1st daughter of Generous.
10 bucks puts a whole different complexity on the situation.
45 caliber German Shmowzer - a 38 caliber German Floogle with a telephonic site.
A babysitter should at least be out of puberous.
A brand new vacuum cleaner with all the latest attractions.
A dreaded disease is infilteratin’ our home.
A husband’s conjungal and a wife’s convivial obligation.
A man’s bar is his castle.
A pigment of your imagination.
A sourpuss never afflixes my appetite.
A vacancy might be opening up right now, courtesy of the grim creaper.
A woman doctor is only good for women’s problems - like your groinocology.
A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith’s cleavage belongs.
Absolutely free, or greatis.
After once or twice a thing like this gets vulgarious.
Ain’t ya never heard of Medicure?
Alf my vitazane and hey, alf yours too.
All girls go cockeyed during pooberescency.
All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don’t wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one.
All of those unflocked priests.
All your friends are gonna be green with envious.
And I mean this very sinseriously.
And that’s the crutch of the situation.
Another victim of the grim weeper.
Antitoxidote cruisin’ through my system looking for some disease to attack.
Arrivaducci, von boyage.
As Doris Day used to sing “Que Seroo Seroo.”
As one of the faithful constituitionals.
As our President said in his renegurial address.
As the French used to say, “the peace of resistance.”
At night they all come out of the subway and they’re hooverin’ around the corner.
Baby lying in the bassinoot.
Back since time immamoral.
Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten.
BANG - A four-letter Italian word for good-bye.
Be careful calling attraction to themselves.
Beat your tambourines with the Hairy Knishes.
Before he makes any remittmants out there.
Besmooch the family name in the eyes of the community.
Between here and Florida, ya got your original 48 states.
Birth patrol pills.
Black Panther leader Elder Cleavage.
Book Of Ecclesiasticles.
Business adventurous (ventures).
Busted tribia (tibia)
But what does he owe me for 5 years of bread and broad?
Buy one of them battery transvester radios.
Can’t you be indelicate for once?
Certainly I’m innocent, Edith. But of what?
Civilized humanical relationships.
Commenstrual with my experience.
Committing insex in the family.
Considering what he done, I think it was highly aproplactic (appropriate).
Could I get gangroon out of that?
Count of Monte Crisco
Did Lincoln apologize to Alexander Graham Booth?
Did you ever hear of scruples? I think Boom Boom caught ’em from a Chinaman.
Didn’t he take the exercise tax off cars?
Do you Edith....take Archie Bunker to be your lawfully bedded husband?
Do you think that suppository is gonna be safe from me there, Edith?
Don’t be accusing me of taking a bribe. You know what they call that, “definition of character.”
Don’t be hollerin’ at him, will ya - you’ll give him a mental sterosis.
Don’t talk like an ignarosis.
Don’t ya know it’s bad luck to keep icrons in a Christian home?
Dropped the heavy lid of the terlet right on my instoop.
Dunn & Broad Streets
Early in the morning when the crows cock.
East is East and West is West, but none of us is gonna meet Mark Twain.
Edith, at my age I don’t need roughage - I need smoothage.
Edith, hold it! You are invading the issue.
Edith, I’m mortifried!
Emperor Negro, who fiddled while Rome burned.
Entertainment is a thing of the past, today we’ve got television.
Even Robinson Crusoe had company on Friday
Ever hear of the old saying, “grass don’t grow on a busy street?”
Excitement to riot.
Executioner of a will.
Fires and grimstones of hell.
First time in 23 years our minds are synchrosized.
Floods and diseases and pestillentaries.
Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate.
From the prairies, to the oceans, wide with foam.
Genuine 100% chromonometer (a watch)
German headshrinker named Sigmund Fruit.
Geronomous zones and the floorplay, you spoil all the waddya call the mystiqueries of things.
Get the hanging dog expression off your face.
Go on with the renouncement.
Go to the gyropractor and get fixed?
“Go west,” like Horace Greenberg said.
God Bless America, written by Milton Berlin.
