Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven

Are you qualified to enter the Pearly Gates?


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “We love the sound of handbells - you may pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carols.”




QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. - Rita Mae Brown

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. - Garth Brooks

I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

As your runway of life gets shorter, the lighter the load. - Joe Segal

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. - Yiddish Proverb

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Initiative is to success what a lighted match is to a candle. - Orlando A Battista

Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. - Virginia Woolf

There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes

Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. - Ovid

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

Keyboard: 1. Place to hang your keys; 2. The standard way to generate computer errors. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. - Edith Wharton

It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. - Maya Angelou

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

One of the most important gifts we have in television - the ability to heal through laughter. - Soleil M Frye

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie Snow

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light! - Edna St Vincent Millay

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha


see also   Christmas  Section
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Forget The Present
Heathen’s Greetings
Merry House
Office Party Grinch
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Walking In A Doggie Wonderland

 

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28-Jan-2022