The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal American immigration. The Republican presidential primary campaign is prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray and live according to a conservative view of the U.S. Constitution and not Executive Orders.
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists and green energy proponents crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose farm borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free range chicken. When I told him I didn’t have any, he angrily left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal American aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them nonetheless. He then installed 5,000 watt loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the border, but they just keep on coming.
Canadian officials are particularly concerned about American smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, promising them that they will be delivered to safe haven in Canada. They pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the batteries die. “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though, and some kale chips, but they wouldn’t share.”
When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly fearing retribution from conservatives, who will make them work instead of providing entitlements. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the 1950s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on the Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” the official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic broccoli shortage, buying up all the hip hop CDs, and renting all of the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t absorb and support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many inept art and history majors does one country need?”
In politics the middle way is none at all. - John Adams
In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte
My first occupation was to map the country. - John Hanning Speke
To God, thy country, and thy friend be true. - Bill Vaughan
From politics, it was an easy step to silence. - Jane Austen
Canada is the homeland of equality, justice and tolerance. - Kim Campbell
We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. - H L Mencken
I love Canadians because I don't see very much racism in Canada. - Patti LaBelle
I've only been to these foreign countries: Canada, L.A. and Miami. - Larry the Cable Guy
This country with its institutions belongs to the people who inhabit it. - Abraham Lincoln
For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman
In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney
Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt
To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain
A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson
Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers
Governing a large country is like frying a small fish. You spoil it with too much poking. - Lao-Tzu
South Africa is the most beautiful country I have been to. Canada is also hugely underrated. - Honor Blackman
Why is America the last best hope of Earth? What if it's Liechtenstein? Or, worse, Canada? - Sarah Vowell
Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help get them back in bed again. - Will Rogers
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. - George Burns
The single most exciting thing you encounter in government is competence, because it's so rare. - Daniel P Moynihan
When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki
One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump
Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith
If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia. - Margaret Atwood
Make no mistake. Canada is not a bilingual country. In fact it is less bilingual today than it has ever been. - Stephen Harper
The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn’t got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it. - Bob Hope
In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate. - Charles de Gaulle
One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas
Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere
One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce
The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin
Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level. - Bob Hope
Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people. - Joe Biden
Our ancestors ... possessed a right, which nature has given to all men, of departing from the country in which chance, not choice has placed them. - Thomas Jefferson
Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy
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03-Apr-2020 |