The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: “PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.”
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.”
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.”
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.”
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: “NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.”
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story: Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll live longer!
In the race for love, I was scratched. - Joan Davis
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hard work is exhilarating; worrying hard is a killer. - Joe Segal
I do not regard a broker as a member of the human race. - Honore de Balzac
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? - George Carlin
Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell. - Shana Alexander
The finish line is just the beginning of a whole new race. - Susan Saint James
Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay as long as truth. - Will Rogers
I try not to worry about things I can't do anything about. - Christopher Walken
Don't worry about your heart. It will last as long as you live. - WC Fields
When the situation is hopeless, there's nothing to worry about. - Edward Abbey
Whenever I see an adult on a bicycle I have hope for the human race. - H G Wells
The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running. - Unknown
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway. - Unknown
Success is having to worry about every damn thing in the world, except money. - Johnny Cash
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strength. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
The dead won't bother you. It's the living you've got to worry about. - John Wayne Gacy
Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment. - Dale Carnegie
In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. - Jonathan Katz
And where does the power come from to see the race to its end? It comes from within. - Eric Liddell
Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its troubles... it empties today of its strength. - Mary Englelbreit
Concentrate on what you're doing - then you won't have time to tense up and worry. - Unknown
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill
If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today. - E. Joseph Cossman
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. - Charles M. Schulz
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. - Damon Runyon
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. - Olin Miller
In this age, the man who dares to think for himself and to act independently does a service to his race. - John Stuart Mill
A man of character does not expect to be liked by everyone, nor does he worry about being liked by anyone. - Unknown
We are going as fast as we can as soon as we can. We're in a race against time, until we run out of money. - Jack Nicholson
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn't change anything. It messes with your mind and steals your happiness. - Unknown
150 people die every year from being hit by falling coconuts. Not to worry, drug makers are developing a vaccine. - Jim Carrey
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. - Robert Frost
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. - Matthew 6:34
We're all trying to keep up in this stupid race. But that won't be much fun when we're floating in space. - John Symeou
How many ideas have there been in the history of the human race that were unthinkable ten years before they appeared? - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke
Worrying is the most natural and spontaneous of all human functions. It is time to acknowledge this, perhaps even to learn to do it better. - Lewis Thomas
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11-Dec-2019 |