Easter is very important to me, it's a second chance. - Reba McEntire
Those have a short Lent who owe money to be paid at Easter. - Benjamin Franklin
I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg
Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey
Easter is meant to be a symbol of hope, renewal, and new life. - Janine di Giovanni
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem
Memorial Service: Farewell party for someone who has already left. - Robert Byrne
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman
My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson
I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller
Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song. - Pope John Paul II
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman
Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law."
WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields
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