Great Crab Day

Fishing for a better relationship


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.

The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”

The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”

“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.

Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”

The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”


When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news

QuotaBills
Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

A deaf husband and a blind wife make the best couple. - French Proverb

No man should plant more garden than his wife can hoe. - Old Saying

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

The fun of fishing is catching 'em, not killing 'em. - Norman Schwarzkopf

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife. - Ella Grasso

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis

Good fishing is just a matter of timing. You have to get there yesterday. - Milton Berle

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. - Red Skelton

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee. - Anne Bradstreet

I went fishing with Rod Ewert. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife), but still my own. - Si Robertson

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Fishing is not like billiards, in which it is possible to attain a disgusting perfection. - Arthur Ransome

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. - Henry David Thoreau

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland


see also   Fishing,  Marriage,  Police,  Relationship  &  Stress  Sections
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14-Jul-2020