Anger Management for Rude People

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?”
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Rachel’s correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the “wrong” number again…

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re a scumbag!” and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word “scumbag” next to it, and put it on my speed dial. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re a scumbag!” It always cheered me up!

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic “scumbag” calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the Caller ID program?”
He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re a scumbag!”

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window… so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call the BMW scumbag too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can you tell me where I can see it?”
“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It’s a yellow house, and the car’s parked right out in front.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“My name is Don Hanson,” he said.
“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I’m home every evening after five.”
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
“Yes?”
“Don, you’re a scumbag.”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two scumbags to call…

But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1…
“Hello.”
“You’re a scumbag!” (But I didn’t hang up…)
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“ Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Don Hanson.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.”
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, scumbag.”
Then I called Scumbag #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, scumbag,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” I said.
“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, scumbag, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.

There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

Now I feel a lot better…

QuotaBills
Anger punishes itself. - English Proverb

Competition is a rude yet effective motivation. - Toba Beta

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny. - Kin Hubbard

Lawyers are men who hire out their words and anger. - Robert Christy

The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. - Hubert H Humphrey

Be patient and calm; no one can catch a fish with anger. - Herbert Hoover

Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one. - Benjamin Franklin

Management is a practice where art, science, and craft meet. - Henry Mintzberg

Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on. - Alice Miller

Anger must be the energy that has not yet found its right channel. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

Whoever incites anger has a strong insurance against indifference. - Philip Stanhope

Too much homework can cause stress, depression and even lower grades. - Unknown

Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. - Peter F Drucker

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

To err is human. To blame it on somebody else shows management potential. - Unknown

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown

God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress. - Kelly Clarkson

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. - Marcus Aurelius

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. - JRR Tolkien

Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work. - Peter F Drucker

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

Anger ventilated often hurries towards forgiveness; anger concealed often hardens into revenge. - E G Bulwer-Lytton

Don't waste your time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy. - Roy T. Bennett

If you can't control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls waiting to be attacked. - Book of Proverbs

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

Charity is not like feeding pigeons in the square. It is a process that requires professional management. - Roman Abramovich

The child should gain no request by anger; when he is quiet let him be offered what was refused when he wept. - Seneca

People say that forgiving is my flaw, but I really believe that holding grudges and anger is a waste of energy. - Mayte Garcia

Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date. - Caroline Rhea

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. - Scott Adams

Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Forgiveness isn't just the absence of anger. It's also the presence of self-love, when you actually begin to value yourself. - Tara Westover

Finance functions lose the potential to steer their organizations to success when they defer performance management to other functions. - Jack Alexander

The paradigm of treating menopause symptoms with the lowest effective dose of hormone therapy, for the shortest period necessary, is very sensible. - Hugh Taylor

see also Relationship & Stress Sections
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Control Your Anger
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When Life Gets You Down

Anger Management for Rude People

When you have a REALLY bad day, take it out on someone you don’t know!

01-Oct-2020