I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found
the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?”
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so
I tracked down Rachel’s correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two
digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the “wrong”
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re a scumbag!” and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word “scumbag” next to it, and put it on my speed dial.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up
and yell, “You’re a scumbag!” It always cheered me up!
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic “scumbag” calling would have to
stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the Caller ID program?”
He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re a scumbag!”
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black
BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and
yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window
so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call
the BMW scumbag too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can you tell me where I can see it?”
“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It’s a yellow house, and the car’s parked right
out in front.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“My name is Don Hanson,” he said.
“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I’m home every evening after five.”
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
“Don, you’re a scumbag.”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had
two scumbags to call
But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I
came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1
“You’re a scumbag!” (But I didn’t hang up
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Don Hanson.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, scumbag.”
Then I called Scumbag #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, scumbag,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” I said.
“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, scumbag, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th
Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.
There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a
police helicopter, and news crew.
Now I feel a lot better
Anger punishes itself. - English Proverb
Nature is cheaper than therapy. - M P Zarrella
Anger blows out the candle of the mind. - Robert G Ingersoll
Whining is anger through a small opening. - Al Franken
Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. - Steven Wright
If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel. - Unknown
Be patient and calm; no one can catch a fish with anger. - Herbert Hoover
Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one. - Benjamin Franklin
Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding. - Mohandas K. Gandhi
Anger must be the energy that has not yet found its right channel. - Florida Scott-Maxwell
Whoever incites anger has a strong insurance against indifference. - Philip Stanhope
Reality: The leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. - Peter F Drucker
Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner
To err is human. To blame it on somebody else shows management potential. - Unknown
Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown
The best time management strategy: don't find the time, find the why. - Chris Guillebeau
The best training a top manager can be engaged in is management by example. - Carlos Ghosn
God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress. - Kelly Clarkson
You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger. - Buddha
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. - JRR Tolkien
Most stress is caused by people who overestimate the importance of their problems. - Michael LeBoeuf
Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister
Anger begets more anger, and forgiveness and love lead to more forgiveness and love. - Mahavira
Good management consists in showing average people how to do the work of superior people. - John Rockefeller
Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley
The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren't enough. - Amy Weintraub
Effective leadership is putting first things first. Effective management is discipline, carrying it out. - Stephen Covey
Charity is not like feeding pigeons in the square. It is a process that requires professional management. - Roman Abramovich
Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea
The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. - Scott Adams
Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy
I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule
Forgiveness is the economy of the heart. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. - Hannah More
The conventional definition of management is getting work done through people, but real management is developing people through work. - Agha Hasan Abedi
Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott
Finance functions lose the potential to steer their organizations to success when they defer performance management to other functions. - Jack Alexander
To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay
Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer
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