A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.
He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day!
The day before he’s to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he’s checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:
Golf: $1. 00
Dinner: $1.00.
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00.
He hits the ceiling!
Calling over to the manager, he asks, “What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?”
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the manager, “but you didn’t read the fine print in our promotional brochure - that’s what our golf balls cost.”
“Well,” said the man, “If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could’ve gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would’ve known what I was paying for!”
“That’s right, sir, you could have,” said the manager. “Over there they get you by the room. Over here, we get you by the balls.”
All is fair in love and golf. - American Proverb
Work: The thing that interferes with golf. - Frank Dane
Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse
Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown
Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown
If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. - Paul Gallico
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells
Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown
If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham
Farmers: Men successful only if they sell their farms to golf clubs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey
I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth
One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. - H L Mencken
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon
Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown
The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer
They say that life is a lot like golf - don't believe them. Golf is a lot more complicated. - Gardner Dickinson
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke
I played golf. I didn't get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. - Mitch Hedberg
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope
My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill
If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump
Golf is a thinking man's game. You can have all the shots in the bag, but if you don't know what to do with them, you've got troubles. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump
see also Golf Section
Golf Gimme
Golf in South America
Golf Like I Do
Voodoo Golf Tree
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24-Jul-2021 |