Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done you’ll have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92 “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt...”
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: “Gosh, I remember these!”
I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. - Daniel F E Auber
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. - John Wagner
Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill
The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan
Sure I'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day. - Lillian Carter
There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. - John Mortimer
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been. - David Bowie
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson
The elderly don't drive that badly; they're just the only ones with time to do the speed limit. - Jason Love
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown
see also Aging Section
A. A. A. D. D.
Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s?
Dreams Come True
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