The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: “PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.”
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.”
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.”
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.”
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: “NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.”
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story: Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll live longer!
Plodding wins the race. - Aesop
Movie about nuns, starring Ingrid Bernstein - Archie Bunker
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan
When the problem is worry, the prescription is prayer. - David Jeremiah
The finish line is just the beginning of a whole new race. - Susan Saint James
Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you. - Dolly Parton
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain
The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race. - Mark Twain
England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet
The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer. - Will Rodgers
It's the steady, quiet, plodding ones who win in the lifelong race. - Robert W Service
Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. - Walter Elliott
The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. - H G Wells
Success is having to worry about every damn thing in the world, except money. - Johnny Cash
The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
In the Moscow Olympics, Lasse Viren came in fifth and ran a champion's race. - David Coleman
It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window. - Raymond Chandler
The dead won't bother you. It's the living you've got to worry about. - John Wayne Gacy
Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment. - Dale Carnegie
If you're doing your best, you won't have any time to worry about failure. - H Jackson Brown, Jr.
All that separates... race, class, creed, or sex, is inhuman, and must be overcome. - Kate Sheppard
In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. - Jonathan Katz
If you worry about yesterday's failures, then today's successes will be few. - Unknown
An Irishman can be worried by the consciousness that there is nothing to worry about. - Austin O'Malley
Concentrate on what you're doing - then you won't have time to tense up and worry. - Unknown
Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C S Lewis
Don't worry that your children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. - Robert Fulghum
The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere. - Unknown
If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett
Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire. - Dale Carnegie
The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly
It takes a real storm in the average person's life to make him realize how much worrying he has done over the squalls. - Bruce Barton
The world, the race, the soul - in space and time the universes,
All bound as is befitting each - all surely going somewhere. - Walt Whitman
Worrying is the most natural and spontaneous of all human functions. It is time to acknowledge this, perhaps even to learn to do it better. - Lewis Thomas
In the marathon a crazy athlete can just keep pushing from the beginning; at a championship you don't need a time just to win the race. - Haile Gebrelassie
To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay
The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. - Jim Harrison
Donkey & Religious Sections
Not A Shot Was Fired
Protect Your Ass
Royal Weather Forecaster
Lean Two Friends
Bridge Weight Limits
Ikea Log Home
Chimney Sweep Challenge
Ernest Hemingway in 1923 at Age 24
Big Game Hunting in Saskatchewan
OCD Ball Pit
Your First Motorcycle
The Good Old Days
Night Shift for a Computer Geek