The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal American immigration. The Republican presidential primary campaign is prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray and live according to a conservative view of the U.S. Constitution and not Executive Orders.
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists and green energy proponents crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose farm borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free range chicken. When I told him I didn’t have any, he angrily left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal American aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them nonetheless. He then installed 5,000 watt loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the border, but they just keep on coming.
Canadian officials are particularly concerned about American smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, promising them that they will be delivered to safe haven in Canada. They pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the batteries die. “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though, and some kale chips, but they wouldn’t share.”
When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly fearing retribution from conservatives, who will make them work instead of providing entitlements. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the 1950s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on the Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” the official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic broccoli shortage, buying up all the hip hop CDs, and renting all of the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t absorb and support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many inept art and history majors does one country need?”
A week is a long time in politics. - Harold Wilson
Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers
Making suppository remarks about our country. - Archie Bunker
Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. - Henry Brooks Adams
I don't even know what street Canada is on. - Al Capone
Go West, young man, and grow up with the country. - Horace Greeley
China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese. - Charles de Gaulle
No, I look at the Senators and pray for the country. - Edward Everett Hale
A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs. - German Proverb
Self-government won't work without self-discipline. - Paul Harvey
Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston
I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country. - Nathan Hale
False Economy: using only 30 candles on her 40th birthday cake - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese? - Charles de Gaulle
I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for "Running off to Canada." - Jay Leno
When God created the world, he didn't draw a line between Canada and America. - Marianne Williamson
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw
When women are mad or depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler
I live sort of in the country and I like that. It's very quiet, it's beautiful. - Christopher Walken
Patriots always talk of dying for their country and never of killing for their country. - Bertrand Russell
Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles
Demagogue: A person with whom we disagree as to which gang should mismanage the country. - Don Marquis
The spirit of America has nurtured responsibility and community unlike any other country. - Stephen Covey
I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen
The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. - Kurt Vonnegut
We don't have inflation because we are living too well. We have it because government is living too well. - Ronald Reagan
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks. - Barrymore
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. - Plato
I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin
Politics is the only business where doing nothing other than making the other guy look bad is an acceptable outcome. - Mark Warner
Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller
But here's what I've learned in this war, in this country, in this city: to love the miracle of having been born. - Oriana Fallaci
I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Dubmerol: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
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30-Jun-2022 |