The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.
“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.
The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news
QuotaBills
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges
In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner
The fun of fishing is catching 'em, not killing 'em. - Norman Schwarzkopf
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud
My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown
When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield
My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss
Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
I went fishing with Rod Ewert. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright
How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde
A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams
It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen
A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott
In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum
For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield
In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner
The fun of fishing is catching 'em, not killing 'em. - Norman Schwarzkopf
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud
My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign. - Woody Allen
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
When a man retires his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown
When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield
My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss
Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
I went fishing with Rod Ewert. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright
How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde
A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams
It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen
A good marriage was one in which each person thought he or she was getting the better deal. - Anne Lamott
In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum
For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield
see also Fishing, Marriage, Police, Relationship & Stress Sections
Scuba Diving Accident
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10-Jul-2020 |