Colonoscopy Comments

Boldly going where no man has gone before


[A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies...]

1. Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.

2. Find Amelia Earhart yet?

3. Can you hear me NOW?

4. Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!

5. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

6. You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.

7. Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?

8. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do The Hokey Pokey....

9. Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!

10. If your hand doesn’t fit, you must acquit!

11. Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.

12. You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?

13. Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?


QuotaBills
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg

A nurse will always give us hope, an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Operation: A surgical job taking minutes to do and years to describe - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Save one life, you're a hero. Save 100 lives, you're a nurse. - Unknown

The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

Co-Operation: An exchange between a woman and a man in which she coos and he operates - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I have had my television aerials removed. It is the moral equivalent of a prostate operation. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield


see also   Doctor  Section
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Doctor’s Flat Examination
Exhausting Gyne Work
German Flatulence Control
Mechanical Patient

 

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04-Dec-2021