Rule #1 When in doubt - buy him a Star Wars book. It does not matter if he
already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 copies of “The Wookie Cookies Cookbook” and he has yet to complain. As a geek, you can never have too many Star Wars books. No one knows why.
Rule #2 If you cannot afford a Star Wars book, buy him anything with an acronym
in it. Geeks love saying those acronyms. “Hey, George! Can I borrow your PS2 to USB adapter?” “OK. By-the-way, are you through with my PC2100 DDR RAM tester yet?” Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3 If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his game system. A
crappy third-party DDR pad, a whacky looking joystick, or any game from the bargain bin. Geeks love gifts for their game systems. No one knows why.
Rule #4 Do not buy geeks cologne. Do not buy geeks ties. And never buy geeks
designer shoes. I was told that if God had wanted geeks to wear decent clothes, he wouldn’t have invented sweatpants.
Rule #5 You can buy geeks new remote controls to for their computer. If you have a lot of money, buy your geek a big-screen TV that can hook up to the computer with an ergonomic chair. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6 Do not buy a geek any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, you will have
to listen to the many different concoctions they did at the Microsoft Party.
Rule #7 Buy industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I’m told
they will appreciate the efficiency and savings.
Rule #8 Do not buy geeks label makers. Within a couple of weeks, there will be
sighs because they will be lamenting for the newest model with Ethernet and modem ports so that he can create labels remotely. No one knows why.
Rule #9 Never buy a geek anything that says “for outside use” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always stick it in the closet.
Rule #10 Good places to shop for geeks include Electronics Boutique, BlockBuster Video, Circuit City, Fry’s Electronics, Barnes and Noble, and joe-ks.com. Online stores for “Lord of the Rings” merchandise are also excellent geek stores. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is.
“From Lord of the Rings, eh? Must be something I wanted. Hey! Isn’t this genuine orc hair? Wow! Thanks.”
Rule #11 Geeks enjoy stupidity. That’s why they never make mistakes of their own - but they will enjoy others’ stupidity. Get him the complete Monty Python Collection. Or point him to complaint pages by AOLers. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants to be p\/\/33n3d?"
Rule #12 Tickets to a cheesy kung fu movie are a smart gift. However, he will
not appreciate tickets to the WWE. Everyone knows why.
Rule #13 Geeks love personal electronics. But never, ever, buy a geek you love a laptop. If you don’t know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #14 It’s hard to beat a cool processor upgrade or an ergonomic keyboard.
Never buy a real geek a regular keyboard. It must be an ergonomic keyboard. No one knows why.
Rule #15 Photoshop. Geeks love Photoshop. It takes us back to the days when
pasting your face on the body of a model was funny or at least desperate. Nothing says love like Adobe Photoshop 7.0. No one knows why.
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