The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
Marriage is the sunset of love. - French Proverb
Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx
Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz
A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb
No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying
In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield
A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez
Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller
I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso
When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman
In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough
Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert
I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson
Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw
Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf
Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx
Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz
A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb
No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying
In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield
A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez
Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller
I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso
When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman
In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough
Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert
I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson
Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw
Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
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