Liberals Caught at Canadian Border

Increased patrols to stop illegal American immigration


The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal American immigration. The Republican presidential primary campaign is prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray and live according to a conservative view of the U.S. Constitution and not Executive Orders.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists and green energy proponents crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose farm borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free range chicken. When I told him I didn’t have any, he angrily left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal American aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them nonetheless. He then installed 5,000 watt loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the border, but they just keep on coming.

Canadian officials are particularly concerned about American smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, promising them that they will be delivered to safe haven in Canada. They pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the batteries die. “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though, and some kale chips, but they wouldn’t share.”

When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly fearing retribution from conservatives, who will make them work instead of providing entitlements. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the 1950s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on the Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” the official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic broccoli shortage, buying up all the hip hop CDs, and renting all of the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t absorb and support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many inept art and history majors does one country need?”


QuotaBills
Canada was built on dead beavers. - Margaret Atwood

In Canada, things are very honest. - Jim Pattison

There is no gambling like politics. - Benjamin Disraeli

In politics nothing is contemptible. - Benjamin Disraeli

Country Music: Three chords and the truth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To God, thy country, and thy friend be true. - Bill Vaughan

Intelligence has nothing to do with politics. - Londo Molari

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

What the country needs are a few labor-making inventions. - Arnold H Glasow

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country. - Steven Wright

Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity. - Albert Einstein

I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country. - Nathan Hale

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

If you ever live in a country run by a committee, be on the committee. - William Graham Sumner

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country. - Robert Frost

I wouldn't mind paying taxes if I knew they were going to a friendly country. - Dick Gregory

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

If you want to know who is going to change this country, go home and look in the mirror. - Maude Barlow

Governing a large country is like frying a small fish. You spoil it with too much poking. - Lao-Tzu

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony.
But if they lie to us, it's politics. - Bill Murray

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

With the changing economy, no one has lifetime employment. But community colleges provide lifetime employability. - Barack Obama

I love Canada. It makes a nice hat for America. When America runs out of water, it's the first place I'll go. - Ryan Reynolds

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. - Jon Stewart

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even. - Will Rogers

The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men. - Plato

We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both. - Louis D. Branders

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable. - Clifton Fadiman

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill


see also   Government,  Nationality,  Political  &  Relationship  Sections
Alien Smuggling
Border Agent Alert
Border Between Rich and Poor
Border Patrol At Its Finest
Border Smuggler
Borderline Stupidity
Cross Border Friends
Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs
Hay For Sale
Nobody Is Above Suspicion At Customs
Politics in Canada and the United States
Redneck Border Security
The Original Homeland Security

 

Fire Starter

Holiday Office

Good Driver

Guest Check

Redneck Shower Head

Deconstruction

It's Broken Now

Mirror Objects

Bicycle Skates

Baby Scan

Canadian Moose Dog

Praying & Preying Mantis

Toilet Paper For The Mother-In-Law

Texas Bank Security

Swimming Pool Reopening

WipeOut

Canadian Lemmings

Pantastic Crop

On A Roll - Only In Japan

Hot Chicks
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

20-Sep-2020