‘Twas the night before Chanukah Off-the-docks Jews (Orthodox Jews) - Archie Bunker Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown All men are Jews, except they don't know it. - Bernard Malamud I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. - Henny Youngman Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan I don't think anyone has been slandered more than the Jews. - Fidel Castro I'm not a Jew. I'm Jewish. I don't go the whole hog. - Jonathan Miller Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering. - Milton Berle Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown Coming from Canada, being a writer and Jewish as well, I have impeccable paranoia credentials. - Mordecai Richler I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. - Milton Berle The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor This is the real enemy, the invader from the East, the Druze, the ruffian, the oriental parasite; in a word: the Jew. - George Bernard Shaw Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump It goes back to Christianity's affiliation with Judaism as Passover. Easter is as important to Christians as Passover is to the Jews. - Glenn Duffy A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics. - Marvin Olasky see also Christmas & Religious Sections Aussie Night Before Christmas Aviator’s Night Before Christmas Biker’s Night Before Christmas Bronx Night Before Christmas Contract Spec Writer’s Night Before Christmas Da Vinci Code Revealed Dieter’s Night Before Christmas Genealogist’s Night Before Christmas Ghetto Night Before Christmas Italian Night Before Christmas Jewish-Chinese Night before Christmas Legal Speak Night Before Christmas Networkologist’s Night Before Christmas Politically Correct Night Before Christmas Redneck Night Before Christmas Scientist’s Night Before Christmas Spanish Night Before Christmas Star Trek ‘Next Generation’ Night Before Christmas Star Wars Christmas Texas Night Before Christmas ‘Twas the Internet Night Before Christmas ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas Yiddish 101 |
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