The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz
Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer
I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel
I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown
I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor
Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Without the will, marriage is a mockery; without the emotion, it is a drudgery. You need both. - Ravi Zacharias
The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
Model Wife: One who, when she spades the garden, picks up the fish worms and saves them for her husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash
For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
Fishing Trip: Journey undertaken by one or more anglers to a place where no one can remember when it has rained so much - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield
There is only one thing harder than looking for a dewdrop in the dew, and that is fishing for a clam in the clam chowder. - New England Proverb
If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt
Fall: The season when your wife buys new winter clothes so she will have something to wear when she goes out shopping for spring outfits - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland
Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz
Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer
I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel
I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. - Zig Ziglar
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown
I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor
Shady Character: A fellow who snoozes in a hammock under a tree while his wife mows the lawn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Without the will, marriage is a mockery; without the emotion, it is a drudgery. You need both. - Ravi Zacharias
The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
Model Wife: One who, when she spades the garden, picks up the fish worms and saves them for her husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash
For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
Fishing Trip: Journey undertaken by one or more anglers to a place where no one can remember when it has rained so much - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield
There is only one thing harder than looking for a dewdrop in the dew, and that is fishing for a clam in the clam chowder. - New England Proverb
If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt
Fall: The season when your wife buys new winter clothes so she will have something to wear when she goes out shopping for spring outfits - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
Being a dad isn't just about eating a huge bag of gummy bears as your wife gives birth. It means being comfortable with the word 'hero.' - Ryan Reynolds
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
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27-Jun-2022 |