Great Crab Day

Fishing for a better relationship


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.

The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”

The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”

“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.

Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”

The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”


When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news

QuotaBills
Marriage is the sunset of love. - French Proverb

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife. - Ann Landers

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


see also   Fishing,  Marriage,  Police,  Relationship  &  Stress  Sections
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05-Dec-2020