The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: “PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.”
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.”
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.”
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.”
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: “NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.”
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story: Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll live longer!
Slow and steady wins the race. - Aesop
Worry gives a small thing a big shadow. - Swedish Proverb
Pessimism is the triumph of worry over matter. - Unknown
Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, Faith looks up. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The finish line is just the beginning of a whole new race. - Susan Saint James
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. - Lily Tomlin
Worry is today's mice nibbling on tomorrow's cheese. - Unknown
No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury
Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay as long as truth. - Will Rogers
Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you. - Dolly Parton
Don't worry about your heart. It will last as long as you live. - WC Fields
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain
The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race. - Mark Twain
It's the steady, quiet, plodding ones who win in the lifelong race. - Robert W Service
Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. - Walter Elliott
The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window. - Raymond Chandler
The dead won't bother you. It's the living you've got to worry about. - John Wayne Gacy
If you worry about yesterday's failures, then today's successes will be few. - Unknown
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. - Benjamin Franklin
I worry about scientists discovering someday that lettuce has been fattening all along. - Erma Bombeck
If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today. - E. Joseph Cossman
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. - Damon Runyon
The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man of character does not expect to be liked by everyone, nor does he worry about being liked by anyone. - Unknown
I've got something inside of me, peasantlike and stubborn, and I'm in it till the end of the race. - Truman Capote
Lord, if it's not your will, let it slip through my grasp. And give me the peace not to worry about it. - Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
150 people die every year from being hit by falling coconuts. Not to worry, drug makers are developing a vaccine. - Jim Carrey
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost
Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens - the main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away. - John Steinbeck
We're all trying to keep up in this stupid race. But that won't be much fun when we're floating in space. - John Symeou
Even a race to Obama, she was gonna beat Obama. I don't know who would be worse, I don't know, how could it be worse? - Donald Trump
My Dad once said, "you wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did." - Dr. Phil McGraw
Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke
Worrying is the most natural and spontaneous of all human functions. It is time to acknowledge this, perhaps even to learn to do it better. - Lewis Thomas
If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep. - Dale Carnegie
Man is the only animal who enjoys the consolation of believing in a next life; all other animals enjoy the consolation of not worrying about it. - Robert Brault
To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest. - Joe-kster
see also Donkey & Religious Sections
Italian Rolex
Not A Shot Was Fired
Protect Your Ass
Royal Weather Forecaster
 Seal Survival |  The Power Of Faith |  Jesus Was Here |  Palm Sunday Social Distancing Service |  Pine Trees Know When It's Easter |
 Beware Of Who Is Watching Over Your Church |  Handicap Ramp |  Kick Out Boxing |  Patience and Wisdom |  Submarine Racing |
 Dead Sea Burgers |  Sick Statue |  I Will Never Understand Fashion |  Courtesy Option |  Ab Enhancer |
 Family Planning Advice |  Cracks Me Up |  Anger Release Machine |  Closing Time |  Beach Breakfast |
05-Apr-2020 |