For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women.
Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.
Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects…
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed… +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows… 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets… -1
You leave the toilet seat up… -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty… 0
When the toilet paper roll is empty, you resort to Kleenex... -10
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom… -20
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings… +15
In the snow… +28
But return with beer… -5
And no liners… -25
You check out a suspicious noise at night… 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing… 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something… +5
You pummel it with a six iron… +10
It’s her cat… -40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party… 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy…
-2
Named Tiffany… -4
Tiffany is a dancer… -10
With breast implants… -18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday… 0
You buy a card and flowers… 0
You take her out to dinner… 0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar… +1
Okay, it is a sports bar… -2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night… -3
It’s a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your
favorite team… -10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal… 0
The pal is happily married… +1
The pal is single… -7
He drives a Ferrari… -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)… -15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie… +2
You take her to a movie she likes… +4
You take her to a movie you hate… +6
You take her to a movie you like… -2
It’s called Death Cop III… -3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans… -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans… -15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly… -15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it… +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian
shirts… -30
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too”… -800
THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
You hesitate in responding… -10
You reply, “Where?”… -35
You reply, “No, I think it’s your ass”… -100
Any other response… -20
COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about
a problem...
You listen, displaying a concerned expression… 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes… +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience… +50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying “Well, what do you think
I should do?”… -100
You have fallen asleep… -200
IT’S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk… -100
You don’t talk… -150
You spend time with her… -200
You don’t spend time with her… -500
You seem to be enjoying yourself… -1000
You send her to joe-ks.com… +777
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb
The thinking man's crumpet. - Frank Muir
A man may learn wisdom even from a foe. - Aristophenes
And all may do what has by man been done. - Edward Young
A man's only as old as the woman he feels. - Groucho Marx
Man discovers truth by reason only, not by faith. - Tolstoy
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. - Mark Twain
That man is truly good who knows his own dark places. - Beowulf
Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses. - Dorothy Parker
Men count up the faults of those who keep them waiting. - French Proverb
Riches don't make a man rich, they only make him busier. - Christopher Columbus
Words were not given to man in order to conceal his thoughts. - Jose Saramago
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. - H L Mencken
The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? - Bible
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things. - Epictetus
The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. - B.F. Skinner
Men are my hobby. If I ever got married, I'd have to give it up. - Mae West
When a man is wrapped up in himself he makes a pretty small package. - John Ruskin
I love men, not because they are men, but because they are not women. - Queen Christina of Sweden
The only man who makes no mistakes is the man who never does anything. - Theodore Roosevelt
Man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter. - Joseph Addison
Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man. - Rabindranath Tagore
It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
It's not the size of the man in the fight, but the size of the fight in the man. - Unknown
Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. - Oscar Wilde
A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall
At 20 a man thinks he can save the world. At 40 he's lucky if he can save part of his salary. - Unknown
The test and the use of man's education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind. - Jacques Martin Barzun
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. - Rita Rudner
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe
The scorn men express for a male who does housework is exceeded only by their aversion to a woman who doesn't. - Penny Kome
Psychiatrists say it's not good for man to keep too much to himself. The Internal Revenue Service says the same thing. - Harold Smith
A just and reasonable modesty does not only recommend eloquence, but sets off every great talent which a man can be possessed of. - Joseph Addison
An ostentatious man will rather relate a blunder or an absurdity he has committed, than be debarred from talking of his own dear person. - Joseph Addison
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? - Linda Ellerbee
When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville
see also Marriage & Relationship Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
“Female Speak” Translation
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Names of the Colours
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman
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16-Dec-2019 |