Gonna be incrimated... they’re gonna keep the ashes around the house in one of them silver urinals.
Gonna take all of my thinking and all of my consecration.
Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness.
Grab the bull by the corns.
Hairy Krishnas howlin’ and playin’ their tangerines.
Hangin’ around her neck like an albacore.
Hanging around my neck like an albacross.
He goes through groceries like an earth remover.
He made us all one true religion, Edith, which he named after his son, Christian - or Christ, for short.
He wants his son to follow in his footprints.
He was able to keep things in the proper suspective.
He’d go through the house like Typhoon Mary.
He’ll be coming back and back and back, like a chronicle rash.
Hell hath no fury like a woman’s corns.
Her husband was infidelicate with another woman.
Hereintofore, I’m gonna call you Michael.
He’s breaking his grandpa’s sacrolificat.
He’s got some grand strategy that he can’t revulge.
He’s got that big house to maintain in San Clemency.
He’s still scravengin’ down here.
He’s talking another war, an old war, ya know, 1812, the one between the states.
He’s the Judas S. Cariot of the loadin’ platform.
Here’s a last bequest: I don’t want that guy sayin’ my last urology.
Here’s the money for our patentcy (patent).
Here’s to the new interprood. Put me in for $5,000.
Hidin’ out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera.
Holier than thy.
Honour thy parents. That’s one of the Lord’s Top 10 Commandments. That’s right around covetin’ your neighbor’s cattles and wives and there.
Horse ovaries (hors d’oeuvres)
Hot flushes and mentalpause.
House of ill refute.
I am B-U-Z-Y, busy!
I ain’t a man of carnival instinctuals like you.
I ain’t got no respect for no religion where the head guy claims he can’t make no mistakes. Like he’s, waddya call, inflammable.
I ain’t got nothing in that hand. Look at that, this guy is suspective of everything.
I ain’t had no brother for 29 years - nearly a quarter of a century.
I ain’t in a happy frame of mood.
I ain’t in no mood to play 120 questions.
I ain’t no counterfeeter.
I commensurate with you on that.
I could get blackbusted.
I didn’t ask her for nothin’. It was her that reduced me.
I don’t go around signin’ no political documentaries.
I don’t think he’s gonna come Edith. He just ain’t got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious.
I got a lotta best friends. Some o’ them I don’t even hardly know.
I got a unanimous (anonymous) letter
I got bigger fish to fly.
I got nothin’ against mankind. It’s people I can’t stand.
I got something important here to read and sign and I gotta consecrate on that.
I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese.
I hate to leave in the middle of all this hillerarity.
I just don’t want you to do nothing on the sperm of the moment.
I just want to take the opportunity to express my waddya call, gratitude and depreciation.
I pay very heavy semi-annual premiums 4 times a year.
I think the family was from Hungaria. (talking about Noah’s Ark)
I told him no. N, O, W, no!
I wanna read ya something right out of the allamac.
I want you all to synchronize your tongues to silence.
I was just a little bit exstartled about being called out of the ordinary.
I was readin’ an article about the animal population - there’s millions of pets explodin’.
I wasn’t referencin’ (referring) to myself.
I work for myself. I’m what ya call an “entramanure.”
I would have brung you flowers too, but I read in a magazine that they suck up all the carbon monoxygen.
I’d give that picture a Japanese Academy Reward!
I’d say that the Meathead probably got magnesia and forgot where his mouth was.
If God gets sore enough at you Edith, he could turn your jawbone into an ass.
If he don’t go calling the cops “pigs” or one of those other epilets, he’ll be all right.
If society is at fault that we got killers running around murdering innocent people, then it’s simple. We turn the killer loose, give him a pension for life and shoot the rest of the city.
If you liberals keep gettin’ your way - we’re all gonna hear one big loud flush. The sound of the U.S. of A. goin’ straight down the toilet.
I’ll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I’ll even bring home a whole maggot.
I’m 50 years of old.
I’m a man. Men have got another thing... they got waddya call, a carnival instinct.
