Martha went to her new gynecologist for her first exam.
The doctor got her in the stirrups and spread her legs. Then the doctor said, “Oh My God!!! In all of my career, I have never seen such a huge vagina! … huge vagina!”
She said, “Doctor, I know it and I’m very self-conscious about it. You didn’t have to repeat yourself.”
The doctor replied, “I didn’t. It was an echo!”
Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
see also Doctor Section
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06-Aug-2020 |