Star Trek ‘Next Generation’ Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas,
When all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing,
Not one microchip.

The phasers were hung in the armory securely,
In hopes that no aliens would get up that early.
The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks);

And Picard in his nightshirt
And Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down
For a nice face to face...

When out in the halls
There arose such a racket,
That we leapt form our beds,
Pulling on pants and jacket.

The bridge Red Alert lights,
Which flashed through the din,
Gave a luster of Hades
To objects within.

When, what, on the viewscreen,
Should our eyes behold,
But a weird kind of sleigh,
And some guy who looked old.

His sleigh grew much larger
As closer he came.
Then he zapped to the bridge
And addressed us by name:

“It’s Riker! It’s Data!
It’s Worf! and Jean-Luc!
It’s Geordi! and Wesly,
The genetic fluke!

To the top of the bridge!
To the top of the hall!
Now float away! Float away!
Float away all!”

As leaves in the autumn
Aare whisked off the street,
So the floor of the bridge
Came away from our feet,

And up to the ceiling
Our bodies then flew,
As the captain called out,
“What the... is this, Q?!”

The prankster just laughed
And expanded his grin,
And snapping his fingers,
He vanished again.

As we took in our plight
And were looking around,
The spell was removed,
And we crashed to the ground.

Then Q, dressed in fur
From head to his toe,
Appeared once again,
To continue the show.

“That’s enough!” cried the captain,
“You’ll stop this at Once!”
And Riker said, “Worf!
Take aim at this dunce!”

“I’m deeply offended, Jean-Luc,”
Replied Q,
“I just want to celebrate
Christmas with you.”

As we scoffed at his words,
He produced a large sack,
He dumped out the contents
And took a step back.

“I’ve brought gifts,” he said,
“Just to show I’m sincere.
There’s something delightful
For everyone here.”

e sat on the floor
And dug into his pile,
And handed out gifts
With his most charming smile:

“For Counselor Troi,
There’s no need to explain,
Here’s Tylenol-Beta
For all of your pain.

For Worf I’ve some mints
As his breath is not too great,
And for Geordi Laforge,
An inflatable date.

For Wesley, some hormones,
And Clearasil-Plus;
For Data a Joke Book,
For Riker, a truss.

For Beverly Crusher,
There’s sleek lingerie,
And for Jean-Luc,
The thrill of just seeing her that way.”

Then he sprang to his feet
With that grin on his face,
And clapping his hands,
Disappeared into space.

But we herd him exclaim
As he dwindled from sight,
“Merry Christmas to all,
And to all a good flight!”

see also   Christmas  &   Space  Sections
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Hanukkah Night Before Christmas
Italian Night Before Christmas
Jewish-Chinese Night before Christmas
Legal Speak Night Before Christmas
Networkologist’s Night Before Christmas
Politically Correct Night Before Christmas
Redneck Night Before Christmas
Scientist’s Night Before Christmas
Spanish Night Before Christmas
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