[A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies...] No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild Co-Operation: An exchange between a woman and a man in which she coos and he operates - Daffynitions joe-ks.com People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne I have had my television aerials removed. It is the moral equivalent of a prostate operation. - Malcolm Muggeridge Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon. - Kurt Vonnegut When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller see also Doctor Section Car Surgeon Colon Celery Colorectal Exam For Dogs Colorectal Surgeon Praise Doctor’s Flat Examination Exhausting Gyne Work German Flatulence Control Mechanical Patient |
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