Sour Pharmacist

What doesn’t cure you ales you


Seamus went into a pharmacy in Dublin. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey and a teaspoon.

Seamus proceeded to pour some of the amber liquid into the teaspoon and offered it to the pharmacist.

“Could you taste this for me, please?” asked Seamus.

The pharmacist took the teaspoon into his mouth, swilled the liquid around and swallowed it.

“Does that taste sweet to you?”, says Seamus.

“No, not at all,” says the pharmacist.

“Oh, that’s a relief,” says Seamus. “Doctor Flannigan told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”




QuotaBills
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

God is a concept by which we measure our pain. - John Lennon

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. - WC Fields

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea. - Walter Bagehot

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

The great art of life is sensation; to feel that we exist, even in pain. - Lord Byron

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

You purchase pain with all that joy can give and die of nothing but a rage to live. - Alexander Pope

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you known it is healed. - Lyanla Vanzant

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. For every challenge encountered there is opportunity for growth. - Unknown

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown


see also   Medical  Section
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07-Dec-2019