I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found
the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?”
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so
I tracked down Rachel’s correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two
digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the “wrong”
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re a scumbag!” and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word “scumbag” next to it, and put it on my speed dial.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up
and yell, “You’re a scumbag!” It always cheered me up!
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic “scumbag” calling would have to
stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the Caller ID program?”
He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re a scumbag!”
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black
BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and
yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window
so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call
the BMW scumbag too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can you tell me where I can see it?”
“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It’s a yellow house, and the car’s parked right
out in front.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“My name is Don Hanson,” he said.
“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I’m home every evening after five.”
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
“Don, you’re a scumbag.”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had
two scumbags to call
But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I
came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1
“You’re a scumbag!” (But I didn’t hang up
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Don Hanson.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, scumbag.”
Then I called Scumbag #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, scumbag,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” I said.
“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, scumbag, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th
Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.
There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a
police helicopter, and news crew.
Now I feel a lot better
Keep cool; anger is not an argument. - Daniel Webster
The greatest remedy for anger is delay. - Seneca
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame. - Benjamin Franklin
Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. - Steven Wright
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny. - Kin Hubbard
Management is nothing more than motivating people. - Lee Iacocca
Lawyers are men who hire out their words and anger. - Robert Christy
Be patient and calm; no one can catch a fish with anger. - Herbert Hoover
Management is a practice where art, science, and craft meet. - Henry Mintzberg
Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on. - Alice Miller
Whoever incites anger has a strong insurance against indifference. - Philip Stanhope
Reality: The leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. - Lily Tomlin
Too much homework can cause stress, depression and even lower grades. - Unknown
Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner
Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. - Richard Carlson
Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg
To err is human. To blame it on somebody else shows management potential. - Unknown
Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown
The best time management strategy: don't find the time, find the why. - Chris Guillebeau
God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress. - Kelly Clarkson
How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. - Marcus Aurelius
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret
Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one. - Hans Selye
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. - JRR Tolkien
Anger begets more anger, and forgiveness and love lead to more forgiveness and love. - Mahavira
The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James
Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye
The yoga mat is a good place to turn when talk therapy and antidepressants aren't enough. - Amy Weintraub
In times of great stress or adversity, plow your anger and your energy into something positive. - Lee Iacocca
Some of these people need ten years of therapy - ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of therapy. - Oscar Wilde
Charity is not like feeding pigeons in the square. It is a process that requires professional management. - Roman Abramovich
The child should gain no request by anger; when he is quiet let him be offered what was refused when he wept. - Seneca
Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea
Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy
Forgiveness is the economy of the heart. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. - Hannah More
Forgiveness isn't just the absence of anger. It's also the presence of self-love, when you actually begin to value yourself. - Tara Westover
Animals are not our selfie props. If there's any risk that your photo is going to hurt or stress an animal, it's not worth it. - Angela Henderson
Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall. - Stephen Covey
To be a champion, you have to learn to handle stress and pressure. But if you've prepared mentally and physically, you don't have to worry. - Harvey Mackay
Relationship & Stress
Anger Management Suppository Bullets
Anger Release Machine
Control Your Anger
When Life Gets You Down
Why Stand In Line?
How Twins Are Made
Ups and Downs
Irish Flu Shots
2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars
Abbey Road Joe-kster and Bernie
Hard Working Cop
Mechanic's Work Table