Martha went to her new gynecologist for her first exam.
The doctor got her in the stirrups and spread her legs. Then the doctor said, “Oh My God!!! In all of my career, I have never seen such a huge vagina! … huge vagina!”
She said, “Doctor, I know it and I’m very self-conscious about it. You didn’t have to repeat yourself.”
The doctor replied, “I didn’t. It was an echo!”
Birth patrol pills. - Archie Bunker
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
I'm not a Gynecologist but I'll take a look. - Unknown
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense. - Beau M
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther
Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Nurse: 1. A woman whose business is to make sickness a pleasure; 2. A young women who holds your wrist and then expects your pulse to be normal. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
I'm not a Gynecologist but I'll take a look. - Unknown
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense. - Beau M
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk
We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther
Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
Nurse: 1. A woman whose business is to make sickness a pleasure; 2. A young women who holds your wrist and then expects your pulse to be normal. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
see also Doctor Section
Advantages of Mother’s Milk
Audible Sobs
Children’s Science Exam Answers
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Detroit High School - Math Proficiency Exam
Excerpts from Medical Records
Failed Logistics Exam
Final Exams In North Korea
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
For Women Only
How To Prevent Cheating
Inspiring School Exams
Irish Exam
Japanese Eye Test
Lady’s Yearly Exam
Mental Patient’s Exit Exam
Redneck Engineering Exam
Seeing End Dog - New Vet Exam
Senior Eye Exam
University of Georgia Entrance Exam
Why Men Shouldn’t Take Messages
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18-Jan-2022 |