Irish School Demolition

Is this a demolition company or a joe-k factory?

Why teachers shouldn’t give extra homework on Fridays!


[This is a girl in Ireland who’s making prank calls at the age of 8.
She doesn’t like her school and she wants to get it demolished,
so she goes to a demolition expert and tries to convince him...]

Hello, Inter Core.
Hi, is that the demolition place?
It is, yes.
Could you help me to destroy my school please.
Just bare with me a second...
Hello.
Hi.
What school do you go to?
I go to a school in Dublin.
And you want it demolished?
Yeah. Do you use a big wrecking ball, or how do you knock it down?
A big ball.
Right.
Hold on one wee second please...
Hello.
How are you - my name’s Becky.
Yes.
I have a proposal for ya.
Go ahead.
Are you the demolition man?
Yes.
You’re the top boss, yeah?
Go ahead, what’s the tact?
Hello?
I want you to help me destroy my school.
You want it blown up?
Can you blow it up, or knock it down?
Whatever you want done.
I’ll blow it up, that would be better. Can you make sure that all my teachers are in there when you knock it down?
Don’t know if you’ll get away with that now.
Nobody likes them – they give me extra homework on a Friday and everything.
Where are you calling from?
From Dublin.
What school in Dublin?
The one that’s about to fall down.
There’s a lot of schools in Dublin about to fall down.
And how much would it cost to knock it to the ground?
It depends how big it is.
Give me a ballpark figure.
Croke Park is ainm é   [Croke Park is its name (ball park)]
Agus go leor scoile is tigh eile.
[And many other schools and houses]
Is this a demolition company or a joe-k factory?
It’s a joe-k factory at the minute... It’s a joe-k factory.
Listen, are you gonna come and knock my school down or what?
Can you FAX me through a photograph or a site plan, or something.
Right, I’ll FAX you through a plan of the school and my teacher’s names.
Yeah – no problem, yeah.
And you just make sure that they’re all in the building when you knock it down.
You put all their names on it – I’ll give you a page for each individual teacher.
Brilliant.
Yeah.
When the school falls down, will it make a crash or a whallop?
It will make a big bang.
Sounds good. Oh listen, I’ll talk to you later, top man.
Good luck, a Chailín ar buile!   [crazy girl]
Fill your boots man!
Good luck.
See you after.


QuotaBills
My soul is still Irish. - Ciaran Hinds

I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce

The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan

I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson

Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford

Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks. - Brendan Behan

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown

Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other. - Edmund Burke

Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty

Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell

I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. - Albert Einstein

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy

The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer

Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse

I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams

Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan

Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy. - William Butler Yeats

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. - Kurt Vonnegut

I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison

That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings

The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton

The Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower. They're monumental. They're straight out of Page 52 in your school history book. - Billy Crystal

It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan


see also   Practical  Section
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey!
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Banister Blessing
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Virgin
Irish Yoga
Irish Weather Forecasting
Leprechaun Treats
Little Leprechaun
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold
Swimming Buddies
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?

 

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22-May-2022