How To Lose Weight for the New Year

Beware the bathroom scale

John and Connie, after their 4th Christmas turkey dinner of the Holiday Season, made the same New Year’s Resolution - that they would both lose weight in 2017.

The next day, John went into the bathroom and went on the weight scale. While on the scale, he took a deep breath and sucked in his gut.

Connie looked over at John and said, “I hardly think that sucking in your gut will help you lose any weight!”

John answered, “Yes, it does help - it’s the only way that I can see the numbers on the scale.”



QuotaBills
Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Happiness is equilibrium. Shift your weight. - Tom Stoppard

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz

I'm not gaining weight. I'm living large. - Unknown

When I go I'll take New Year's Eve with me. - Guy Lombardo

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight. - The Devil Wears Prada

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. - Oprah Winfrey

It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place. - Sarah Dessen

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. - G K Chesterton

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan

Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since. - Dave Beard

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

The first requisite of a good citizen in this republic of ours is that he shall be able and willing to pull his weight. - Theodore Roosevelt

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


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21-Sep-2020