A new, young MD was doing his residency in gynecology. He was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To conceal his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
A middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him.
He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?”
She replied, “No Doctor, but the song you were whistling was ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.’ ”
Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
A nurse will always give us hope,
an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher
Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
A nurse will always give us hope,
an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher
Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller
see also Doctor & Music Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Congressional Limerick
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Menopause Sucks
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
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31-Mar-2020 |