Irish School Demolition

Is this a demolition company or a joe-k factory?

Why teachers shouldn’t give extra homework on Fridays!


[This is a girl in Ireland who’s making prank calls at the age of 8.
She doesn’t like her school and she wants to get it demolished,
so she goes to a demolition expert and tries to convince him...]

Hello, Inter Core.
Hi, is that the demolition place?
It is, yes.
Could you help me to destroy my school please.
Just bare with me a second...
Hello.
Hi.
What school do you go to?
I go to a school in Dublin.
And you want it demolished?
Yeah. Do you use a big wrecking ball, or how do you knock it down?
A big ball.
Right.
Hold on one wee second please...
Hello.
How are you - my name’s Becky.
Yes.
I have a proposal for ya.
Go ahead.
Are you the demolition man?
Yes.
You’re the top boss, yeah?
Go ahead, what’s the tact?
Hello?
I want you to help me destroy my school.
You want it blown up?
Can you blow it up, or knock it down?
Whatever you want done.
I’ll blow it up, that would be better. Can you make sure that all my teachers are in there when you knock it down?
Don’t know if you’ll get away with that now.
Nobody likes them – they give me extra homework on a Friday and everything.
Where are you calling from?
From Dublin.
What school in Dublin?
The one that’s about to fall down.
There’s a lot of schools in Dublin about to fall down.
And how much would it cost to knock it to the ground?
It depends how big it is.
Give me a ballpark figure.
Croke Park is ainm é   [Croke Park is its name (ball park)]
Agus go leor scoile is tigh eile.
[And many other schools and houses]
Is this a demolition company or a joe-k factory?
It’s a joe-k factory at the minute... It’s a joe-k factory.
Listen, are you gonna come and knock my school down or what?
Can you FAX me through a photograph or a site plan, or something.
Right, I’ll FAX you through a plan of the school and my teacher’s names.
Yeah – no problem, yeah.
And you just make sure that they’re all in the building when you knock it down.
You put all their names on it – I’ll give you a page for each individual teacher.
Brilliant.
Yeah.
When the school falls down, will it make a crash or a whallop?
It will make a big bang.
Sounds good. Oh listen, I’ll talk to you later, top man.
Good luck, a Chailín ar buile!   [crazy girl]
Fill your boots man!
Good luck.
See you after.


QuotaBills
I'm Irish. We think sideways. - Spike Milligan

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce

Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth

I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck

I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins

A child educated only at school is an uneducated child. - George Santayana

I've had Irish skin from the time I was a young girl. - Lara Flynn Boyle

School Of Hard Knocks: Where they train door-to-door salesmen - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach

I miss Irish milk. Probably not as much as Superquinn sausages. - Tristan MacManus

God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish. - Unknown

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett

Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other. - Edmund Burke

I was a great student at a great school, Wharton School of Finance. - Donald Trump

It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce

I don't want to send them to jail. I want to send them to school. - Adlai Stevenson

Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw

The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown

High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson

The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. - Sidney Littlewood

Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson

If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon

I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd

I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

I went to a Catholic boys' school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me. - Keanu Reeves

For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

Franklin D. Roosevelt: "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?",
New York Mayor Al Smith: "Do we now?" - Franklin D Roosevelt


see also   Practical  Section
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey!
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Banister Blessing
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Virgin
Irish Yoga
Irish Weather Forecasting
Leprechaun Treats
Little Leprechaun
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold
Swimming Buddies
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?

 

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01-Oct-2020