The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
Grace: nutrient in the marriage garden - Phil Callaway
A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen
Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges
There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle
Extravagance: Anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen
Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx
My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman
Good fishing is just a matter of timing. You have to get there yesterday. - Milton Berle
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci
A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott
My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows. - Unknown
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor
I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo
Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds
Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf
A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen
Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges
There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle
Extravagance: Anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen
Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx
My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman
Good fishing is just a matter of timing. You have to get there yesterday. - Milton Berle
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci
A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott
My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows. - Unknown
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor
I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo
Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds
Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
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26-Sep-2021 |