I’m contributing to the, waddya call, on the loosincy of a child.
I’m due at the ballet. They’re doin’ Swoon Lake.
I’m glad for your gratification (gratified).
I’m going to the Colonel next. I’m gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes.
I’m gonna keep a beagle-eye on you the whole weekend.
I’m half prostate in the heat.
I’m out there everyday amongst them, in the smelting pot of New York.
I’m readin’ in the paper where the CIA is dopin’ people up. Maybe somebody injected some of that LSD in the lady’s cottage cheese.
I’m saying I can’t afford to make no donations to no Catholic charities. If you need the money that bad, wire the Pope - he’s got more money than God.
I’m suffering a little bit from smoke exhilaration.
I’m sympathising my watch with yours.
If everything is good in the henhouse yous don’t have to go out for eggs.
If that ain’t the Black calling the kettle pot!
If you was eavesdripping, that there is a very defensive thing to do.
If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we’re gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower.
Imported from a little town in Italy... Fresno.
In a pig’s dye.
In ancient Rome they killed Sid Caesar.
In bed, I’m totally impudent... (later) I got the feeling my prudence is coming back.
In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.
In her elastic stockings, next to her very close veins.
In the lap of the cards.
In the words of Harry S, Truman, “If it’s too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook.”
International Spade The Cat Week
Intricate facts of sex.
Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women’s Lubrication Movement.
It ain’t enough that he’s a Pinko and an atheist. You gonna turn him from a man to a morphadite?
It ain’t exactly the Pope diamond.
It ain’t German to the conversation.
It ain’t supposed to make sense; it’s faith. Faith is something that you believe that nobody in his right mind would believe.
It passes outta you through your lower intestubes.
It really kind of infilterates the noh-strils.
It took me 20 years to memorize the deformaties of the room.
It’s a beautiful beege color.
It’s a point or setter plant (poinsettia).
It’s a proven fact that capital punishment is a well-known detergent to crime.
It’s a temporarial blowout here. All the houses on the block are dark.
It’s a well known histororical fact: they gave ’em an inch of CzechosloWakia and they took Poland.
It’s evaporooted a little bit there.
It’s only supposed to take off a little microscope at a time.
It’s only the mercy of the lord I ain’t had a stroke already - and a coronary trombonus in the bargain.
It’s too late Edith, my bus has sailed.
I’ve been accumeratin’ these benefits for 30 years.
I’ve never seen a man so low and depaved.
Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother’s side.
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench?
Just ’cause there’s snow in the basement don’t mean there ain’t no fire in the roof!
Just keep hanging your steamers over there. You’re the one who got me into this whole expensive party here.
Just try to restract his attention.
Largess, smalless, any kind of ess.
Last will & tentacle.
Legitimate reality (realty) company.
Lemon merinj pie.
“Let ’em eat cake,” to quote the late Mark Antonette.
Let fightin’ dogs lie.
Like a bull into a china closet.
Like in that picture, “The Prince & The Porpoise.”
Like ships that clash in the night.
Like the Good Book says, “Let him who is without sin be the rolling stone.”
Like the Good Book says, “Patience is a virgin.”
Like the old adverb, “you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can’t look in his mouth.”
Listen Edith, I know you’re singing, you know you’re singing, but the neighbors may think I’m torturing you.
Look at the 2 chimpanzoos over here.
Look at you, you’re white as a goat.
Looking at the initials on your monogroom.
Making suppository remarks about our country.
Marchin’ in all the peace riots.
Maybe I oughta get one of them priests in to exercise with her.
Maybe I’d like to run around the house my drawers, and with her here, I felt inhabited.
Maybe my mind chewed off more than the mind should bite.
Me and your mother ain’t no duke or duke-ess.
Men gets these here, waddya call, surges, where the chromostones are burlin’ over.
Most of ’em have more hismones than hermones.
Movie about nuns, starring Ingrid Bernstein.
Mrs. O’Leary’s cow is sorry, but Cleveland burned anyway.
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease.
My eyesight went blurry from the lastitude they put in the mushrooms.
