Martha went to her new gynecologist for her first exam.
The doctor got her in the stirrups and spread her legs. Then the doctor said, “Oh My God!!! In all of my career, I have never seen such a huge vagina! … huge vagina!”
She said, “Doctor, I know it and I’m very self-conscious about it. You didn’t have to repeat yourself.”
The doctor replied, “I didn’t. It was an echo!”
Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield
NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Ignorance is not so damnable as humbug, but when it prescribes pills it may happen to do more harm. - George Eilot
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey
I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield
NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Ignorance is not so damnable as humbug, but when it prescribes pills it may happen to do more harm. - George Eilot
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
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