A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. All is fair in love and golf. - American Proverb Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. - Paul Gallico The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. - Will Rogers Hold me, grip me, cherish me, pretend that I'm a golf club! - Unknown When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter In golf as in life, it's the follow-through that makes the difference. - Unknown Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. - H L Mencken If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. - Robert Lynd The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster I played golf. I didn't get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying. - Mitch Hedberg Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller I carry a golf ball to put under my feet when they get tight, and a Ther-Band for general stretching. - Jessica Ennis-Hill Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden see also Golf Section Golf Gimme Golf in South America Golf Like I Do Voodoo Golf Tree |
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