Christmas is Weird

Bacon is meat candy. - Unknown

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Holy: What my old socks are - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Hot Chocolate: Stolen candy - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

Weird is a side-effect of awesome. - Unknown

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S Thompson

There would be no Christmas if there was no Easter. - Gordon B. Hinckley

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Ladies' Sewing Circle: Where more husbands are darned than socks - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Business without profit is not business any more than a pickle is candy. - Charles F Abbott

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

If I'm traveling, I'll pack socks in my bag - really cute furry ones. - Nicki Minaj

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

Isn't life a collection of weird quizzes with no answers to half the questions? - Pawan Mishra

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

I can't stop moving. I'm like this weird insect. I can't sit still in real life. - Robin Wright

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. - Groucho Marx

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

In a weird kind of way, music has afforded me an idealism and perfectionism that I could never attain as me. - Billy Corgan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Canada has given us John Candy and Martin Short and Bill Shatner and Lord knows how many other wonderful performers. - Jamie Farr

There is no such thing as a weird human being. It's just that some people require more understanding than others. - Tom Robbins

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

All Halloween candy pales next to candy corn, if only because candy corn used to appear, like the Great Pumpkin, solely on Halloween. - Rosecrans Baldwin

In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful. - Alice Walker

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien