Gynecologist Exam

Repeating yourself in front of a patient


Martha went to her new gynecologist for her first exam.

The doctor got her in the stirrups and spread her legs. Then the doctor said, “Oh My God!!! In all of my career, I have never seen such a huge vagina! … huge vagina!”

She said, “Doctor, I know it and I’m very self-conscious about it. You didn’t have to repeat yourself.”

The doctor replied, “I didn’t. It was an echo!”


QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Markus Herz

Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. - Edward Abbey

Stories are memory aids, instruction manuals and moral compasses. - Aleks Krotoski

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

Lake: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen

Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

The cure for a broken heart is simple, my lady. A hot bath and a good night's sleep. - Margaret George

Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

Tanorexia: An obsessive desire to have tanned skin, placing the sufferer at risk of skin cancer - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

Diabetes is a great example whereby, giving the patient the tools, you can manage yourself very well. - Clayton Christensen

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale

Nurse: 1. A woman whose business is to make sickness a pleasure; 2. A young women who holds your wrist and then expects your pulse to be normal. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville


see also   Doctor  Section
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07-Jul-2022