From a strictly mathematical viewpoint, what makes
100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How does one achieve 103%? What makes up 103% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22-23-24-25-26
Then:
K N O W L E D G E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
and
H A R D W O R K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
A. Present Management Style –
Spreadsheet Analysis
From the attached spreadsheet, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty
the following:
- Least effective present style: Leading (52%) is the least successful, while
Coaching (60%), Managing (66%), and Helping (71%) won’t help improve your
management style at all…
- Quasi effective present style: Delegating (84%), Training (92%), Knowledge
(96%) & Hard Work (98%) will come close to what the boss expects…
- Voila! Attitude is the only present style that “breaks even” – where you can
tell the boss that you’ve actually given 100% at work that day – two atta’boys
will be waiting for you!
- But to really over-achieve, like what is expected of you on a daily basis, you
have to be: Supportive (155% - i.e. supporting a shared work environment; free
employee carpooling; 2-year maternity leave for Dads and Moms), Promoting (127%
- as in, promoting ALL of your employees with big fat raises), Mentoring (115% -
sorry gals, this is really supposed to be work percs for “Men”) & Encouraging
(114% - encouraging everyone to retire at age 35 with full pension benefits).
B. Best Management Style –
Spreadsheet Analysis
From the much more relative spreadsheet of 31 modern styles (used in the present
day workplace), one can then conclude with mathematical significance the
following:
- Least effective style to use: Weaseling (95%) has the lowest ranking – don’t
be a work weasel…; Wavering (99%) is not a good management style (to improve
this – let your employees waver more!); Although Bullshit (103%) looks good to
upper management – and is above the 100% ‘call of duty’, it’s still on the low
end of the best styles to use; Flogging The Dog (103%), Passing Gas (112%),
Badmouthing (114%), Taking The Day Off (119%) & Herassment (121%) may look good
(only because they’re > 100%), but they are still lower than what you can really
achieve!
- Medium Effectiveness: Passing The Buck (122%), Criticizing (127%),
Plagiarizing (129%), Womanizing (131%), Leading Astray (136%), Long Coffee
Breaks (139%), Brown Nosing (150%), Butt Kissing (151%) & Blaimstorming (152%)
will get you a lot further than management styles used by older generations…
- For best over-achievement – high above previous generation averages, and well
above all of your manager’s expectations - try the following: Venting
Frustration (252% - blow up in front of your employees – let em’ think you’re
really insecure and they’ll stay out of your way – and get theirs and your work
done for you!); Political Correctness (236% - nothing beats trying to be
politically correct in today’s office environment); Withholding Services (229% -
be just like George Costanza – do the opposite of what’s expected – and you’ll
rise above all the other losers!); Sucking Up To Boss (211% - this is still a
good tried and true method used by most middle managers); and Winning Lottery
(205% - let’s just cut to the chase: what would any of you do if you won the
next $25 Million Lotto 649!); Screwing The Moose (198% - a favourite expression
of the Joe-kster, with great potential… please don’t try real Canadian moose
though, only Get Stuffed animals will do…); Flogging Employees (192%), Finger
Pointing (188%) & Procrastinating (184) will go a long way in today’s office
environment…
C. Tomorrow’s Better Management Style –
Spreadsheet Analysis
Aside from all of the above diatribe, nothing can beat the “Manager Of Tomorrow”
as per the above spreadsheet: liven up a bit at work, and try Submitting Unique
Joe-ks to your employees – and you’ll achieve at least a 289% improvement in
your present management style!
see also
Work Section
“2 Pens” Award Program
Always Give 100% At Work
Employee’s Raisin Pay Bonus Program
George Costanza’s Tips For Working Hard
Nobody Notices
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30-Nov-2021 |