Anger Management for Rude People

When you have a REALLY bad day, take it out on someone you don’t know!


I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, “Hello.”
I politely said, “This is Jason Braemore. Could I please speak with Rachel Carter?”
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me - I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Rachel’s correct number and called her - I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the “wrong” number again…

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re a scumbag!” and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word “scumbag” next to it, and put it on my speed dial. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, “You’re a scumbag!” It always cheered me up!

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic “scumbag” calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with the Caller ID program?”
He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re a scumbag!”

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his car window… so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first scumbag, I thought I had better call the BMW scumbag too.
I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can you tell me where I can see it?”
“Yes, I live at 1969 West 35th Street. It’s a yellow house, and the car’s parked right out in front.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“My name is Don Hanson,” he said.
“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I’m home every evening after five.”
“Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”
“Yes?”
“Don, you’re a scumbag.”
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two scumbags to call…

But after several months of calling them, it wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Scumbag #1…
“Hello.”
“You’re a scumbag!” (But I didn’t hang up…)
“Are you still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“ Stop calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I said.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“My name is Don Hanson.”
“Yeah? Where do you live?”
“Scumbag, I live at 1969 West 35th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front.”
He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.”
I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, scumbag.”
Then I called Scumbag #2.
“Hello?” he said.
“Hello, scumbag,” I said.
He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are, I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” I said.
“I’ll kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Well, scumbag, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1969 West 35th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called CKVU Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 35th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 35th Street.

There I saw two scumbags beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

Now I feel a lot better…


QuotaBills
Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

You're afraid of your own anger. - Kristin Cashore

Keep cool; anger is not an argument. - Daniel Webster

Anger blows out the candle of the mind. - Robert G Ingersoll

The greatest remedy for anger is delay. - Seneca

Whining is anger through a small opening. - Al Franken

Our humor turns our anger into a fine art. - Mary Kay Blakely

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. - Steven Wright

Competition is a rude yet effective motivation. - Toba Beta

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny. - Kin Hubbard

If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel. - Unknown

The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. - Hubert H Humphrey

Be patient and calm; no one can catch a fish with anger. - Herbert Hoover

Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one. - Benjamin Franklin

Management is a practice where art, science, and craft meet. - Henry Mintzberg

Anger must be the energy that has not yet found its right channel. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis

Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. - Marcus Aurelius

A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. - Unknown

If you are patient in one moment of anger you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. - Chinese Proverb

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work. - Peter F Drucker

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

If you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy, keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor. - Teri Garr

Management by objective works - if you know the objectives. Ninety percent of the time you don't. - Peter F Drucker

If you can't control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls waiting to be attacked. - Book of Proverbs

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

Charity is not like feeding pigeons in the square. It is a process that requires professional management. - Roman Abramovich

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. - Hannah More

When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why. - Katharine Whitehorn

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Forgiveness isn't just the absence of anger. It's also the presence of self-love, when you actually begin to value yourself. - Tara Westover

The conventional definition of management is getting work done through people, but real management is developing people through work. - Agha Hasan Abedi


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14-Jul-2020