My hunka flywood is ripped off!
My own tax expert, H & R Crock.
New mother - they get a sense of waddya call, “the maternals.”
New York champagne - that’s a phony label. They don’t grow raisins in New York.
Nice quiet, waddya call, stablishment.
No armaments, no neighborments.
No bum that can’t speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here!
No, I think that was when Abraham Lincoln signed the Declaration of Independence. Ya know, “Fourscore and 7 years ago.”
No matter how long we’ve been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, “turn me over.”
No taxation without regimentation.
None of the “how was your day” or “woopdee woos.”
Nothing Eyetalian because it causes garlic stones.
Now I’m gonna synchrosize the watch.
Off-the-docks Jews (Orthodox Jews).
Oh graytin potatoes.
Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light. What so proudly we hailed. Of thee I sing.
OK, if you can get an indepartial judge.
On a full stomach I probably detergorate.
One crazy dame was “Marching To Astoria.”
One good egg in a barrel of rotten apples.
One man’s goose is another man’s dander.
One of the funniest antidotes of all time - you sit there like you’re in a comma.
One of these days I’m gonna dehead myself.
One of those digitalis clocks.
Ordinary tradegies of war.
Our Air Corps reunion was held to rememmorate the great things we done.
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health.
Paragorically, I will not let you ever talk about our sex life.
People are scared that the departed soul might be hoovering around some place.
Please don’t draw me no diaphrams.
Position is nine-tenths of the law.
Present company suspected (excepted).
President Ford tells us all to bite the bullet and Betsy Ford goes on TV and shoots off her mouth.
Probably a torn filament right there in the kneecap.
Raise him a Luferan if you want, raise him a Norman with 7 wives, a holy roller, a Seventh Day Adventurer...
Rules and regulations and priororities.
Samson, he takes the jawbone out of the grass and he kills the whole army of the Phillipines.
Sayin’ grace - it’s just thankin’ Mother Nature, whose 1st name just happens to be Grace.
See if he passed the literaracy test.
Senatorial, governorial, mayororial.
She caught a touch of laryngosis from the smoke.
She changes prices. I caught her in a near misdemeanus.
She’s loaded with this, waddya call, women’s intermission.
She takes everything I say out of contest.
Shirley Temple was never as good as Bojangles George Murphy.
Show me where to put my John Hancrock.
Shut the door will the 2 of yas, we’re catchin’ ammonia.
Sit right down there, seniorora.
Sleeping dogs bark the loudest.
Smells like some kind if saniquarium.
So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house.
So I won’t make the cover of Harper’s Brassiere.
Some Catlick priest sprinkling incest over everyone.
Some system of judaspudence we got here.
Something bad has befelt the family.
Something’s rotten in the state of Denver.
Spanish PR’s from the Caraboon.
Special kind of stanima.
Stamped inedibly on my heart.
Stick it all right into that bank suppository.
Stop soft soapin’ and trying to deterge the judge!
Suppose you get an attack of gastriasis in the middle of the night.
Take a cruise down to the Virgin’s Island.
Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine.
Tell ’em we’re all decreased - we went last night in a suicide pact.
Tell her I ain’t crawlin’ home to her with my tail between her legs.
That ain’t no trampoloon.
That ain’t superstition - that’s self-perservation.
That guy ain’t been the same since he had that vasexomy.
That guy is a blackbuster.
That letter’s too old! What I mean to say - it’s subspired.
That Meathead calls me a religious phonetic.
That one kind of grapes on my nerves.
That picture with Lon Chaney - “Of Mouse And Men.”
That there is an invason of my privates.
That woman is liable to come at you like a Doberman’s Pincher.
That woman temptated me up there and you know she was a wonton woman.
That’s a genuine fac-same-ully.
That’s how ya got your Chinatown, your Harlems, your Little Italy... all them grettos.
That’s the kind of luck poor Mr. Lincoln had the night he went to the movies, and he sat in John Wilkes’ booth.
That’s the straw that broke the camel’s neck.
