Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven

Are you qualified to enter the Pearly Gates?


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “We love the sound of handbells - you may pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carols.”




QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Anger blows out the candle of the mind. - Robert G Ingersoll

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. - Rita Mae Brown

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. - Garth Brooks

I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

As your runway of life gets shorter, the lighter the load. - Joe Segal

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes

Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made precious. - Ovid

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. - William Shakespeare

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas

Technology is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie Snow

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Piano playing is more difficult than statesmanship. It is harder to awake emotions in ivory keys than it is in human beings. - Ignace Jan Paderewski

A sibling may be the keeper of one's identity, the only person with the keys to one's unfettered, more fundamental self. - Marian Sandmaier

My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light! - Edna St Vincent Millay

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Francis Bacon


see also   Christmas  Section
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Forget The Present
Heathen’s Greetings
Merry House
Office Party Grinch
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Walking In A Doggie Wonderland

 

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14-Aug-2020