Seamus went into a pharmacy in Dublin. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey and a teaspoon.
Seamus proceeded to pour some of the amber liquid into the teaspoon and offered it to the pharmacist.
“Could you taste this for me, please?” asked Seamus.
The pharmacist took the teaspoon into his mouth, swilled the liquid around and swallowed it.
“Does that taste sweet to you?”, says Seamus.
“No, not at all,” says the pharmacist.
“Oh, that’s a relief,” says Seamus. “Doctor Flannigan told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
God is a concept by which we measure our pain. - John Lennon
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain. - Charlie Chaplin
How much pain have cost us the evils that have never happened. - Thomas Jefferson
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain. - C S Lewis
Pain is a sign that we are alive. Problems are a sign that we are strong. Prayer is a sign that we are not alone. - Unknown
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
So often the difference from where we are, and where God wants us to be, is the pain we aren't wiling to endure to get there. - Craig Groeschel
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
Mysterious love, uncertain treasure, hast thou more of pain or pleasure! Endless torments dwell about thee: Yet who would live, and live without thee! - Joseph Addison
God is a concept by which we measure our pain. - John Lennon
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain. - Charlie Chaplin
How much pain have cost us the evils that have never happened. - Thomas Jefferson
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain. - C S Lewis
Pain is a sign that we are alive. Problems are a sign that we are strong. Prayer is a sign that we are not alone. - Unknown
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
So often the difference from where we are, and where God wants us to be, is the pain we aren't wiling to endure to get there. - Craig Groeschel
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
Mysterious love, uncertain treasure, hast thou more of pain or pleasure! Endless torments dwell about thee: Yet who would live, and live without thee! - Joseph Addison
see also Medical Section
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24-Oct-2021 |