That’s the thing that broke the straw.
That’s what Abel was saying when he got it in the back from his own brother with a cane.
That’s what Columbus said to the Indians just before he gypped ’em out of Manhattan.
The American Way of life, si! The American Way of death, no!
The ancient Egyptian kings, the fairy-ohs.
The atheist religion don’t believe in the bible.
The bad penny ain’t pickin’ up no more rollin’ moss.
The Bible’s full of wine. God ain’t got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son’s birthday with.
The Bible, if ya read it you’d know. It’s right in the beginning there, in the Book of Generous.
The Bunkers is going down to Florida as pre-deranged.
The Dago on the Yarmulke (Yamaha).
The dent in his car is hardly cold and he’s coming over here to claim his pound of fish.
The devil and all his nimps.
The first minute we get something beautiful going you got a way of saying things that just, I dunno, breaks the whole spill.
The flesh of your blood.
The guy went into the Capitol under the dome and was sellin’ the teapots on the side.
The hell with the toothpicks. They say them things bust your emammal anyhow
The highest standard of living - the grossest national product.
The Holy Father’s newest Encyclacle? Like anyone cares what he rides around on.
The hookeries and massageries - the whole world is turning into a regular Sodom and Glaucamorra.
“The Hunchback Of Notre Dame” had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson.
The lord descend down a thundervolt.
The lord may be smilin’ on the sheeps, but they still wind up as lamb chops.
The man ain’t got a regleamin’ feature.
The Meathead swooped down on the table like a plague of crocuses.
The officer ain’t interested in no renimiscences of yours.
The privatesies of the bedroom.
The rest of the bricks and bracks on the mantle.
The rules are written by the bureaucraps.
“The Sex Lives of A-Borgnines” - is that the actor with all the wives?
The sexual act was never constipated.
The story of Noah and the whale.
The Three Muskatelles.
The tiger, he come up with the tigeress. The lion, he come up with the lionette. The zebra, he come up with the zeberelle.
The titular head... that’s the mother, ain’t it?
The two of us all alone and, well, we was imminent together.
The two of you was intricate together.
The upper part, waddya call, the mezzarine.
The vertizontal hold on the TV.
The whole conjugation was asleep.
The way a doctor writes out a subscription.
The word is psalm, S-O-M.
Them eggs over there are startin’ to foment.
There’s a good animal show on with that kindly old gent, Marlons Perkos.
There’s a strong criminal relement up there.
There’s an old saying, “Ya don’t keep runnin’ after you catch the bus.”
There’s nothing wrong with revenge - it’s the best way to get even.
These cigars are the nectarines of the gods.
These people know a lot about that voodoody-ohh-doo-doo.
They just wanna get rid of us old guys over 50 that’s all, and put us out to pasture. Well I ain’t ready to be pasteurized!
They laughed at Robert Fulton but without him, New York wouldn’t have a fish market.
They said he had neurosis of the liver.
They want people like your mother down there because they know they ain’t got no pre-conscrewed ideas.
They’re picking bananas in Brazil and them Indians down there, they don’t care about what you look like.
This ain’t one of these slighthearted occasions.
This anecdote (antidote) you give, how ya supposed to take it?
This den of inquizidry.
This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed.
This is all the fault of that Helen Curly Steinway.
This is only a little mispensation.
This was a very classy guy - in a sharp coat there, one of them velvet collars, and of of them pearl-gray hamburgers on his head (Homburg hat).
Throwing bricks and bottles, it’s like a regular inserruption.
To watch 24 hours a day through them high-powered spectaculars.
Too long they’ve been gettin’ the short end of the totem pole.
True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation.
Until they split off into all them other denumerations.
Up the creek in a boat with a hole.
Up the creek without a saddle.
Up there in his ivory shower.
Upward spinal (spiral).
U.S. history - that’s part of your whole American heresy.
Use a little of your horse’s sense.
Volcanoes erupting hot guava.
Waddya expect him to say, entray voose?
Wake up from your fiestas!
