Colonoscopy Comments

Boldly going where no man has gone before


[A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies...]

1. Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.

2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?

3. Can you hear me NOW?

4. Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!

5. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

6. You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.

7. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?

8. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do The Hokey Pokey....

9. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!

10. If your hand doesn’t fit, you must acquit!

11. Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.

12. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?

13. Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?


QuotaBills
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

Co-Operation: An exchange between a woman and a man in which she coos and he operates - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

I have had my television aerials removed. It is the moral equivalent of a prostate operation. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes

We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes

Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno

The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon. - Kurt Vonnegut

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller


see also   Doctor  Section
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Doctor’s Flat Examination
Exhausting Gyne Work
German Flatulence Control
Mechanical Patient

 

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18-May-2022