Cheating U.S. Politician in 2016
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both candidates were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Hillary Clinton returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Donald Trump returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Clinton comes in with 20 fish and Trump comes in again with none. That evening, Trump’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Trump and says, “I think Clinton is a lowlife scheming cheat-her. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on her and see if she is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Clinton comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Trump, “Well, what about it, is Clinton cheating’?”

“She sure is,” Trump replied. “She’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover

Intelligence has nothing to do with politics. - Londo Molari

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. - WC Fields

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

One can think of life after the fish is in the canoe. - Hawaii Proverb

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity. - Albert Einstein

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

A sushi chef has to spot the best-quality fresh fish instantly. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

The Republicans aren't the only ones who want four more years. - Unknown

Republicans are men of narrow vision, who are afraid of the future. - Jimmy Carter

No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish. - John Ruskin

Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish. Do not overdo it. - Lao Tzu

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? - Douglas Adams

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

Don't be a fish; be a frog. Swim in the water and jump when you hit ground. - Kim Young-ha

A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson

A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader. - Harry S Truman

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

Drawing is the honesty of the art. There is no possibility of cheating. It is either good or bad. - Salvador Dali

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think. - Malcolm de Chazal

Give a man a fish and you have fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you have fed him for a lifetime. - Chinese Proverb

I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. - Kin Hubbard

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm

Harold MacMillan is a very intelligent man, who, as so often happens in politics, achieved supreme power too late. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. The difference between Bill Clinton and myself is that he has a walk-in closet. - Pat Buchanan

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce

Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Unless he doesn't like sushi, then you also have to teach him to cook. - Auren Hoffman

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. - Oscar Ameringer

These are stupid people that say, "Oh didn't Trump declare bankruptcy? Didn't he go bankrupt?" I didn't go bankrupt. - Donald Trump

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey

In politics, as in womanizing, failure is decisive. It sheds its retrospective gloom on earlier endeavor which at the time seemed full of promise. - Malcolm Muggeridge


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating Canadian Politician (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)

 

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01-Oct-2020