Resumé Bloopers
How to avoid getting hired

“As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”

“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

“I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”

“I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”

“I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms.”

“I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

“Let’s meet, so you can “ooh” and “aah” over my experience.”

“Martial status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”

“Personal interests: Donating blood. Fifteen gallons so far.”

“Please don’t misconstrue my 13 jobs as “job-hopping.” I have never quit a job.”

“Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave.”

“Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:30 every morning. Could not work under those conditions.”

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.”

“Wholly responsible for two failed financial institutions.”

“You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”


see also   Business,   Daffynitions,  Language,  Office,
Quote  &  Work  Sections

Church Bulletin Bloopers
Engrish
Flubbed Headlines
Headline Stories
Newspaper Bloopers
Sewing Machine For Sale - Cheap Love Not Included

 

Skywalking

Low Ceiling Workout

Maxi Boot Sorbet

OCD Highschool

Kona Lisa

Fire Distinguisher

An Apple A Day

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Redneck Book Holder

Cold Canada Winter

Snow Reservations

Must Catch Pokemon

Flat-Earthers

Boy Scout Scooter

COLD Fairbanks

Diet Hard

The Bicycle Tree of Vashon Island

Commemorative Pistol

Rad Cat - Curled Up Cat Nap

A Dog's Worst Nightmare
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

22-Jan-2020