Was Uncle Oscar’s death very untimely, you ask? Well, it was near lunch.
We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road.
We’re gonna strike before the Ivan gets hot.
We hold these semi-animal meetings.
Wearing a Yamaha (Yarmulke).
Welcome to our home. And as yous people say “shaboom” (shalom).
We’ll have a big bowl of spaghetti and a plate of some of that veal scallopeepee.
Well, yous 2 may have come from monkeys and bamboons, but not me.
We’re just sweeping dirty dishes under the rug.
What are we all here, the Norman Cravernacle Choir?
What do I look like, an inferior decorator?
What’d ya do, sneak off to some chyropractor and get yourself fixed?
What’d ya think, you were gonna pull the wolf over my eyes?
What ya do in the privates of your own room is your own privates.
What ya eat ain’t got nuttin’ to do with how old ya are. That all depends on your ancestors. It’s what they call a matter of heresy.
What you need is somebody new - there’s more than 1 fish in the woodpile.
When a boy’s coming into poobertyhood.
When the whole neighborhood turns into a smelting pot.
When they go besmearing the name of a great linebacker.
When ya go out there in the water and ya start crossing your longirudes and lassitudes.
When you work the buttons here, see, it develops what ya call the digitalis skills.
When you’re workin’ with invalids there, especially a lotta kinda decrapid old people.
Who am I, Paul K. Getty?
Who do you think I bunk (bumped) into?
Whoever sent ’em wants to remain unanimous.
Why don’t you take a high dive into the clam drip?
Why y’all duded up lookin’ like Errol Slim?
Wild hornets couldn’t drag me there.
Won by your distinguished incrumbent.
Wouldn’t have to live in miscomfort.
Wouldn’t let ’em get in a word wedgewise.
Ya better keep a civilian tongue in your head.
Ya don’t have to soft soap me.
Ya gotta watch out for that rigididness. It’ll warf your personality.
Ya look like one of those pall buriers at a funeral.
Ya wanna known the truth? I voted for Reegan.
Yankin’ out the tonsils and the adenoods.
Ye is the plurable of you.
You, a man of the cloth, hidin’ behind your hassock.
You ain’t exactly Jan Fierce.
You ain’t got no qualifidations.
You are a weirdwolf (to Mike).
You can never buy beer, you just rent it.
You can’t squeeze blood out of a tulip.
You could be like Anita O’Brien, hustlin’ fruits.
You don’t hear me gettin’ historical.
You got a very warfed sense of humor.
You got easy regress to safety.
You have turned into a pyronymphiac.
You know what’s got the world in the shape today? Buddah, the Pope, Marx and Lemons.
You made a certain referential remark there.
You may have heard some funny comedians in your time - Milton Berlin, Don Trickles.
You never believe nuttin’, Edith. You’re of them septics.
You painted us into a corner, then you threw away the key.
You think I just drove in from Long Island on a load of turnips?
You wanna talk that Russian talk, take yourself back over to the USSO.
You want people to think you live in a pig’s eye?
You’d think I was Lazarus rising from the bed.
You’d play me chess, about which I don’t even know how to deal.
You’ll be turned into a pillow of salt.
You’re a bartender, y’aint a mortrician.
You’re a chimp off the old block.
You’re a hairess (heiress).
You’re breakin’ about 18 laws, maybe even a dozen.
You’re germinatin’ all over me!
You’re gonna be stuffed in one of them intestinary cases.
You’re sicker than me? Edith, get me the other fomometer.
You’re so nayve!
You’re talkin’ like you swallowed an alnamac.
You’re the lowly pheasant with the job of keeping her here.
You’re trying to give him goremets dinners.
Your face is a household word.
Your mother’s down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice.
Archie Bunker, portrayed by
John Carroll O’Connor (August 2, 1924 to June 21, 2001)
from the CBS TV Series “All In The Family” (January 12, 1971 to April 8, 1979)
Language, Phrase, Quotes & Television
more Archie Bunker Quotes
Archie Bunkerisms from Dave @ www.archiebunkerquotes.com
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