Colonoscopy Comments

Boldly going where no man has gone before


[A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies...]

1. Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.

2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?

3. Can you hear me NOW?

4. Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!

5. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

6. You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.

7. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?

8. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do The Hokey Pokey....

9. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!

10. If your hand doesn’t fit, you must acquit!

11. Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.

12. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?

13. Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?


QuotaBills
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

I have had my television aerials removed. It is the moral equivalent of a prostate operation. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno

The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon. - Kurt Vonnegut

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield


see also   Doctor  Section
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Doctor’s Flat Examination
Exhausting Gyne Work
German Flatulence Control
Mechanical Patient

 

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30-Sep-2020