The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb
My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson
The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant
Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx
My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen
My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman
Good fishing is just a matter of timing. You have to get there yesterday. - Milton Berle
Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield
Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin
A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. - Henry David Thoreau
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman
A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde
Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway
Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash
One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst
My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson
The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant
Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx
My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen
My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman
Good fishing is just a matter of timing. You have to get there yesterday. - Milton Berle
Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield
Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin
A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. - Henry David Thoreau
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman
A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde
Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway
Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash
One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
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06-Dec-2019 |