Politically Correct Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck... How to live in a world that’s politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”, “Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the North Pole, Were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety, Released to the wilds, by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear, That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh, Because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA, And millions of people were calling the Cops, When they heard sled noises upon their roof tops. Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened, And his fur trimmed red suit was called “unenlightened”. To show you the strangeness of today’s ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose. He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation, Demanding millions in over-due workers compensation. So... half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife Who suddenly said she’d had enough of this life, Joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on that her title was Ms. And as for gifts... why, he’d never had the notion That making a choice could cause such commotion. Nothing of leather, nothing of fur... Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her. Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot, Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific, Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacifistic. No candy or sweets... they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth. And fairy tales... while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden, For they raised the hackles of those psychological, Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no football... someone might get hurt, Besides - playing sports exposed kids to dirt. Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passé, And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed, He just couldn’t figure out what to do next? He tried to be merry he tried to be gay, But you must have to admit he was having a very bad day. His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground, Nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found. Something special was needed, a gift that he might, Give to us all, without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision, Each group of people in every religion. Every race, every hue, Everyone, everywhere... even you! So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth... “May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth!” QuotaBills Criticism is prejudice made plausible. - H L Mencken Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb Silence is sometimes the severest criticism. - Charles Buxton I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. - Elbert Hubbard There is no defense against criticism except obscurity. - Joseph Addison How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. - Benjamin Disraeli For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. - Steven Wright Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively. - Laurence J. Peter I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding. - Mohandas K. Gandhi Sandwich every bit of criticism between two heavy layers of praise. - Mary Kay Ash Needless to say, the president is correct. Whatever it was he said. - Donald Rumsfeld In critical moments even the very powerful have need of the weakest. - Aesop I know how to make decisions and stand up to the criticism every day. - Michael Bloomberg Don't abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism. - Ed Howe Never worry about criticism from people you would never take advice from. - Unknown There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Aristotle The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway The fact that your patient gets well does not prove that your diagnosis was correct. - Samuel J. Meltzer Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller A smile in giving honest criticism can make the difference between resentment and reform. - Philip Steinmetz Do not correct a fool or he will hate you. Correct a wise man and he will appreciate you. - Unknown If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright The human race is inquisitive about other people's lives, but negligent to correct their own. - St Augustine No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one. - John Wooden We can often do more for other men by trying to correct our own faults than by trying to correct theirs. - Francois Fenelon Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey Music drives you. It wakes you up, it gets you pumping. And, at the end of the day, the correct tune will chill you down. - Dimebag Darrell Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you. - Zig Ziglar When we criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical. - Richard Carlson I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple Conventional people are roused to fury by departure from convention, largely because they regard such departure as a criticism of themselves. - Bertrand Russell Doing and saying the right thing are not sufficient. Doing the right thing in the right way and with the person's comfort in mind is critical. - Ravi Zacharias see also   Christmas,   Politics  &   Relationship  Sections Aussie Night Before Christmas Aviator’s Night Before Christmas Biker’s Night Before Christmas Bronx Night Before Christmas Contract Spec Writer’s Night Before Christmas Dieter’s Night Before Christmas Genealogist’s Night Before Christmas Ghetto Night Before Christmas Hanukkah Night Before Christmas Italian Night Before Christmas Jewish-Chinese Night before Christmas Legal Speak Night Before Christmas Networkologist’s Night Before Christmas Redneck Night Before Christmas Scientist’s Night Before Christmas Spanish Night Before Christmas Star Trek ‘Next Generation’ Night Before Christmas Star Wars Christmas Texas Night Before Christmas ‘Twas the Internet Night Before Christmas ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas   Think Outside Despicable Wood Stove Engineering Flowchart Egotist Hunter's Dream Wedding Paddy Field Canal Grow A Boyfriend Mars Images Drumset Motorcycle Brick Shoes Custer's Last Stand? Hand Held Tourist Curly Heels Bottle Sneakret Removed Posts Second Hand Work Ostrich Fill Up Calory Bomb Interuption Charge Reach For Your Dreams

30-Jun-2022