You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church If...
Ya’ll come back now! Ya Hear.

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one;

People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em;

When the Pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering.” Five guys and two women stand up;

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official Church holiday;

A member of the Church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of”;

The choir is known as the “OK Chorale”;

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the Church directory;

Baptism is referred to as “branding”;

There’s a special fundraiser for a new church septic tank;

Finding and returning lost sheep isn’t just a parable;

High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling;

People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy;

The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub;

The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob’s Barbecue;

The collection plates are hub caps from a ’56 Chevy;

Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call;

The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks;

The communion wine is Boone’s Farm “Tickled Pink”;

“Thou shalt not covet” applies to hunting dogs, too;

The final words of the benediction are, “Ya’ll come back now! Ya Hear.”

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