Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven

Are you qualified to enter the Pearly Gates?


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “We love the sound of handbells - you may pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carols.”




QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Even the candle seller dies in the dark. - Colombian Proverb

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour. - Horace

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. - Rita Mae Brown

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. - James Keller

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars. - Matthew W. Stover

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. - Philip Brookes

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

As your runway of life gets shorter, the lighter the load. - Joe Segal

A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Kyle Chandler

There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. - William Shakespeare

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. - Edith Wharton

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Don't let your dreams rust! Listen to your youthful bells ringing loud inside of you. - Bernard Kelvin Clive

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. - Doug Larson

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

We are all born with a grab bag on gifts and gaps. Identify your true talents, then find out how to use them to make money. - Bill O'Reilly

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

A sibling may be the keeper of one's identity, the only person with the keys to one's unfettered, more fundamental self. - Marian Sandmaier

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha


see also   Christmas  Section
Christmas Fireplace Tip
Forget The Present
Heathen’s Greetings
Merry House
Office Party Grinch
Saskatchewan Entrepreneur
Save Santa The Trip
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Texas Hood Ornament
Walking In A Doggie Wonderland

 

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Hide And Sikh

Yoga Pants

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Exit Not Found

Early Shave

Dementia Purse

Quarantine Response

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31-Mar-2020