My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.
CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ounce.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s name.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
Money often costs too much. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A fool and his money are soon parted. - English Proverb
Stocks do not move unless they are pushed. - S Jay Levin
If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw
Education costs money. But then so does ignorance. - Claus Moser
I'd like to live like a poor man, only with lots of money. - Pablo Picasso
I like my money right where I can see it: hanging in my closet. - Carrie Bradshaw
If a little money does not go out, great money will not come in. - Chinese Proverb
I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect. - Steven Wright
I was a great student at a great school, Wharton School of Finance. - Donald Trump
Yachting: standing in a cold shower tearing up hundred-dollar bills. - Unknown
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? - Steven Wright
You cannot spend your way out of recession or borrow your way out of debt. - Daniel Hannan
There is no money in poetry, but then there is no poetry in money, either. - Robert Graves
After I make a lot of money, I'll be able to afford running for office. - Christy Romano
Gentility is what is left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone. - John Ciardi
I don't care how much money you have, free stuff is always a good thing. - Queen Latifah
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. - Aristotle Onassis
Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it. - Henry David Thoreau
Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust. - Zig Ziglar
The principal benefit acting has afforded me is the money to pay for my psychoanalysis. - Marlon Brando
People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it. - Jay Leno
Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. - Jules Renard
Gorilla tourism is vital to Rwanda's economy: It's the third highest source of income. - Andy Serkis
If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money. - Abigail Van Buren
Many commit the same crime with very different results. One bears a cross for his crime, the other a crown. - Juvenal
The attention economy is not growing, which means we have to grab the attention that someone else has today. - Brent Leary
Why does not the Pope build St. Peter's with his own money, rather than with the money of poor believers? - Martin Luther
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks. - Barrymore
The vine bears three kinds of grapes: the first of pleasure, the second of intoxication, the third of disgust. - Diogenes
The true identity theft is not financial. It's not in cyberspace. It's spiritual. It's been taken. - Stephen Covey
When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is. - Oscar Wilde
Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. - Sam Ewing
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. - Woody Allen
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
It's not about money or connections. It's the willingness to outwork and outlearn everyone when it comes to your business. - Mark Cuban
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers
Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer
If you have more money than brains, you should focus on outbound marketing. If you have more brains than money, you should focus on inbound marketing. - Guy Kawasaki
Business, Finance & Stress
Read My Lipstick
Standard & Poor’s Downgrade
Awesome 'P' Door
Scientific Driving Test
On Its Last Legs
Living In A Bubble
Fawn Of You
Baby's Off Day
Trucks with 'Down' Syndrome
Swimming in the Dead Sea
Why Wear A Safety Helmet?
It's Making This Weird Noise
German Emergency Road Share