You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church If...
Ya’ll come back now! Ya Hear.

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one;

People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em;

When the Pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering.” Five guys and two women stand up;

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official Church holiday;

A member of the Church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of”;

The choir is known as the “OK Chorale”;

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the Church directory;

Baptism is referred to as “branding”;

There’s a special fundraiser for a new church septic tank;

Finding and returning lost sheep isn’t just a parable;

High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling;

People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy;

The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub;

The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob’s Barbecue;

The collection plates are hub caps from a ’56 Chevy;

Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call;

The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks;

The communion wine is Boone’s Farm “Tickled Pink”;

“Thou shalt not covet” applies to hunting dogs, too;

The final words of the benediction are, “Ya’ll come back now! Ya Hear.”


see also   Religious  &  Redneck  Sections

 

In Stock Guarantee

King Salmon Meal

Cowmodo Dragon

Punctuation Matters

Arm Chair

Horse Hairstyle

Dent Wizard

Sole Casket

Windscreen Spoon

Fence Sitter

New College Game Show

Hands On Tree

Road Shortcut

Running Tears

Swingers

Bird Cam

Parent Signature

Bread Additive

Dates For Everyone

Tree of Dreams
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22-Nov-2019