Early Christmas Shopping

Charged with early shopping


It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.

“That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened,” replied the prisoner.


QuotaBills
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell

The law itself follows gold. - Propertius

Judge me when you are perfect. - Unknown

The early bird catches the worm. - English Proverb

Lawsuits: Clothes worn by an attorney - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Do you not know that I am above the law? - James II

In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler

To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan

I must confess, I was born at a very early age. - Groucho Marx

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

Where there's a will there's a lawsuit. - Addison Mizner

It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray

Law of Inflation: Whatever goes up will go up some more. - Kin Hubbard

Good lawyers know the law. Great lawyers know the judge. - Unknown

Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad

The ablest lawyers are always associated with the biggest fees. - Clarence Darrow

My photographs don't do me justice – they just look like me. - Phyllis Diller

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

You can not stop the spread of an idea by passing a law against it. - Harry S Truman

A lawyer is an odd sort of fish, first rotten, then green, then ripe. - Robert Christy

So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa

A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo

Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray

Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

May you live your life as if the maxim of your actions were to become universal law. - Immanuel Kant

Mob law does not become due process of law by securing the assent of a terrorized jury. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Justice is the insurance we have on our lives, and obedience is the premium we pay for it. - William Penn

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo

I learned at an early age that if you are nice to men, you can get anything you want from them. - Natalie Wood

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn

We lawyers learn to study the faces of our witnesses, to form quick judgments, and to act upon them. - Lyman Abbott

Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell

Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest. - Sri Chinmoy

That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman

Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

To win back my youth... There is nothing I wouldn't do - except take exercise, get up early, or be a useful member of the community. - Oscar Wilde

Lawyers are doubters, skeptics; not in a bad sense. But they never know any thing absolutely and utterly without qualifications or modifications. - G N Tillman

What we lawyers want to do is to substitute courts for carnage, dockets for rockets, briefs for bombs, warrants for warheads, mandates for missiles. - George Rhyne


see also   Christmas,  Lawyer,  Prison  &  Shopping  Sections

 

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29-Nov-2020